


Lost and Found

by easyliving



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Comfort, Emotional Trauma, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt, Lesbian Relationship, Mental Illness, Older Woman/Younger Woman, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:09:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 56,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27509623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easyliving/pseuds/easyliving
Summary: Therese Belivet has been through several lifetimes worth of trauma in the only twenty-five years she’s been alive. As a result, she struggles with severe anxiety and depression on the daily. Luckily, she is able to express herself through her art, but still regularly feels lost in her life and unsure of what she wants. One day under strange circumstances, she is found by the selfless and compassionate Carol Ross and the two immediately establish a close bond. What starts out as an innocent friendship, grows deeper as the two women find themselves uncontrollably falling for each other. There are many obstacles that stand in the way of them being together, however, one being Carol’s stubborn and possessive wife, Genevieve Cantrell.
Relationships: Carol Aird/Genevieve Cantrell, Carol Aird/Therese Belivet, Therese Belivet/Richard Semco
Comments: 296
Kudos: 217





	1. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “First of all, Love your stories!!!!! I have had this thought/idea for a while but it is pretty heavy. I would love to see a story where Carol had gone through a lot of trauma and has depression and after years of depression/anxiety/nightmares, she meets Therese one day who gradually picks Carol back up. Sorry if this is a very heavy story!!” - cws_z

Therese Belivet had been through her fair share of traumatic experiences. She deemed it to be several lifetimes worth which was a massive feat considering she was only twenty-five years old. If she recalled what had happened in the past years she knew it was overwhelming, people hardly believed her when she recounted the events, however, everything had happened to her so quickly that she never had the time to pause and actually reflect on it. She figured where she was today wasn’t a surprise considering what she’d experienced, but at the same time she was proud of herself for persevering through it. 

Starting from the beginning, her mother passed away giving birth to her, leaving her father to raise her as a single parent. He did the best he could given the circumstances, but it was no easy task. Therese’s first memories she could draw from the recesses of her mind were those of her father drinking and crying all the time. He never did get over the loss of her mother and Therese in a way was grateful that she didn’t know her as it made it less painful, however, it still hurt. She was only a couple years into elementary school when the Child Protective Services came for her and took her away from her father. She was quickly put into the foster system and tossed from family to family. Some of them were good, most of them weren’t. Therese encountered all kinds of people during that time and was introduced early to the dark and unkind parts of the world. Most of her memories from the homes were blurred and fuzzy, not necessarily because she was young, but because she didn’t want to remember. It was easier to try and forget the images and people that continued to haunt her dreams. Any of the friends or allies she had made at the homes or in her schools were always fleeting as she moved so often and most of the time had to relocate schools. She had no permanence in her life, no one to trust. She quickly learned that she was in this world alone and that she could depend on no one but herself. This gave her a thick skin, but it made her isolated. After some time, she gave up trying to even make connections with other children. She settled for her own company and found solace in art and anything that evoked some kind of emotion in her. 

When she got older and entered high school she was able to have more independence. She did fine in school and got good grades, but that wasn’t her passion. She would stay late every day after school and hide out in the school’s art studio and create things. Any kind of things, from sculptures, to paintings and drawings, crafts and textiles. The outlet gave her something else to think of besides her own life. For once in her life she had something to hold onto, something that made her happy. She didn’t ever really have friends, but there came a time when she always had a boyfriend. She didn’t know how it happened considering she didn’t make much of an effort to socialize or put herself out there, perhaps they just found her strange and mysterious. Most of these high school relationships were brief and fleeting. The boys would entertain her for a couple weeks then leave her when they got bored, they thrived off of her obvious low confidence and eagerness to feel connected to them. It was in her senior year that she had a relationship that finally stuck. His name was Richard and at the beginning she truly thought it was love. He was kind and supportive of her goals to get a scholarship and go to school to major in visual arts. He helped her with her portfolio and applications and gave her a place to stay so she could escape the foster homes. They planned to both go to school in Manhattan together and live in the big city, things seemed perfect. Therese should have known that it wouldn’t last. 

It was when they moved and started college that things got bad. Therese wasn’t quite sure if Richard changed or if he had always been that way, but he soon got jealous and possessive and violent. He had built Therese up to have some confidence and now he wanted to tear all of that apart. It started slowly, he would just keep tabs on her whereabouts and plans. Then he wanted to know everyone that she talked to and encountered during the day. He expected her to stick to a strict schedule and would always freak out when she was home late or not where he anticipated her to be. At the beginning Therese had dumbed it down to him being caring and protective, wanting to believe the best in him, but also not wanting to admit to herself that bad things were to always follow her around. Soon enough the only times they interacted were when Richard was yelling at her, his constantly raised voice almost tricking her into believing it was a normal volume. She tolerated the behaviour and never fought back, in her experience it didn’t benefit her when she did. She tried to spend less time at home and with Richard, but this just made it worse. He became physically abusive and the day that he attempted to force himself on her, Therese knew she had to leave. She moved out after she graduated college and mustered up the courage to get a restraining order against him. Luckily enough, she hadn’t heard from him since that was finalized and she hoped she never would. 

After she left Richard things didn’t necessarily get better automatically. Sure she no longer had to endure an abusive relationship, but she was alone yet again and now in a big city. Going to school for visual arts had helped her grow creatively a lot, but she still wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life. She felt lost and like she was free floating, not tethered to anything or secure in any place of sense of herself. She got a job at an arts supplies store that was enough to pay her rent and supply some money for her own work, but it wasn’t what she wanted to do forever. In New York everyone seemed to have a dream and all she wanted was to be happy. 

It was during those few years after she graduated when the anxiety and depression took over. She wasn’t alarmed or surprised considering the amount of trauma she’d been through. Mental illness had a way of creeping in and taking up space that was so silent and gradual in a way that Therese wondered if she always thought like this and saw the world in this light. She wondered if she always woke up with a sense of dread and tightness in her stomach and a fear that her existence was somehow insignificant to this world. She was emotionally tired all the time and constantly distracted and uninspired which was the worst thing to be as an artist. She found when she wasn’t creating that she felt like a failure, but when she was that nothing she made was good enough. She found it difficult to have anything to look forward to as she was always in the past thinking about things that had happened instead of being in the present. When she thought about the future it terrified her as she couldn’t really see anything. She didn’t know what was coming and couldn’t anticipate where she would be in a couple of years. Sometimes she tried to imagine an ideal life for herself, but what she came up with seemed so unrealistic and unattainable that it seemed way out of reach. She was on medication to help stabilize some of her thoughts and mood, but found the worst thing to be the abject loneliness she always felt no matter where she was. It made the world seem colourless and bleak and impersonal. She hoped that it wouldn’t always feel like this, but there was a sinking feeling in her stomach that told her she was being overly optimistic. 

\- - - - 

It was a normal weekday and Therese woke up in her tiny but cozy apartment. Since she no longer had Richard pitching in for rent she wasn’t able to afford something bigger, but she didn’t really mind as she was fairly low maintenance. All that mattered was that she had enough space to get messy and engage in her art. She got ready for another typical day at work and put on her typical uniform of paint splattered overalls and a clean t-shirt. She was out the door in a matter of minutes and quickly descended onto the New York City streets. She arrived at her workplace after a short walk and let herself in. The store was yet to open, but the employees arrived early to set up and clean a bit before the customers arrived. Therese enjoyed her job as it was fairly low key and casual, but she still managed to meet intriguing people and have interesting conversations, some about art and some not. It was important for her to have some sort of routine, it made her feel productive and gave her days a semblance of purpose. At the same time, however, too much structure made her feel mentally and creatively drained. She couldn’t quite explain it, that was the struggle with anxiety and depression and mental illness. She could try all she wanted to explain it and sometimes she could, but it still felt so personal and individual to her that it was hard to open up about it. She constantly felt like she was justifying or trying to validate her own feelings and she hated that. 

She tried her best to focus on the tasks at hand. She wiped down tables, turned on lights, counted the cash and put out some of the supplies. It was a large space and didn’t serve only to sell art supplies. They had workshops for both kids and adults there and they sold some local artists’ work. 

A young man, just a little older than her emerged from the back. Dannie McElroy, the owner and also her boss greeted her with a friendly smile, “Morning Belivet. You’re always on time.”

“I’m not exaggerating when I say I don’t have anything else to do,” Therese replied. 

“I doubt that. I’ve seen your work when you’re teaching the workshops here, you’re extremely talented,” he said kindly. 

Therese was embarrassed, she was horrible at taking compliments, “It’s just something I like to do,” she said nonchalantly. 

“I can see that. You’re a great employee don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I wish your talents were being used elsewhere.”

“Well no one’s knocking down my door to give me another job so I think I’ll be here for a while,” Therese said. 

Dannie gave her an even look, “Great. Keep up the good work then,” he said then was off to take care of something else around the store. 

The rest of her day went quickly when the store finally opened and the customers flooded in. She spent the next hours ringing through purchases, answering questions, stocking shelves and doing demonstrations of the products they sold. It was mid afternoon before she knew it and her shift was over. Therese was always grateful when the time came, but she also felt a sense of dread when she realized she had to find another way to spend her time. She had considered getting another job, but she was already working full time and doubtful that she would be able to find another position as good as this one. 

On her way back to her apartment she decided to stop at a cafe to get something to eat. She was waiting in line when the door opened behind her. The hairs on her neck were erected as a chill raced down her spine, not caused by the weather. Therese felt a familiar sinking feeling form in her stomach and her pulse began to race as she slowly glanced over her shoulder and saw who she thought to be Richard. Her mind or nerves didn’t give her the time to fully register the sight or else she would have realized that it wasn’t him. Before she was able to comprehend her actions she had exited the line and made her way towards the bathrooms at a breathtaking speed. She could hear her heartbeat thudding in her ears as she pushed open the door and ran into a stall, promptly collapsing on the tiled floor right after. She wasn’t sure if there was anyone else in the bathroom, but she wouldn’t have known as the sound of her own staggered breathing was deafening. She shut her eyes tightly as an attempt to destimulate herself, but was unsuccessful. All she could think of or concentrate on were her burning memories of her and Richard in their apartment. All the yelling and fighting and shouting. The contorted expressions on Richard’s face and his violent eyes. Therese could almost feel his hands on her and she suddenly felt suffocated and like she couldn’t breathe. Was she dying? It sounded dramatic, but she genuinely thought that was the case given how she felt. 

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but when the main door to the restrooms opened it was so loud and abrupt that Therese flinched inside her own stall. Quiet footsteps followed and Therese could see a woman’s pale ankles walk towards the sinks. Therese buried her head into her arms and tried again to control her breathing, but it was no use. She was in the midst of a full blown panic attack and there was no stopping it anytime soon. What soon stopped her shaking, crying and mind from racing was the sound of a woman’s voice. 

“Hello?” the voice called out in its low and hypnotic timbre. 

Therese felt her body seize up as she was reminded that she hadn’t properly closed or locked the door to her stall. 

“Is someone there?” the woman asked. 

Therese was frozen to her spot as the footsteps crept near and the door to her stall was gently pushed open. She didn’t look up at who had entered, she kept her eyeline fixed to what was directly front of her. She felt like a child who had just been caught by a parent doing something they shouldn’t have. She felt like she was about to be reprimanded or scolded or judged and she tried to mentally prepare herself for the blow. What came next was something, however, that Therese would have never been able to expect. 

The woman in question kneeled down so she was at the same height as Therese. She was astonishingly beautiful with wavy golden hair and deep blue eyes, however, her looks were contained in a sense and inherently natural. As if she was trying to suppress it or hide it from other’s view. Her eyes were open and showed no judgement and the only way Therese could explain the rest of her face, was kind. She was a complete stranger, but Therese knew this about her somehow and was confident in that conclusion. She momentarily forgot the state that she was in as she looked into the blonde’s eyes and easily got lost in her questioning gaze. 

“Are you having a panic attack?” the woman asked simply, but sensitively. 

Therese had never been asked such a forward question, but in a way she preferred it to the veiled questions that people so often asked instead. The woman didn’t bother with beating around the bush, however, she didn’t sound rude or intrusive. Therese normally would have ignored someone who approached her like this or would have found a way to escape, but something told her that this woman actually cared. That she wanted to help. 

“Yes,” she responded quietly. 

The woman’s eye contact with her didn’t waver, “Have you had one before?” 

“Yes,” Therese said again. 

“Do you typically take medication for it?”

In a different situation Therese may have been impressed or surprised by the woman’s clear range of knowledge and sensitivity towards the subject, but she wasn’t in the right state of mind. 

“Yes, but I didn’t bring it with me today,” she said. 

“Do you feel safe here?”

“I don’t know. I thought… I thought I saw someone, my ex, but I don’t think it was him. I just panicked,” Therese explained. 

The blonde listened patiently and attentively, “What do you need right now?”

Therese clutched at her chest and started to shake again, “I just feel like… I can’t breathe. Or maybe I’m breathing too fast I don’t know,” she said as hot tears spilled down her cheeks.

“Okay so what I need you to do is count slowly to ten. I’ll do it with you and if your breathing hasn’t slowed by then we’ll do it again until it does,” the woman said in an encouraging tone. 

“Alright.”

The two women took their time and gradually counted. It was something that Therese had been told to do in situations like this, but it had never worked until now. On the second try, she found that she wasn’t gasping for air any longer and that she could more clearly think. 

“How do you feel?”

“Better. Not great, but better.”

“Is there anyone that I can call for you?” the woman offered. 

“No. Thank you. You’ve already done so much,” Therese said, almost embarrassed. 

“What’s your name?” the woman asked. 

It was a simple question, but for some reason Therese felt like it held a lot more weight considering what they had both just experienced together. In a way it was validating the personal and intimate nature of the interaction. 

“Therese,” she said after a while. 

“Therese,” the woman said out loud, almost as if she was testing how it sounded, “My name is Carol.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! If you read, "Center Stage" this one very much is inspired by themes/events in Chapter 17 in that story, however, it is going to follow a very different storyline and structure than what I have done in the past. I wanted to explore some different relationship dynamics in this one and focus more on the psychology of our two leading ladies. These first two chapters have a lot more exposition than the others as I wanted to set up the characters and this new world. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and as always, your comments are very much appreciated.  
> xoxo easyliving


	2. Strange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because I think these first two chapters should be read together, also because I like spoiling you all ;)

From the outside most would say that Carol Ross had a perfect life, or that it seemed so at least. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why she had such compassion for those who weren’t as lucky as she had been. She had come from a good family and had a normal childhood growing up in New Jersey. She knew from a young age that she wanted to help people who were less fortunate than her and understand the inner workings of the societal system in place that let so many down. So she moved to New York City for college and triple majored in Psychology, Social Work and Sociology at Columbia. It was a lot of work, but paid off in the end and it made Carol even more sure in what she wanted to do in life. She immediately started working after graduating and had many jobs. She worked with the homeless, for rehabilitation centres and harm reduction programs, but found her true calling focusing on mental illness and working with youth. By the time she was twenty eight she was the founder and owner of one of the biggest youth centres in New York City called Juvenescence, that served many purposes to the public. They were a prominent centre for counselling and therapy as well as harm reduction and sex education. They held events and educational talks along with opportunities for teens to meet one another and connect. They were privately funded which allowed them more freedom in their choices and also the resources they were able to offer. It was by far Carol’s biggest achievement and she was beyond thrilled by the amount of success it had received in the seven years it had been open. It was important to her that she was helping to make change that was tangible and palpable. 

It was just when Carol was getting ready to open Juvenescence that she met Genevieve Cantrell. During high school and college Carol dated and had a few serious relationships, but none of them ever lasted more than a year. No one had ever swept her off her feet like Genevieve did. She’d met the woman on one of those unexpected and off hand nights out with friends where you’d go to ten places in one night and meet about fifty people whose names you’d forget in the next five minutes. Carol did not forget Geneveive’s name, however, and the other woman seemed to make it her mission to have Carol the moment they met. Carol remembered that introduction and how Genevieve had turned in her seat to greet her with her obsidian coloured eyes and platinum hair. She was quite possibly the most elegant and glamorous creature Carol had ever laid eyes on and it was almost impossible to look away. The image of the alluring and almost predatory smile that spread across Genevieve’s face was seared into her mind. The rest was history in regards to their relationship. For some strange reason, the fair haired beauty had become enthralled by her and they spent the next year passionately courting each other. Genevieve proposed to her soon after and that was that. Much to Carol’s surprise they quickly became one of New York City’s power couples as they were both young and successful female entrepreneurs. It all seemed to just work and fall into place with Genevieve so Carol never questioned it any further. 

Carol loved Genevieve, she truly did, however, she quickly realized that they shared few goals and aspirations for their lives. Genevieve had a hunger and likeness towards luxury and monetary wealth, it was the main way in which she measured her success. She wasn’t necessarily greedy, but she definitely enjoyed the finer things in life. The couple lived in an opulent penthouse in the city and were jet setting off on tropical vacations every year. Genevieve was always dressed in the latest and best fashion and buying things for herself and Carol was one of her favorite pastimes. It wasn’t that Carol didn’t like the comfortability. They had both worked hard to get to where they were and deserved their achievements, but Carol measured her success in a different way to her wife. Perhaps it was the nature of her job and who she was at her core that made her uncomfortable with all the wealth and excess. It was definitely a point of contention between her and Genevieve that she was careful not to bring up as the conversation was never productive. 

Sometimes she wondered if Genevieve liked that she was so independent and that she had her own enterprise. She knew that if her wife had it her own way, that Carol would be more dependent on her, would dote on her more often. It was hard for Genevieve to not be the constant focus of her attention all the time as she knew that Carol was extremely passionate and involved in her work at Juvenescence. She knew it wasn’t a reach to assume that Genevieve was competitive and liked getting what she wanted. Sometimes she thought about if the reason they were together was because they were both so different. This was a positive and a negative thing as it drew them together because of the initial interest and fascination, but caused struggle in many aspects of their relationship and marriage. Carol wasn’t going to flip completely one day and turn into Genevieve and she questioned whether the other woman actually understood that. Some may think that the person one spent most of their time with would know them best. In Carol’s case, however, it often felt like Genevieve and her were just scratching the surface even after eight years together. Carol wondered if loneliness was something most people felt in a marriage, but somehow she knew it wasn’t. 

\- - - -

It was early morning and Carol woke up before Genevieve, just like always. She carefully unwound herself from the other woman’s tender hold and kissed her forehead before slipping out of their bed. She padded over to their ensuite, tied her hair up then quickly got into the shower, exhaling deeply as the hot water descended onto her skin. She relished the quiet moments like this in her life. While she loved and was truly fulfilled by her work and life in the big city she often wondered if she was better suited to being in the quiet in a countryside somewhere. She was a deeply sensitive and contemplative person and didn’t always favour big crowds or busy events. She wasn’t shy, she was able to command the attention of a large and full room and speak publicly in regards to her work and was always able to put the interests of others before herself. She often grew tired, however, of living in constant overstimulation and being around others who don’t recognize the value of solitude. 

Carol exited the shower and wrapped a towel around her torso. She walked up to the fogged mirror above the bathroom counter and dragged a hand across it to clear it, revealing herself in the reflection. After thirty-five years a different face and person seemed to greet her each time she looked. Or perhaps it was just difficult for her to try to perceive herself in a more objective manner since internally, she felt like she was always changing. Her eyes were the only part of her face and body that she personally recognized day to day. Carol had always been described as beautiful by people in her life as well as strangers and she didn’t really know what to make of it. It was flattering sure, but the compliment so often seemed to be an empty one. She wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted people’s first impression of her to be. She’d rather people see her as kind or open minded, something to do more so with her personality and persona. Maybe it was because of this that she wasn’t too fussed with her appearance. She obviously cared enough to make herself presentable especially considering her job, but she definitely didn’t take any extra measures on the daily to emphasize or accentuate her looks. Most days she settled for a good pair of jeans, a button up shirt and a trusty pair of ankle boots to get her through her day. She liked having her hair off her face in a messy ponytail or bun, despite Genevieve’s protests and only bothered with having sunscreen and moisturizer on her face. She was extremely practical which was ironic given the kind of lifestyle she led with her grand home.

After finishing up in the bathroom she crept back into the bedroom, still dressed in only her towel and en route to the closet. Suddenly one of the bedside lamps was turned on and startled Carol. 

“Shit, you scared me!” she said, clutching her chest as she looked over at Genevieve who was awake and sitting up in bed. 

Genevieve threw her head back and laughed, “You were the one creeping around,” she pointed out. 

“Because I was trying not to wake you!”

“Baby it’s been eight years. I know by now that you get up early,” Genevieve said lovingly, “Come here.”

Carol walked over to their bed and Genevieve quickly pulled her into a passionate kiss, “Good morning,” she said against Carol’s lips, “I like the outfit by the way.”

Carol rolled her eyes playfully, “You mean the lack of one?”

Genevieve’s dark eyes shimmered, “Maybe,” she said slyly as she reached for the top of Carol’s towel. 

Carol was quick and managed to retreat out of Genevieve’s grasp then headed towards their walk in closet. 

“You’re no fun!” Genevieve called. 

Carol smiled to herself, “We both know we’ll get nothing done today if you keep that up!” she called back.

\- - - - 

Carol had a rather typical and productive morning at Juvenescence. She took care of some administration work, had a staff meeting and sat in on a couple of the workshops and groups that were happening around the centre. By mid afternoon she figured it was time to take a break and ventured out to one of her favorite cafe’s to get something to eat. When she arrived there she purchased a tea and a sandwich then sat down at one of the tables by the window with her lunch. One of the things she loved about living in the city was all the people watching. No matter where you were, there was always something to see and experience, whether that be street performers or just people going about their days. 

After she had finished she made her way to the bathroom just to freshen up and make sure she didn’t have any residual food stuck in her teeth. When she pushed open the door and walked in she went over to the mirrors and leaned forward to check her teeth. A couple moments passed when she realized that she wasn’t alone. Typically this wouldn’t have been a problem, but what caught her attention was the sound of… crying? It was so subtle and contained that she wasn’t sure whether she heard it or not. Carol paused and was silent as she just barely made out the sound of someone’s staggered breathing. She turned around and looked at the first stall, the door wasn’t completely closed and she could tell someone was sitting on the floor. 

Some may have found the situation uncomfortable or strange. Most probably would have left, but Carol was the exception. The clues and signs were all too familiar to her and she felt confident in her knowledge and ability to assess the situation to offer help to the person if needed. When she called out twice she noticed that the crying and shaky breathing quieted, like they were being repressed or contained. She walked slowly over to the stall and lightly pushed the door open to reveal a young woman with dark hair, curled up on the tiled floor. 

Carol scanned the area first to make sure there wasn’t any paraphernalia around or anything that could be used to harm somebody. It looked like it was just this young woman alone. She slowly bent down and kneeled in front of her so they were eye level. When they looked into each other’s eyes, Carol was immediately taken aback. The woman may have seemed young, but her eyes looked like they were centuries old. They were a pale green colour with flecks of gold in them, they were mesmerizing. Her face had an inherent youthfulness to it, but Carol could see years of experience and hurt in it, that made her seem overall guarded. She had petite features and a permanently arched brow, her mouth wavered as it tried to hold back emotion. Carol composed herself and refocused as she tried to help the woman calm down from what was clearly a panic attack. Soon enough, the woman’s breathing had returned to a more normal state and her eyes were looking less glassy. Despite this, however, Carol didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone. There was a long pause between the two women and Carol felt desperate to make sure that she was okay. She was afraid that the young woman would diminish how she was feeling. 

“Is there anyone I can call for you?” she asked.

“No. Thank you. You’ve already done so much,” the other woman said quickly. 

“What’s your name?” Carol asked, almost instantly regretting it. Was that too forward?

“Therese,” the woman replied shortly after. 

“Therese,” Carol repeated. What a strange name she thought, “My name is Carol,” she offered. 

“Thank you again. For everything,” Therese said meaningfully. 

“You don’t need to thank me,” Carol said kindly, “I’m glad I was here.”

There was another pause, then, “Do you do this often?” Therese asked, slightly defensively. 

Carol swallowed, “I worked for many years as a social worker.”

“Ah, I thought there was something familiar about you,” Therese said quietly. 

It didn’t seem appropriate for Carol to ask for further details so she dismissed the statement, “Do you have panic attacks like this often?” she asked instead. 

“They used to be more regular, but I still have them now and then yes,” Therese said honestly. 

“Do you have someone to talk to?”

Therese shifted uncomfortably, “I can’t afford a therapist or a counsellor if that’s what you mean.”

Carol reached into her pocket and pulled out a business card which was tucked into her wallet. 

“It’s completely up to you if you want to use it, but please feel free to contact me if you need to,” she said, extending the card out to Therese. 

“I told you I can’t afford-” Therese started.

Carol waved her hand, “Not as a professional.”

Therese looked confused, “Then as what?”

Carol shrugged, “Whatever you want. A friend perhaps?”

Carol could have sworn she saw the beginnings of a smile creep across Therese’s face, “I hardly know you,” the brunette said mysteriously. 

“Well there’s one way to change that.”

Therese regarded Carol with an unreadable expression then took the card, “This is one of the strangest days ever,” the young woman murmured.

Carol couldn’t help but agree.


	3. Bewilder

After meeting Carol, Therese felt like she had a new sense of purpose and energy injected into her. Her day had taken a complete turn after her panic attack that actually brought her to meeting the other woman. After both women had parted ways, Therese rushed home, put on her shaggy, paint ruined clothes and got to work in her own mini home studio. Some days she had to force herself to sit down and create something, but today was different. She worked late into the night and barely got any sleep, but she didn’t care. She had images and flashes of golden hair and deep blue eyes in her head that she needed to capture in whatever she could. Before she knew it, she was surrounded by various sketches and paintings with the specific colour scheme. When she paused to look at them she realized that while they didn’t feature Carol’s face, they still reminded her of the woman. They were calm and reassuring, but deep and interesting. They evoked a plethora of feelings without having to say or display much, there was a natural beauty to them. The pieces were probably the most abstract work Therese had ever made and for once, she was proud of them. She felt an urge to share them with someone, but quickly remembered that she didn’t have anyone. 

A vast emptiness and loneliness filled her body then, but she tried her best to reign it in. Once she got thinking deeply about a worry or insecurity of hers, it was hard to stop. It was like it opened up a vortex that she was soon sucked into as she spiralled further and further into her thoughts. It was a strange contrast as she either felt her emotions too deeply or did not feel anything at all. She would go weeks or sometimes months feeling numb to the world as if she was looking through some dirty or fogged lens. Or sometimes it would be long periods of time where everything and anything created a rise out of her. She could be intensely sensitive and reactive to people and activity around her even if it wasn’t directed at her. These were things about her that had been present since she was a child. In some ways it has all gotten better as she has aged while simultaneously becoming worse. She often confused reality with her own perceived depiction of the world. There were times when she believed every thought of hers to be true and the way things actually were. Didn’t everyone react to the world in this way? Perhaps not. She didn’t think Carol did, however, the woman seemed to have understood the way Therese had been feeling without judgement or scrutiny.

She retrieved the card that Carol had given her from her pocket and held it in her hand as if it were a precious jewel. She wasn’t quite sure how to process her emotions after the unexpected interaction with the woman, however, there was one thing that she was certain of; she wanted to know Carol. Throughout her life, Therese had few people she really connected to, that she could trust, that she liked even. There was something about the blonde though that made her want to crush down all those walls. This discovery both terrified and excited her simultaneously, she felt like she had some kind of debilitating fever as she tried to calm herself down. She knew how irrational it was, to feel this connected to and intrigued by someone who was practically a stranger. Was Carol thinking of her too? Or after leaving Therese, did the interaction completely slip from her mind? Was Therese being delusional? At this point she almost didn’t even care, she just hoped that Carol was being true to her word in offering to be friends. She didn’t realize how much she truly wanted a friend, someone to talk to and trust and confide in. She wanted Carol to be that person. Actually, she needed Carol to be that person.

The following day Therese kept on sneaking glances at Carol's business card while at work. She felt like a woman possessed, when had anyone that she crossed in her life held her attention so raptly? For once she wasn’t stuck in her own mind, consumed by her own thoughts or burdened by her overwhelming emotions. She could see more clearly, more openly as if her vision had suddenly widened to the world around her. She felt a warmth and fluttering within her, a sense of hope that she never thought would exist within her again. She was desperate to hold on to it and wondered if this encounter with Carol meant something more. It felt as though her life was about to change in some way, she knew this intuitively. 

She must have been thinking fairly intensely, as she suddenly caught Dannie looking at her with a curious expression out of the corner of her eye. She felt self conscious all of a sudden and rammed the small piece of paper back into her pocket. 

“Sorry,” she muttered half heartedly. 

Dannie raised his eyebrows slightly, “Nothing to apologize for. Something on your mind?”

Therese winced, “Was it that obvious?”

Dannie grinned, “Well it did look like you were about to burn a hole into that paper.”

“I probably shouldn’t have brought it, it’s clearly too distracting,” Therese said, “But funnily enough it’s now my most prized possession.”

“It sounds all very exciting and mysterious,” Dannie observed, “I’ve got to say I’m just glad to see you smiling for once.”

Therese was fully embarrassed now. She so often felt invisible that she frequently forgot that she wasn’t actually. 

“I don’t mean to pry,” Dannie added, “It was just something I noticed.”

“No, it’s okay,” Therese reassured, “I just… don’t have many people in my life to talk to, that's all. So it’s strange to hear that someone has noticed something about me.”

Dannie paused as he registered Therese’s words, “I’m sure there are people out there who want to listen, maybe you just have to be willing to talk and commence the conversation.”

“Perhaps,” Therese said, “Yes, you’re right.”

Dannie shrugged, “The boss is always right,” he said with a smile, “So do me a favour and call whoever’s number is on that card.”

“How did you know there’s a phone number on it?” Therese questioned. 

“There’s only one explanation behind that bewildered expression you have on your face,” Dannie said confidently. 

“And what’s that?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

\- - - - 

Therese had come home after her shift was over and was immediately confronted by all the pieces she had made the previous night. The reminder gave her the last encouragement she needed to retrieve Carol’s card and actually dial the woman’s number. Her hands shook as she pressed the call button and held her phone up to her ear. Her heartbeat was loud in her ears again as her breathing started to rapidly increase. The monotonous dial tone repeated three times before the line was picked up. Therese sharply inhaled as Carol’s warm and melodic voice greeted her on the other end. 

“Hello? Carol Ross speaking.”

Therese almost hung up the phone at the sound of the other woman’s voice. She could feel the regret start to sink into her, why did she think this was a good idea again? 

“Hi,” she said, immediately regretting her choice of greeting. 

There was a brief pause, “Therese is that you?”

How did Carol know so quickly? Had the blonde been waiting for her to call?

“Yes,” Therese breathed. 

“Are you alright? Is everything okay?” Carol asked. Therese could tell that the woman was trying to be calm, but she picked up a sense of panic in the other woman’s voice. 

“Yes, everything’s fine. I didn’t mean to worry you,” Therese said quickly, “I just wanted to say thank you again for yesterday.”

“Of course. Also you don’t have to thank me,” Carol said in a gentle tone. 

“I’m not used to experiencing random acts of kindness,” Therese explained, “There’s typically always some sort of catch or condition.”

“Well, you’ll find with me that I’m rather transparent. Perhaps too much so.”

There was another pause, “I’m glad you called,” Carol said. 

Therese’s breath hitched, “Really?”

“Yes. I meant it when I said that we could be friends.”

Therese clutched onto her phone, “Why would you want to be friends with me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

Therese heard Carol clear her throat, “Then tell me something, Therese.”

She could tell that the other woman was smiling. She moved over to her sofa and sat down, tucking her legs underneath her. 

“What would you like to know?” she asked. 

“Oh, anything. What do you do?”

Therese swallowed, “I work at an art store. But I make my own pieces in my free time.”

“You’re an artist?”

“I’m not sure if I would call it that,” Therese said embarrassedly. 

“What kind of things do you make?” Carol seemed clearly interested. 

“Paintings, drawings, ceramics, sometimes I do embroidery. Anything really.” 

“Can I see your work sometime?”

Therese faltered, she hardly showed anyone her work. Richard had been the exception, but she found out later that he kept his true opinions from her. It was hard for her to accept criticism without deeming herself to have no talent. Because her work was her outlet to express herself, it was also extremely personal and vulnerable. It was a part of her. But wasn’t this what friends did? Shared parts of their lives with each other? Therese was scared that if she declined, Carol would think she was closed off and cold. 

“Alright. Yes,” she said. 

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“What do you do?” Therese asked quickly, wanting the conversation to be equal.

“I run a youth centre here in the city. It’s called Juvenescence,” Carol said. 

The name sounded familiar to Therese, “What is it for?”

“All sorts of things. We offer counselling, sex education, harm reduction workshops, support groups and such,” Carol spoke easily about her work, without any hesitancy. 

“No wonder you’re so knowledgeable,” Therese remarked. 

“Only in a couple areas. I know nothing about art, you’ll have to teach me,” Carol said. 

“I’d be a horrid teacher,” Therese said through a half hearted laugh. 

“I don’t think so. All that matters is that you’re passionate and that you care.”

“I suppose so.”

Another pause, “Are you sure you are alright Therese?” Carol asked. 

“Yes. I’m just not used to… well… talking to people. I keep to myself quite a bit,” Therese said, becoming increasingly aware of how consistently apologetic she had been today.

“Well there’s nothing wrong with that. And for the record, I like talking to you,” Carol said warmly. 

Therese didn’t know what to say to that. She felt a flush spread across her cheeks and sweat start to appear on her brow out of nervousness and embarrassment. Or was it only because of that?

“What are you thinking?” Carol asked softly.

“Too many things.”

“I should probably go,” Carol said after a moment’s silence, “We’ll talk soon? Or maybe I'll see you in person?”

The hopeful tone in the other woman’s voice gave Therese the reassurance she needed, “I’d like that.”

There was a silence on Carol’s end and Therese wondered if the woman wanted to say something more, she seemed like she was holding back. She heard her swallow and speak once more, “Goodbye Therese.”


	4. Alter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read the end notes!

“You’ve got to have a better excuse than that.”

“It’s not an excuse, it’s the truth.”

“You’re saying I haven’t seen you in three weeks because you’ve been busy with work?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“I’m your only friend Carol! Shouldn’t you have more time for me?”

“Very funny, Abigail. Also that’s not true, I have another friend.”

“Oh do tell,” Abby Gerhard, her best friend, grinned at her from over the rim of her glass. 

The two friends were out for drinks at one of their favorite bars on a Friday night. It had been a few days since Therese had called Carol and she wanted to tell Abby about her, however, she was worried that sharing the information would take her out of the euphoric bubble she had recently been living in. She was happy with her life, but there was nothing overly surprising about it, so this encounter with Therese had shaken her up for the better. They’d only had one real proper face to face interaction and yet Carol felt connected to the young woman somehow. Their phone call had confirmed this even more in Carol’s eyes, there was a sense of ease and playfulness between them that was comfortable and reassuring. She had figured that Therese wouldn’t have been interested in pursuing a friendship with a strange, middle aged woman, but she had surprised her. Carol wondered if Therese felt just as lonely and isolated as she did, if these feelings were what drew them together. Abby and her had grown up together, and their friendship had been one that had actually lasted through the years. Her and Genevieve were the most important people in her life and she wanted that to be enough, but sometimes it just wasn’t. It felt like there was something missing and it’s felt that way for a while now. 

Carol didn’t necessarily push people away or reject being social, her job entailed a lot of interaction and collaboration. It was hard for her, however, to truly connect with people as so many wanted her to be something she wasn’t, much like Genevieve. She didn’t know why this was, or what about her personality and persona people didn’t like. She figured people expected her to be more extroverted or bold and found it shocking to find out she was the opposite. She encountered and met all kinds of people in her daily life and at work and engaged in a lot of meaningless, unimportant conversation. She found that people were often quite self possessed and found it hard to participate in meaningful interactions. People rarely wanted to get to know her for who she truly was. It was interesting then, that she was able to understand people and be there for them in terms of her work, but few were able to be there emotionally for her in return.

Being around Abby was a breath of fresh air, a reprieve from Genevieve as much as Carol hated to admit it. She so often felt suffocated by her wife and their apartment for no clear reason. She felt ungrateful on the daily for feeling unfulfilled in spite of her immense privileges, she was proof herself that no one truly had a perfect life, no matter how much it seemed that way. When she was around Abby, she no longer had to pretend that everything was okay, that she was okay. The other woman had a no excuses policy that Carol deeply valued and appreciated. She was always able to read her and understand her when no one else could. 

Carol picked up her glass and watched the alcohol slosh inside, like a model sailboat in a bottle, rough and stormy, “I met someone the other day,” she began. 

Abby cocked an eyebrow, “What kind of someone?”

“A young woman. We met in a cafe’s bathroom,” Carol shook her head. 

“How strange.”

“She was having a panic attack.”

“Ah, well that makes sense.”

“Why?”

Abby shrugged, “You’re always doing the right thing. Always there to help.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Stop being modest Carol. So who is she? What’s she like?” Abby urged her on. 

Carol deliberated, “Very internal, but I don’t think she wants to be. She seems kind of trapped. She’s an artist.”

“Oh, aren’t they all?” Abby smiled and leaned back with her arms crossed, “It sounds like you’re quite taken with her.”

“She’s so interesting, she’s like some alien or angel, I can’t figure it out. I think she needs a friend or wants one at least.”

“Well let me know if you need a reference,” Abby smirked, “I’ll make it a glowing one.”

“You’re the last person I would trust to give any sort of reference,” Carol said playfully, “But thank you.”

Abby looked at her with an even expression from across the table, “Is this just friendship for you?” she asked eventually.

Carol was taken aback, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. It’s something about the way you look when you talk about her. It seems like there’s more to it.”

“I’m married Abigail,” Carol said defensively. 

“The heart doesn’t know that,” Abby pointed out, “Also it’s not like you’re a perfectly content wife.”

Carol gave her friend a look, “You never cared for Genevieve.”

“Why would I? You barely want to spend time with her. Also she’s intensely possessive.”

“That’s not true.”

“Carol, come on.”

Carol exhaled deeply, “When did we get onto the topic of my marriage?” she said half heartedly. 

Abby reached across the table and covered Carol’s hand with her own, “I just want you to be happy.”

Carol opened her mouth to argue, but promptly closed it. There was no use telling white lies to Abby, “I know,” she replied instead. 

Suddenly her phone lit up in her pocket, followed by a vibration. She retrieved it and glanced at the screen to see a notification with Geneveive’s name. 

“What a coincidence,” Abby muttered, “What does she want?”

Carol shot Abby another look, “To know where I am. It’s Friday night after all I suppose,” she said as she typed back a response. 

She drained the rest of her drink quickly and leaned across the table to kiss Abby on the cheek, “I should go,” she said apologetically. 

“Promise it won’t be so long before we see each other next?” Abby asked, expectantly. 

“I promise, I’ll talk to you soon,” Carol got up and put on her jacket.

“Let me know what happens with that girl… what was her name?”

Carol looked back at Abby and couldn’t stop the smile that appeared on her lips, “Therese.”

\- - - - 

Carol exited the elevator that led right into the living room of their penthouse to see Genevieve waiting for her. Whenever she saw her wife, Carol was easily and instantly transported back to the night they met. Genevieve’s beauty was alarming and striking, and her personality mirrored this. In their case, opposites definitely attracted and perhaps their extreme differences were what kept their marriage and relationship dynamic and interesting, however, these things were also what created a divide between them. Carol crossed the room towards her wife, tossing her jacket and bag on the sofa along the way. 

“Sorry, I was out having a drink with Abby,” she said before kissing Genevieve’s hollow cheek.

“Abby. Of course, I should have known,” Genevieve wrapped her arms around Carol’s waist and held her close, “I miss you. I feel like we haven’t spent that much time together recently”

A wave of guilt washed over Carol as she saw the disappointed look on her wife’s face. She knew that she should be making more effort with her, that the distance between them was predominantly because of her. Or was she just making excuses? Did her heart lie somewhere else, like Abby had suggested? Had she been recently altered?

“I know, I’ve been distracted,” Carol ran her hand through Genevieve’s silky hair, “Maybe we can do something together this weekend?”

Genevieve cocked an eyebrow and a seductive smile spread across her face, “Or we could do something now?” she said in a low voice as her manicured hand found the collar of Carol’s shirt and started to make its way down, methodically releasing the buttons. 

Carol inhaled deeply when Genevieve’s hand found it’s way into her shirt and against her skin, nails gently scratching. 

“Touch me, Carol. Kiss me,” Genevieve said in a low voice. 

Carol felt her body and impulses take over as she pulled the woman against her by the nape of her neck and into a crushing kiss. Genevieve smelled profoundly of amber and jasmine and the woman’s scent was absolutely maddening to Carol, who eagerly moved to take off her wife’s clothing while still maintaining their contact. Genevieve groaned into Carol’s mouth at her reciprocation and guided them backwards until Carol’s back hit the counter of their kitchen island. Carol soon felt herself being hoisted up onto the surface, her wife moving to stand between her legs. The blue eyes met the dark ones and there was a moment where something inexplicable passed between them, some kind of mutual understanding and compromise. The tension was soon broken when Carol removed her shirt and Genevieve made quick work of her remaining clothing. Carol’s own eyes darkened as they roamed over her wife’s newly bare form and all its dips, curves, fullness and tautness. A wicked smile appeared across Genevieve’s lips as she undid Carol’s jeans and pulled them off her long legs, leaving her in just her underwear. 

Carol’s chest was heaving as she bent down to kiss Genevieve, her hands clutching the other woman’s face. With one hand, Genevieve skillfully hooked a finger into Carol’s underwear and dragged it off, leaving both women exposed and defenceless in each other’s presence. Carol could already feel the heat building between her legs, but this was emphasized even more so when her wife parted her knees further, her hand making contact with the delicate folds. Dark eyes bore into her own as the pace of the ministrations increased and a tightness formed in Carol’s lower stomach. She could feel a slickness emerge from between her legs, encasing her wife’s hand and slowly descending down her thighs that was warm and viscous.

“Does that feel good baby?” Genevieve hummed before leaning forward to capture Carol’s breast in her mouth. 

“Yes,” Carol breathed, “Don’t stop.”

“I’m not planning on it. God you’re gorgeous. All spread out and wet for me,” Genevieve purred against her skin.

Carol braced herself by throwing an arm around her wife’s shoulders, desperately trying to seek out even closer contact. She started to roll her body against Genevieve’s hand in fluid motions as she felt a delicious warmth spread throughout her. When she climaxed and started to stutter in her movements, Genevieve bit down firmly onto her collarbone, eliciting a rather vocal moan from Carol. Before she had a chance to come down from her high, her wife threw her legs over her shoulders and eagerly placed her mouth on her throbbing sex. Carol cried out from surprise and arousal and hooked her legs around the woman more tightly. She could feel the vibrations of Genevieve moaning into her and instantly felt another wave of wetness form in her core. Carol was no longer able to keep herself upright and fell back onto the kitchen counter, her back arching in a delicious curve under her wife’s relentless touch and attention. Her hands found their way into the white blonde hair and gripped hard as she rolled her hips into the other woman. They maintained a punishing rhythm that was later interrupted when Carol experienced her second climax. Genevieve didn’t let up until her body completely relaxed, it was then that she hopped up on the counter and crawled over the length of her wife, her eyes blown out and lips sore. She straddled Carol’s hips and licked her fingers while looking suggestively at her. 

“You taste delicious.”

\- - - - 

A break and several rounds later, the couple were now half dressed and lounging in their living room in front of the fire. Carol had haphazardly thrown her button up and underwear back on while Genevieve had opted to cover herself with one of her many silk robes. Their limbs were tangled up in each other, both women deliciously spent and satisfied from the night’s activities. They’d always had an electric and very present sex life, the chemistry was there from the start and it had only gotten stronger over the years, much to both women’s surprise. Carol obviously reaped the benefits, but she often wondered if the sex and the history between them was what kept them together, kept the marriage from falling apart. It felt selfish and wrong to stay with someone solely for these reasons, but Carol knew that she wasn’t alone in feeling this. That Genevieve too felt the space and disconnect between them, perhaps she was just better than Carol at ignoring it. It was nights like this though, when they did connect, Carol regretted questioning their relationship in the first place. Things seemed clearer, seemed to make more sense. Their relationship wasn’t just based on their sexual chemistry and intensity, they did love each other and care for each other. But reconnecting in a manner like tonight, however, was often what they needed to refocus and recenter. It was in the heat of their erotic desire that they got the closest emotionally that they could possibly be. It still wasn’t close enough though, Carol would always feel like there was something missing between them and she wondered if she would ever accept or settle for that. 

Carol looked across at her wife and admired how beautiful she looked with the flicker of the fire’s flames across her skin. The woman was much paler than her, but her alabaster skin was not translucent, it was smooth and faultless like stone. While Carol had often been told throughout her life that she was attractive, she barely held a candle to her wife. Genevieve was the pure essence of feminine sensuality, her looks held a certain dominance and power. She had a figure that looked like it had been sculpted by an artist, with full breasts, round hips and deliciously toned legs and arms. She had high cheekbones, a sharp jaw and pouty mouth. She oozed glamour and was sensuous without even trying. She was a couple years older and Carol remembered being shocked that she was single upon meeting her. But then again, Genevieve liked control and preferred being the pursuer, she liked the chase. 

Genevieve caught Carol staring and moved closer, her hands sliding up her legs to rest at her thighs. Despite being previously exhausted, Carol’s body was on full alert again at the woman’s touch. 

“What’s going on in that beautiful blonde head of yours?” Genevieve asked as she methodically massaged Carol’s skin.

Carol remembered what Therese had said to her over the phone, “Too many things.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had several questions about my connection to this subject matter and I just wanted to let you all know that it's entirely based off of personal experience/previous knowledge. The perspectives and experiences portrayed in this story are completely subjective and are not claiming any kind of universal truth :)


	5. Kindle

It had been a week since Therese had called Carol and she was wondering if she would have to pluck up the courage to do it again. Or should she wait for Carol to contact her? She wasn’t sure if eagerness was attractive or not and she did not want to risk coming off too clingy. She would be lying to herself, however, if she said she wasn’t thinking about Carol constantly. She wanted to talk to her more, see her more and it had seemed that Carol felt similarly when they had spoken last. It had been a long time since Therese felt this excited about someone or about her life in general. She’d woken up the past days with a clearer sense of purpose and a hesitant happiness bubbling within her. Typically she rarely allowed herself to get too ahead in her hopes given her track record of not having any present and consistent figures in her life. With Carol, however, she felt different. Therese felt like she could trust the woman, she knew this in her gut and she desperately hoped that she wasn’t going to be blindsided and proven wrong like always. 

It was a weekday and almost the end of what was a fairly regular shift for Therese at work. The shop was in the middle of its afternoon rush and she was at the front counter, ringing people’s orders through the cash register. There was a persistent line in front of her and while she wasn’t necessarily panicked, she was incredibly busy. At this point she was just going through the motions and hoping that she wasn’t coming off as rude or inexperienced to the customers. She felt like she entered a frenzy mode and soon enough the line had dwindled down. She was getting ready to put through the next order when a small drawing book and some graphite pencils were placed on the counter and slid towards her. 

“I wanted to get these,” a low and hypnotic voice greeted her. 

Therese would’ve recognized that voice anywhere, she whipped her head up and was pleasantly surprised to see Carol standing on the other side of the counter. It was like the woman had telepathically heard what Therese had been thinking and decided to materialize right in front of her. She composed herself as she was reminded of where she was, but a warm feeling spread throughout her as she looked at Carol’s beautiful smiling face.

“I hope this is a good surprise,” the blonde said quietly.

“Yes of course,” Therese breathed, “I’m off in less than half an hour… if you want to wait?” she asked hesitantly. 

Carol smiled wider, “Sounds great.”

With shaking hands, Therese ran in the woman’s order and Carol flashed her another dazzling smile before leaving the counter. Therese took her first proper breath since seeing the woman and tried her best to focus for the remainder of her shift. She was now even more eager to get out of there, screw the customers she had more important matters to deal with. A couple times she spotted Carol out of the corner of her eye casually looking around the store and had to prevent her hands from shaking even more. Carol was actually here, she had taken the time to come see her at work with the hopes that they would spend time together afterwards. 

When Therese’s shift was finished, she hastily ran into the backroom to get her things before flying out of the store to find Carol. She didn’t have to look for long, as the woman was contently leaning against the side of the store, watching the people pass by. Therese felt her breath catch in her throat as she was once again awestruck by the presence of Carol. Everything about her just radiated sunshine and warmth and Therese had a feeling that was just the way she was naturally.   
Carol looked up suddenly and smiled and Therese. Even though the woman had already done so several times, Therese found that she was reminding herself to breathe. 

“I’m glad you came,” Therese said before she lost her nerve. 

“Me too. I thought we could go for a walk? Maybe head towards the park?”

“Sounds good to me,” Therese didn’t care what they did. She just wanted to be with Carol. 

The two women fell into step together and made their way through the city streets. Carol immediately began to question her about her work in a way that wasn’t intrusive or off putting, but that showed she was deeply interested. She was excellent at asking thought provoking questions that Therese often didn’t have the answers to, while still being an attentive listener. Therese desperately wanted to keep up, she was afraid that Carol would eventually make the conclusion that she was dull or uninteresting. However, she doubted this would happen since Carol was so transparent and open and giving. Therese figured she was the least judgemental person she knew and that her obvious passion for helping people was genuine and real, unlike so many people in this world. 

“Tell me about yourself,” Therese said when they had almost reached Central Park, “I’m tired of hearing my own voice.”

“Trust me, it’s much more interesting than mine,” Carol said, eyes twinkling, “What would you like to know?”

“Anything, everything,” Therese said eagerly, “Where did you grow up? Do you have any siblings?”

“Oh no I wish. I’m an only child.”

“Me too.”

“I grew up in New Jersey and lived there until college. It’s very pretty and quiet, but I found it isolating at the time. Now I would probably give anything to live in a place like that,” Carol admitted. 

“You don’t like Manhattan?”

“I love the city from an objective and aesthetic perspective. I just often feel like a fish out of water here.”

Therese understood where Carol was coming from, however, she figured that Carol would fit in no matter where she was. 

“It’s funny how you can feel so lonely in a place with so many people,” Therese commented. 

Carol paused and looked at Therese with an indecipherable expression, “What a strange girl you are,” she said eventually. 

Therese didn’t know what to make of that statement, however, it didn’t sound entirely critical or negative, “What do you mean?”

Carol shook her head and looked down briefly, “Flung out of space.”

Therese was unsure of what to say to this. Before she could deliberate Carol’s words further, however, she too looked down and noticed the wedding band and engagement ring that decorated her left hand. Was it at all surprising? No. But Therese would be lying if she said that she wasn’t disappointed, that something inside of her didn’t shatter. Therese also immediately reprimanded herself for having this reaction. Carol was a friend, the woman had been nothing but kind to her and wanted to kindle a friendship with her, that was all. And that was what Therese wanted, she had always wanted a friend that she could actually trust and letting these feelings, if that’s what they were, get in the way would ruin it all. 

Carol matched Therese’s eye line after a while and almost moved to hide her hand, but there was no use. Therese could have sworn that she was embarrassed, flustered, but perhaps she was projecting that onto the woman. 

“How long have you been married?” Therese asked in what she hoped was a calm voice. 

“Seven years, but we’ve been together for eight.”

“Wow, that’s a long time. What’s your husband’s name?”

“My wife’s name is Genevieve,” Carol said through a slight smile. 

Therese was horrified, “Oh I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I suppose it’s still uncommon these days. Even in the twenty-first century.”

“Does she work in the same field as you?” Therese asked. 

“No, she’s an entrepreneur as well but she works in the media industry.”

The two arrived at Central Park and merged amongst the other pedestrians, bicyclists and skateboarders. While it was still a busy spot, there was a sense of calm that Therese felt there, it was an escape in the thick of what was such a populated city. 

“What about you?” Carol asked after a couple moments of silence.

“Hm?”

“Is there anyone special in your life?” Carol asked in a sing-song voice that caused Therese to smile. 

Therese shook her head, “No, there hasn’t been anyone for a while. There was Richard, the man I thought I saw the day we met. He was my only serious relationship, but things weren’t… good between us,” she said quietly. 

Carol’s demeanour changed as she took in the seriousness of what Therese was saying, “Are you still in contact with him?”

“I got a restraining order against him,” Therese admitted, “But I still can’t shake the feeling that he’s lurking somewhere close by. I feel like that all the time.”

Therese expected to see the predictable look of pity across Carol’s face, but there was only understanding and sympathy. 

“It’s horrid to feel constantly on edge. No one deserves to feel unsafe,” the blonde said. 

“I feel safe with you,” Therese confided quickly. 

Carol gave her a curious look, “Really? Well I’m flattered.”

“That can’t be much of a surprise to you,” Therese pointed out. 

Carol looked genuinely intrigued, “Why?”

“You’re easy to talk to.”

Carol brushed it off, “I have to be because of my work.”

“No,” Therese corrected her, “You have your work because of it. I think that’s just part of who you are.”

The other woman looked incredibly touched and Therese swelled with pride for having caused it. There was something about the blonde that made Therese want to come out of her shell, want to be seen. She had started to believe that maybe Carol needed this friendship as much as she did. It was a presumptuous assumption, but it seemed like the older woman was running away from something, escaping something. 

Therese conjured up her last nerve and took a big leap, “In your everyday life you are there for other people. To listen, to give advice. Do you have someone who does that for you?”

The blonde’s eyes widened and her lips parted slightly. Therese was sure that she had gone too far, had struck a nerve. Who did she think she was asking such a personal question? But Carol surprised her as Therese realized that she was seriously considering the question with intense thought. After a while she looked Therese directly in the eye, her gaze was so intense that Therese thought she might be blinded by the sheer force. 

“Yes, I think I do.”

\- - - - 

It was later that evening and Therese was back at her apartment, immersed in her art as usual. Spending the afternoon with Carol had further fuelled her creativity and there were several new pieces containing the blue and golden colour scheme she had explored previously. Therese loved painting and drawing as it was palpable and she felt she had more control over the work, however, she recently started experimenting in photography and she wanted nothing more than to take Carol’s picture. Nothing she could ever make would capture the woman’s likeness the same way a photograph would and Therese wanted to commit the blonde’s image to memory. 

With every interaction, Therese was growing increasingly attached and intrigued by Carol. She worried that soon she would be in over her head, but at the same time whatever this was she was experiencing felt important and timely. No matter the outcome, she had to see it through and knew she would deeply regret it if she backed off because of fear. Regardless of her anxiety and depression, she just wasn’t an idealistic or positive person. She was intensely practical to a fault, it was almost a coping mechanism or survival strategy she carried throughout her life. When it came to Carol, however, all of that went away. Therese could do nothing but hope and some small spiritual part of her knew that this was supposed to happen, that they were meant to meet. 

When Therese went to bed that night, still dressed in her art clothes and covered in paint, she realized how at peace her mind was. For once her thoughts were not occupied by her mental illness, there was something, someone bigger in her life to focus on. Lying there, Therese was certain that she was experiencing a tectonic shift in her life. Or that’s how it felt at least. The only thing that she could say confidently was that she was absolutely smitten with Carol.


	6. Adore

The visits with Therese quickly became regular ones, they would meet at least once or often a couple of times a week and do whatever together. Carol appreciated that neither woman had to stress about planning something to do, they were perfectly happy to go for a walk and chat or grab a coffee somewhere. The blonde figured that she would never be bored in Therese’s presence, the young woman was so interesting and insightful, always saying something that surprised Carol. Most importantly, however, she had become someone in Carol’s life that actually listened to her, who genuinely cared. She could tell that Therese genuinely wanted to get to know her for who she was and also had an innate understanding of her. It was extremely off putting at first, Carol had never experienced anything like this, but she supposed this was how great friendships were supposed to be. Sometimes you can’t explain it, it just happens like a freak of nature. This was what Carol kept on telling herself as she found herself growing incredibly fond of the young woman. Therese made her feel less lonely, she felt comfortable around her which was something that was hard for Carol to experience. 

Almost a month had passed since she met Therese and Carol believed her life had changed for the better. Things were great at work, she was seeing Therese consistently and she had noticed positive changes in her marriage. Genevieve and her were getting along better now, perhaps it was because Carol was in a great mood these days, but she didn’t want to overthink it. Everything in her life was in a good and balanced place for once and she was determined to keep it that way. 

“So…”

“So?”

“I have something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, it’s good I promise.” Carol cracked a smile at the worried expression on Therese’s face. 

The two women were sitting at the pier with a great view of Brooklyn across the water. It was a chilly spring day, but the sun was out and Therese’s rare smile was on show, so Carol was happy. She couldn’t help but sneak glances at Therese when the young woman wasn’t looking. There was something so pixie like about her, but she could tell that the brunette carried a lot of strength. When she smiled her dimples showed and her eyes brightened, but it seemed like it cost her to do so. There was a remoteness about her, a determination to remain unseen and invisible that Carol vaguely recognized in herself. She wondered if Therese knew how beautiful she truly was, she wanted her to know. 

“I’m holding an event at Juvenescence late next week. It’s sort of an open house for professionals in the public health sector and education directors and such. Everyone’s welcome to come and I would love it if you would consider making an appearance,” Carol said. 

Therese faltered, “You want me to come?”

Carol smiled, “Of course, you’re my friend.”

Therese returned the smile, but suddenly looked panicked, “There’s going to be a lot of people?”

Carol criticized herself for her inconsiderateness, “Yes. I’m so sorry I didn’t think. Are crowds a trigger for you?” she asked gently. 

“Sometimes. It depends. If I know someone there it’s a lot easier.”

“Well I’ll be there and my best friend Abby will be there too. I’ll introduce you.”

Therese deliberated, “Alright. I’ll come. I want to.”

Carol felt her heart soar, “I’m so glad.”

“Carol?”

“Hm?”

“Isn’t it… hard for you to be around me?”

Carol was not expecting that, “Of course not, what do you mean?”

Therese shifted uncomfortably, “I’m probably similar to a lot of the people you talk to. When we spend time together does it make you feel like you’re at work?”

Carol felt something inside her shatter. What had happened to Therese to make her feel this way? To make her think that the people in her life didn’t want to be there?

“Mental illness doesn’t define someone and the same goes for you Therese,” Carol said gently, “It doesn’t make you broken or incomplete, you’re a person like us all. Everyone deals with their demons in their own ways. Also for the record, no one is forcing me to be here. I like spending time with you.”  
Therese’s cheeks flushed a beautiful pink and she averted her eyes briefly before looking at Carol, “Thank you.”

\- - - - 

“How was work?” Genevieve asked while they were eating dinner later that day. 

Carol finished chewing, “Fine. It hardly feels like work most of the time, which I suppose means I’ve lucked out. We’re all getting ready for the event next week so everyone’s pretty excited.”

“Right, I’ve made sure to clear my schedule,” Genevieve winked at her from the other end of the table. “Anything else interesting?”

“Met a friend at the pier,” Carol said casually as she cut into her food. 

“Abby?”

“No.”

Genevieve feigned shock and Carol’s eyes widened, “Abby had the same reaction. Does everyone in my life think I’m a complete loner?” she remarked. 

Rich laughter erupted from her wife, “Of course not, baby.”

Carol was both amused and annoyed, “Then why the reaction?”

“It’s known to most that you’re a creature of habit. You like structure, routine.”

“Yes. That doesn’t mean I don’t also value having a social life.”

“I know, I know. Tell me about this new friend then.”

Carol hesitated, but knew that Genevieve was extremely skilled at reading her body language and didn’t want to give off any strange energy, “I met her at that cafe by Juvenescence. She’s an artist.”

“A well known one?”

“No. I think she keeps her work quite private.”

“What’s the point then?” Genevieve asked, rather bluntly. 

“What do you mean?”

“What’s the point of doing something if no one’s going to see it?”

Carol suddenly felt quite protective of Therese, “Why does someone have to see it?” 

“Isn’t that the main reason? For it to be seen?” Genevieve seemed genuinely baffled. 

“I don’t think so. I think artists make their work for themselves the majority of the time. If it has the ability to reach people or has a positive reception that’s just a plus.”

Her wife grinned, “Are you going all philosophical on me? Since when did you have such an interest in art?”

“I don’t know. I guess I always have.”

Genevieve dabbed at her mouth with her napkin, “Well I’m looking forward to meeting this new friend of yours.”

The other woman stood and picked up her plate. She made her way towards the kitchen with it and paused when she reached Carol at the other end of the table, 

“As long as she knows that I’m the main woman in your life,” she said before leaving a lingering kiss on Carol’s cheek. 

On the outside the comment could have been perceived as playful and lighthearted, but Carol knew her wife too well to take it as such. Carol stared at her plate as she heard Genevieve start to clean up in the kitchen. It was strange how the other woman had managed to strike a chord so deep without even knowing the full situation. Did she understand more than she let on? Was Carol in over her head with Therese? Carol already knew the answer, she didn’t have to ask herself that. Genevieve was most likely oblivious to the involvement of this new person in her life, however, her questions had forced Carol to pause and consider the situation herself. Why did she get so protective when it came to the young woman, what did she really mean to her? From the beginning, Carol had been so firm about labelling this as a friendship, but she would be lying to herself if she said there wasn’t something more. She cared deeply about Therese. No, she absolutely adored her. 

\- - - - 

It was later that night and Genevieve was fast asleep. Carol was sitting nearby underneath the window, reading. She liked the silence and knowing that she was one of the few awake at night. It gave her the space and the time to think, a secured moment of calm in her otherwise busy days. She looked over at her wife gracefully stretched out beneath the covers, dressed in a silk negligee. It may have been an inviting and tempting sight to some, but Carol didn’t crave constant company or attention like so many others did. If Genevieve could, she would be at Carol’s side most of the time. They would do everything together, put on a show for others to see. The physicality of the relationship was important to Carol as it was to most, however, she was intensely uncomfortable with being affectionate in public, which contrasted with her wife’s desires. She found that when they were out or at events, Genevieve made it a point to make sure others knew that she was taken. Some may have found this endearing or touching, but it made Carol feel like she was her wife’s property. She valued being her own person and recognized the importance of independence within a relationship and even a marriage. That was just something that the two women would never see eye to eye on. 

Carol was drawn out from her thoughts when her phone vibrated next to her. She glanced at the screen and smiled when she saw Therese’s name show up. She picked up the device and read the message that had just come through. 

“What should I wear?”

Ding! Another message popped up, “To the event I mean.”

Carol’s smile grew wider, if only the young woman knew how much she impacted her. 

“The dress code is semi formal, so don’t sweat it,” she sent back. 

Ding! “Haven’t you met me? I’m always as you say, sweating it.”

Carol tapped at her screen, “If you want to send me pictures of your choices I won’t object.”

She waited several moments and a couple photos came in. She tried to imagine the clothes on Therese. 

“I like the last one,” she wrote back. 

Ding! “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Goodnight Carol.”

Carol turned off her phone and then heard the rustling of covers.

“Come to bed,” a sleepy voice greeted her. 

She left her phone and book by the window then padded towards the bed and Genevieve. She slipped off the sweats she was wearing and got under the covers wearing just a cotton shirt and her underwear. An elegant hand reached out and wound itself around her waist. Carol relaxed into the hollow of her wife’s body and quickly fell asleep.


	7. Shaken

The nightmares were more present when Therese was a child, but she still had them from time to time. They would appear out of nowhere, sometimes she would have a long stretch of feeling quite good in regards to her mental health and the horrific images would just completely let her guard down and derail her progress. The dreams weren’t necessarily fictional, they didn’t contain any supernatural or strange elements. They consisted mostly of things that had happened to her, they deeply played on her insecurities and brought out the things she was most afraid of. What made them so debilitating and impactful was that they made Therese feel like that was how her life actually was. They distorted her reality completely and when she was experiencing them, it felt as though they would never end. 

She would often wake in a cold sweat crying, or screaming even. It would take her hours to calm herself down and she rarely would fall back asleep. The nightmares just made her more aware of the fact that she was alone. She had no one but herself. The following days she would often go about her routine as a zombie. It was emotionally exhausting and draining for her and it made her unable to see the world for what it was. They made her irritable and emotional, on the constant verge of snapping or erupting into tears. They made her feel like she would always be in the past, that she would never escape what had happened to her and that it was bound to happen again in some shape or form. 

Sometimes she’d see her own birth from an objective view and bear witness to the last moments her father was happy before he fell into his own pit of grief and despair. Sometimes she would be back at the foster homes again, getting yelled at and beaten, being forced to do chores while everyone else sat around or sent to bed with an empty stomach. Sometimes she’d be transported back to her grade school days where she would sit alone at recess or with the teacher in their classroom. Most often, however, the dreams consisted of Richard. She’d experienced a lot in her life, but in some ways that relationship was what haunted her most. Perhaps it was because Richard seemed kind at the beginning, the exception to the other horrible people she had met and encountered. For a while he had made her feel safe, sheltered, secure. Then all of that was ripped away from her. It was like he had been wearing a mask that had finally been removed and the ugly side of him came out. The experience had also played on an insecurity of hers that she was difficult to love and that no one truly would want to be with her. 

Tonight was one of those nights. One of those nightmares. Therese’s breathing increased as images of Richard flooded her mind. It was like he was actually there with her. She could hear his harsh tone and his venomous words. She could feel his breath and hands all over her. It was a nightmare, but it may have been real life. This was how her life had been for so very long. The screaming got so loud in her head that it startled her and woke her up. Therese immediately sat up in her bed and clutched at her heaving chest. Her ears were ringing and her skin clammy. She felt a hot pain inside her as the tears started to stream down her cheeks. She held her knees against her and rocked back and forth in her bed as a pitiful means to comfort herself. She didn’t know how long she sat there, but she certainly wasn’t feeling any better. Before she knew what she was doing she grabbed her phone and called Carol.

The line rang once, twice, three times then was picked up, “Therese?” Carol whispered.

Hearing Carol’s voice made Therese erupt into another wave of tears, “I’m sorry, I had no one else to call.”

The other woman seemed to register what was going on, “Give me your address. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“You don’t have to, it’s late I shouldn’t have disturbed you.”

“Therese,” Carol’s voice was gentle but firm, “Your address. Please.”

\- - - - 

Opening the door to see Carol twenty minutes later was both a relief and a burden. Therese knew if there was one person in this city, in this world that could help her or make her feel better, it would be Carol. This didn’t stop her from feeling incredibly guilty though about her selfishness. The amount of times Carol must have had to answer late night calls from high risk people and come to their rescue, Therese was unsure of but it must have been many. She didn’t want to worry the other woman or make her feel obligated in any way, but right now she really didn’t have a choice. 

Carol immediately entered her apartment then closed the door behind her. Therese didn’t have the energy to stand anymore and promptly collapsed onto her couch, her whole body shaking. Carol sat down next to her at a safe distance, her blue eyes searching.

“What happened Therese?” she asked quietly. 

At the moment Therese felt like she was winded, “I had a nightmare… about Richard,” she said through gasping breaths, “He was yelling and screaming and it wouldn’t stop.”

Any opportunity to feel self conscious was gone, Therese was blubbering like a child and she didn’t even care. All she wanted was for all of this to stop. For his face and voice to leave her mind, to leave her alone. 

“He’s not here Therese. He can’t hurt you,” Carol said, “I won’t let him, I promise.”

“Carol, I feel like I can’t see or hear anything right now.”

There was a pause, “Is it alright if I hold your hands?”

Therese wasn’t in the headspace to be momentarily confused, “Yes,” she consented. 

Suddenly a warmth spread over her as Carol’s hands covered her own. Therese’s hysteria paused for a moment as the only thing she could focus on was how soft Carol’s skin was, how reassuring the contact was. 

“Now every time I squeeze your hands I want you to inhale and when I stop I want you to exhale, okay?”

“Okay.”

Therese followed Carol’s instruction and they repeated the process several times. Not only was she able to control her breathing, but Carol’s touch was helping to ground and de stimulate her. Before she knew it, her shaking had stopped and she was breathing normally. She opened her eyes to see Carol looking directly at her. Their hands were still connected and Therese didn’t want to let go. 

“How do you feel?”

The question reminded Therese of the day they met, “Better. Not great, but better,” she said back.

Carol clearly remembered as a hint of a smile appeared on her lips, “Do you get nightmares often?”

“I haven’t had one in a while. When I was younger they happened almost nightly.”

Carol squeezed her hands again, “I’m glad you called me.”

“I’m glad you came,” Therese said gratefully, “Why did you ask if you could hold my hands?” she asked suddenly. 

“Because one should always ask,” Carol said plainly, “No one has the right to touch you whenever they please. Whether you’re in a relationship with them or not.”

The way in which Carol spoke, like it was a matter of fact, made Therese’s resolve crumble. She felt several more tears slip onto her cheeks, “Richard didn’t see it that way,” she muttered. 

Carol’s eyes widened slightly, but Therese could tell that the woman was trying her best to contain her emotions, “I didn’t realize. Is that why you got a restraining order?”

“Yes,” Therese felt the heat in Carol’s hands increase, “He was… abusive at the end of our relationship.”

A muscle in Carol’s jaw flexed as the woman swallowed slowly, “What a wretch,” she said in a low tone. 

Therese was taken aback at Carol’s passionate reaction, “Carol it’s okay…” she started to say.

“No it’s not,” Carol cut across her, “Therese, no one deserves to be treated that way. Any person who is lucky enough to have you needs to also respect you. They shouldn’t make you feel like this when they’re the one who did wrong.”

Therese knew intuitively that Carol’s behaviour said something more than what she was just presenting. Did she care about Therese more deeply than she had thought? Perhaps Therese’s feelings were not completely one sided. She’s married though, she reminded herself, it couldn’t be. 

“I guess sometimes I think everything I’ve experienced is because of choices I’ve made. That it’s my fault,” Therese admitted.

“It’s not your fault Therese,” Carol assured her.

“How do you know?”

“Because I do. I’ve known you for just a month now and while I don’t know everything about you or your entire life story, I know that you would never hurt someone. People tend to prey on those that they know won’t always fight back, but that’s not a sign of weakness. It shows how strong you are, to withstand it all and come out the other side.”

Therese exhaled deeply, “You always know what to say.”

Carol shook her head, “No, it’s just the truth.”

Therese gently removed her hands from Carol’s, “Were you sleeping when I called you?”

“No actually. I tend to stay up late.” 

“So your wife didn’t wonder where you were going?”

Carol stilled, “She was asleep, why?”

Therese took a deep breath, “Does she know about me?”

“She knows that there’s a certain young woman I’ve been spending some time with, yes,” Carol’s face was unreadable.

“And she doesn’t have a problem with it?”

Something flashed in the blonde’s eyes that Therese couldn’t decipher, “Why are you asking me this Therese?”

Therese chose her words carefully, “I guess I’m just confused about what I mean to you. I don’t really know where I stand.”

It was suddenly clear to Therese, Carol was scared. Of what, Therese wasn’t sure, but it was there and transparent across the woman’s beautiful features. 

“You mean a lot to me Therese, I really care about you,” Carol said. 

“I know.”

Carol continued, “If I’m honest, I’m really happy when we spend time together and there’s not much in my life that makes me feel that way. I have my work… but that’s about it.”

Therese noticed that Carol neglected, or chose not to include her wife among the things that made her happy. 

“Well I’m glad. I don’t mean to grill you, I’m just curious is all.”

“That’s okay, it feels nice to be challenged a bit,” Carol cocked her eyebrows in a playful way, but looked relieved that the conversation had moved on. She glanced at her watch and Therese realized how late it was. 

“You should go, it’s late.”

“Are you sure? I can stay if you think it will help.”

Yes! Therese wanted to scream, but she knew it was selfish to take advantage of Carol’s generosity. 

“You’ve already helped so much, I’m sure I’ll be able to get back to sleep now.”

Carol studied her face for a moment then seemed to relent, “Alright.”

When Carol had left Therese recounted what had just happened. Even then, Therese could still feel Carol’s warm hands in her own. She couldn’t believe that she had asked those questions about Carol’s wife so boldly. Therese didn’t know Carol’s wife, but she had a feeling the woman probably knew more about what was going on in Carol’s life than the blonde believed herself. Carol seemed to know what Therese was implying when she asked those questions. She skillfully avoided the intent of them as she had answered and Therese decided not to push any further. Both women knew what was going on between them, whether they wanted to admit it or not.


	8. Jealous

It was the night of the big event at Juvenescence and the festivities were already well underway. Carol had been there all day making sure everything was perfect and had only quickly gone home to get changed into something more appropriate. She felt put together and professional in her navy, pin striped suit which was a contrast to her usual uniform of jeans and button up shirts. She had allotted to have her hair down for once and Geneveive was beyond thrilled, Carol just hoped that her wife would be on her best behaviour tonight, especially with Therese also attending. Carol and the others who worked at the centre had set up stations in different rooms to showcase the different programs and workshops Juvenescence had to offer. People could move through the spaces and come and go as they please. She understood how stressful and overwhelming industry events often were and wanted to establish a relaxed environment so everyone could have a good time and still learn some new things about what they were doing there at the centre. She was proud of their work there and happy to put it on display for others to see. 

Over an hour into the event and Carol had finally found the time to take a breather. She had been busy overseeing things and answering questions and making introductions. She spotted Abby and made her way over to her friend, happy to see a more familiar face. 

“Hey you, this is really great what you’ve put together,” Abby said when she approached her, “And I never thought I would say that about an event without an open bar.”

“Well I’m deeply flattered Abby,” Carol grinned, “It did turn out rather well, huh?”

“It’s nice to see you in your element. You should be proud of what you’ve created here.”

Carol squeezed Abby’s arm, “Thank you.”

Abby moved closer, “When is your friend getting here?” she whispered. 

“Therese? Soon I suppose, she said she was coming.”

“I’m excited to meet her,” Abby said genuinely. 

“Me too, I think you’ll like her.”

“She likes you so we already have one thing in common. I think we’ll get along great.”

Carol took a hold of her friend’s arm again, “Would you mind steering her away from Genevieve when I’m not with her?”

“Genevieve’s jealous of Therese? Why am I not surprised?” Abby muttered. 

“They haven’t even met yet, I just have a gut feeling that Genevieve is going to try and eat her alive.”

“That’s not a gut feeling, that’s just a fact.”

Carol glanced around, obviously paranoid, “I feel bad, we shouldn’t be discussing this here.”

“And speak of the devil…” Abby nudged Carol, who turned around to see Genevieve walking towards them. 

“What are you two conspiring about over here?” Genevieve asked before kissing Carol’s cheek. 

Carol instantly felt suffocated and she knew that Abby could tell she was as well, “Oh nothing. Abby was complaining that there wasn’t an open bar.”

Genevieve laughed, “I agree with you on that.”

“That would be a first,” Abby said underneath her breath, Carol jabbed her with her elbow. 

“Have you been talking to anyone interesting?” Carol asked her wife. 

“Yes, it’s refreshing to see that not all of your coworkers are old men. That’s rare these days.”

“Well we are focusing on building relationships with youth and old men don’t always give off the impression we want,” Carol said causing Abby to laugh. 

“I’m surprised there’s not more people from the media or business industry here,” Genevieve mentioned casually. 

Carol gave her wife a look, “You know that’s not the kind of work we focus on here.”

Genevieve shrugged, “Wouldn’t hurt to give the centre more publicity.”

Carol opened her mouth, but Abby cut across, “I think the centre is doing just fine as shown by tonight.”

The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife, luckily the conversation quickly moved on. Genevieve and Abby launched into some small talk that Carol was half listening to, she kept on scanning the place for one green eyed brunette. She felt a pain in her chest as she started to worry that Therese wouldn’t come. Perhaps she had decided that the event was too much of a trigger for her anxiety, which Carol would wholeheartedly understand, however, she would be lying if she said she hadn’t been looking forward to seeing the young woman. They had spoken over texts and phone calls several times since Carol had gone over to Therese’s apartment, but the blonde found herself constantly thinking about the other woman. She was always excited to see her or hear from her and she especially wanted her to be here tonight, to celebrate with her. 

In that moment Carol got her wish as she saw the front doors open and Therese enter. She was wearing the black jumpsuit Carol had picked and her long dark hair was curled and fell in loose waves. She looked beautiful and Carol felt like she was finally able to breathe when she saw her. She politely excused herself from Genevieve and Abby and swiftly made her way across the space. 

“Therese,” she breathed when she reached the young woman, “I’m so glad you came.”

The brunette’s face lit up when she saw her, “I wouldn’t miss it. You look great.”

“So do you,” Carol felt heat flood to her cheeks, was she blushing? Get a grip Carol, she thought.

“Do I get the grand tour from the entrepreneur herself?” Therese asked with a sly smile. 

“Of course.”

Carol gladly took Therese around Juvenescence and showed her the ins and outs of the centre that she was so proud of. Therese unsurprisingly listened attentively and seemed genuinely interested and enthusiastic about Carol’s work. Carol was finally able to relax and talk freely about her passions without feeling judged or criticized for once. Therese had plenty of interesting questions for Carol and provided a unique perspective on the work they were doing there. They eventually found themselves alone in Carol’s office, away from the excitement and chatter. A secluded oasis for the two of them. 

“I understand that events like this can be challenging for you so I appreciate that you are here,” Carol said after a moment’s silence between them. 

Therese looked at her directly, her green eyes honest, “You make me feel safe Carol. I don’t feel afraid when I’m with you.”

Carol was taken aback by the women’s honesty, but was also extremely touched. In that moment all she wanted was to pull Therese into a never ending embrace. Therese was suddenly a knock at her door, however, and Abby shortly peeked her head through. 

“Genevieve is looking for you,” Abby said pointedly. 

Carol gave her friend a look, “Abby…”

“Please don’t make me entertain her any longer,” Abby pleaded, “There’s only so much small talk I can handle without a proper drink.”

Carol shook her head, “Fine. I’ll go find her.”

Abby glanced back in the hallway, “Looks like she’s coming this way so you won’t have to go very far. Hi Therese, it’s nice to meet you,” she added. 

“You too,” Therese said. 

Abby gestured with her hand, “I think I’m going to head out. Call me tomorrow, I expect a full report,” the woman said, looking at Carol. 

Just when Abby disappeared, Genevieve came through the door and into Carol’s office. There was a silent moment where her dark eyes narrowed as she took in Therese from head to toe. Carol tried her best to act normal despite her hammering heart, but all she could think about was how Therese was feeling in all of this. They were practically cornered in the room by Carol’s wife, not an ideal situation. 

Carol cleared her throat, “Therese this is Genevieve Cantrell…”

“-Also known as her wife,” Genevieve said in a smooth voice as she stood beside Carol and slid a hand around her waist. 

The blonde was instantly embarrassed and on edge. She knew how jealous and possessive Genevieve could get and the woman would no doubt pull out all the stops in effort to try and scare Therese away. She wouldn’t blame the young woman for feeling intimidated or uncomfortable, but it seemed that Therese was up for the challenge. She looked more curious and confused in general, clearly seeing through Genevieve’s performative antics. 

“Therese Belivet,” she introduced herself. 

Genevieve’s eyebrows narrowed slightly, “What a funny name, where is from?”

“It’s Czech originally…”

“How original.”

Carol interjected, “Therese is an artist.”

“Oh? What kind?” Genevieve asked. 

Therese took a deep breath, “I’m focused on painting and photography right now, but I do ceramics and embroidery as well.”

“How cute. Well you should definitely come over for dinner at ours sometime. I would love to get to know Carol’s new friend,” Genevieve gushed. 

“Gen-” Carol said under breath.

“-I would love that,” Therese said quickly. 

Carol watched the two women exchange a rather even and serious look. She felt a squeeze at her waist as her wife held onto her tighter. 

\- - - - 

Carol and Genevieve were back at their apartment about an hour later. Therese had left shortly after the awkward interaction between the three of them and Carol had spent the rest of the event tending to other guests and avoiding her wife as much as possible. She was ashamed of how she had acted with Therese and not in the mood to entertain her immaturity. It had been a quiet trip back home that was full of tension and unanswered questions. Carol headed into their bedroom taking off her shoes and jewelry along the way. The footsteps that followed behind her let her know that Genevieve was close by. Carol knew that they had to talk about what happened, there was no use avoiding it. 

Carol’s back was to her wife and she took a deep breath before saying, “Now was your behaviour tonight really necessary-”

She was unable to finish because in a matter of seconds Genevieve had launched herself at her and pushed her down onto their bed. Before Carol was able to react, her wife’s lips had claimed hers and her clothing was being removed at a rapid pace. Carol immediately thought about her conversation with Therese the other night. No one has the right to touch you whenever they please. The words echoed in her head as she tried to fully process what was happening. 

She pulled herself away from Genevieve and sat up on her elbows, “What are you doing?”

Genevieve grinned, “What do you think I’m doing?” her hand wound itself into Carol’s hair. 

Carol grabbed her wrist, “I wanted to talk about tonight. About your little performance in particular.”

Genevieve leaned forward and whispered hotly in her ear, “Did you like that? Me being jealous?”

Carol couldn’t believe what she was hearing, Genevieve was delusional to the situation, “It was completely inappropriate and unwarranted. Therese is a friend, you didn’t have to make her uncomfortable like that.”

The other woman was clearly amused by Carol’s reaction, “A friend who clearly has a crush on you. She’s like a schoolgirl, all big eyes and pink cheeks. It’s cute, but I wanted to mark my territory.”

“Your territory?!”

Genevieve pouted, “Oh come on baby, don’t look at me like that.”

“I don’t like you talking about me like that.”

“There’s no need to be so serious.”

“Easy for you to say, everything’s a game to you Gen!”

“No, it’s not.”

“We’ve been married for this long, the least you can do is not lie to me.”

Genevieve huffed, “Fine! I was jealous! Are you happy?”

“No, not really,” Carol rolled off the bed and walked towards the bathroom. She slammed the door shut behind her.


	9. Overwhelmed

“I’m so impressed!”

“I’m not saying they’re any good, but I figured it would be a waste not to put the materials to good use.”

“Will you let me see them?”

“No, absolutely not Therese.”

“Come on, Carol. What are you afraid of?”

“Being laughed at by an artist who actually knows what they’re doing?”

“Everyone has to start somewhere.” 

“I suppose so, but I bet your beginnings were much more advanced than mine are. I’ve been struggling with not smudging everything I’ve drawn!” 

Therese smiled as she walked around her apartment, her phone pressed to her ear. She was delighted to know that Carol had started to dabble in sketching and found it endearing that the woman was so embarrassed to show her the creations. Therese had worked her regular shift today as per usual and Carol had called her when she came home, which had become a normal occurrence for them on days that they didn’t see each other. 

“You’ll get the hang of it, it just takes practice. I promise,” she assured the blonde. 

“We’ll see. All in all it’s just something fun for me to do. I find it quite relaxing.”

“Oh by the way, what time should I come over tomorrow?” Therese asked. 

“Therese… you know you don’t have to take up Genevieve on her offer right? I wouldn’t blame you at all,” Carol said hesitantly. 

Therese sighed, “She did invite me Carol. Wouldn’t it be rude not to accept?”

“You could say you have work,” Carol suggested. 

“Most art stores aren’t open at night. Carol do you not want me to come?”

There was a brief pause, “Of course I do. I just thought you wouldn’t given your last interaction with her.”

“She’s your wife, I’d like to get along with her. It’s just going to be awkward if we avoid each other.”

“Yes, I suppose your right.”

Therese smiled into her phone again, “It will be fine Carol. I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about. Don’t tell her I said that,” Carol added which made Therese laugh. 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, seven sharp.”

The line goes dead and Therese casually throws her phone on the couch. She didn’t think Carol’s worry was unwarranted, but she wanted to remain positive about tomorrow’s dinner and about Genevieve in general. The first impression the woman left on Therese wasn’t the best one. She had seemed unfriendly, jealous and possessive. Therese still remembered the look on Carol’s face when the other woman had clung to her side and forced intimate contact upon her. It was the only time Therese had ever seen Carol nervous, not that she thought the woman to be invincible, but Carol always had a sense of calm about her. Seeing her so disarmed prevented Therese from going into a full out spiral as she might have under different circumstances. For some reason Therese’s anxiety disappeared the moment she saw how uncomfortable Carol was, the feeling replaced by a desire to protect. 

She would be lying if she said she wasn’t intimidated by Carol’s wife, however. Genevieve Cantrell was everything Therese wanted to be in a sense, and the person she would never be. She was confident, assertive and extroverted. Not to mention her looks, it was people like Genevieve that made Therese second guess whether she was of the same species, whether she was actually a female. The two women no doubt made a striking couple, but Genevieve was cold like ice while Carol was all sunshine and warmth. They contrasted each other so drastically in a manner that worked, but that also caused one to wonder whether they were in fact, too different. 

Therese questioned whether accepting Genevieve’s offer for dinner was a fool’s errand. It seemed like the perfect situation to trap Therese, to humiliate her on the woman’s part. It had the potential to go horrendously wrong, but Therese was determined to make it work. She knew that Genevieve was a big part of her life and no doubt curious about who had been taking up so much of Carol’s time recently. This introduction was inevitable and there was no point in Therese avoiding the woman from now on. 

\- - - - 

Therese had a process that she went through the days leading up to a social event. Sometimes it was better when she made plans not too early in advance as it didn’t allow her as much time to overthink and worry. But also she was the least spontaneous person ever, she needed time to prepare herself before being social or in a public, crowded place. She would always try to mentally anticipate how the event would go, or what kind of conversations would be had. It helped calm her anxiety in a way, but also made it worse. Sometimes when she planned too much it made the event more difficult if it didn’t go how she expected. Or she found she was already mentally and emotionally exhausted before she had even gone. She hated being in this mindset, as she found once she got there she was fine, but the days and moments leading up to it were always torture. 

That was how she felt now, heading to Genevieve and Carol’s place. When Carol had given her the address she had done a bit of reconnaissance and looked up the area in which the couple lived. Was she surprised that the two women lived in the Upper East Side of Manhattan? No. Did that information make her intensely more nervous? Yes. Therese flamed with embarrassment as she wondered what Carol must have thought when she visited Therese’s tiny box apartment. She had spent the next hours trying to find something to wear that was reasonably appropriate for such a luxurious and opulent district in the city. She eventually accepted that she would never live up to Genevieve’s standard of glamour and fashion. She had settled on a dark green dress with a high neck and long sleeves. It fell just past her knees and she had on a pair of nylons and some plain heeled boots that she hoped made her look older. 

When she got to the right building she had to check in with the front desk who gave her access to an elevator separated from the others in the lobby. She walked inside and pressed the only button that was there, to the penthouse. It was the longest elevator ride of Therese’s life, and the massive bouquet she had bought was growing heavy in her arms. Therese could hear her heart hammering when she was only a few floors away from her destination. Ding! She had arrived, and the elevator doors opened right into the immaculate penthouse. A couple weeks ago Therese may have caved to her anxiety under the sheer overwhelming nature of the situation and her surroundings, but the difference was she wasn’t alone. Carol stood right across from her. 

“Right on time,” the blonde said, greeting her with a smile. 

Therese felt more relaxed seeing the woman as well as taking in her choice of dress tonight, which was for the most part, what she usually wore. Then Genevieve came into view and Therese felt the confidence and optimism she had spent so long building up, crumble in a matter of seconds. There was something even more intimidating and terrifying about seeing the woman in her own environment, her own territory. Therese felt like she had a disadvantage already, being the guest. Genevieve had a fixated look in her eye, like a predator stalking its prey, waiting to go in for the kill. 

Therese held out the bouquet, “These are for you. Well both of you.”

Carol took them from her and leaned down to smell them, “They’re beautiful. I’ll go find a vase. Come in, make yourself comfortable.”

Therese was unsure whether or not she should take off her shoes and hovered awkwardly in the foyer. Genevieve looked at her with an amused expression and Therese decided there and removed her boots. 

“What a darling dress, where did you get that from?” Genevieve asked with a syrupy voice. 

Therese glanced down momentarily, but remembered that she wanted to maintain strong eye contact, “Oh I’m not sure. I thrift most of my clothes.”

She could have sworn she saw the other woman wrinkle her nose slightly, “I suppose vintage is on trend these days.”

Therese heard Carol speak from around the corner, “Leave Therese alone Gen. Not everyone has the same penchant for shopping and fashion like you do,” she said in a light manner. 

“That is true,” Genevieve conceded, “I’ve been trying to get Carol to let me dress her for years,” she said to Therese as an aside. 

“And you’re going to be trying for a while!” Carol called, making Therese smile. 

The two women walked further into the penthouse and joined Carol in the kitchen. Genevieve pulled out two glasses and a bottle of bourbon. 

“Can I get you a drink Therese?”

“Oh just water would be fine, I don’t really drink.”

Genevieve deadpanned her, “Are you not legal yet?”

“Gen!” Carol chided her wife. 

“I am,” Therese said cooly, “I just don’t like how it makes me feel… mentally.”

Genevieve shrugged, “Suit yourself,” she poured a glass for her and Carol. 

Carol had finished arranging the flowers in a vase and placed them in the middle of the kitchen island. She wiped her hands off on a kitchen towel.

“Dinner should be ready soon, shall we all sit?”

The three women sat down in the exquisite living room that was about three times the size of Therese’s entire apartment. Therese sat in one of the armchairs while the couple fell into their love seat. Genevieve passed Carol her drink and Therese felt a nauseating feeling in her stomach when she saw the woman drape her arm over Carol’s legs, rather possessively. Therese tried to meet Carol’s eyes, but the blonde averted them as she took a sip of her drink, cheeks slightly flushing. 

“Did you grow up in New York, Therese?” Genevieve asked. 

“Yes, but in Syracuse. I moved to the city for college.”

“That’s a decent commute for your family. Or do they live here now too?”

Therese looked at her hands, “I haven’t been in contact with my father since I was eight.”

“That’s unfortunate. How about your mother?”

Carol covered Genevieve’s hand with her own, “Gen.”

“It’s fine Carol,” Therese reassured her, “She passed away while she was giving birth to me.”

Genevieve actually looked sympathetic and slightly uncomfortable for once, but something told Therese that the other woman already knew this information. She wanted to push Therese down and establish a clear difference between the two of them. They were from completely different worlds and Therese did not fit in this one. 

\- - - -

“How did you two meet?” Therese asked when they had finally sat down to dinner. 

So far the conversation had solely centered around herself at Genevieve’s insistence and she was desperate to get a break from answering such personal and direct questions. The woman seemed determined to make her uncomfortable, to push her to her tipping point and Therese wasn’t yet willing to back down. It must have been slightly embarrassing for Carol, who practically sat there as a spectator, watching the sport without a definite team to root for. She was the moderator instead, dishing out cards to each woman at regular intervals, too intimidated to intrude. 

“By accident,” Carol said with a small smile, “It was at a bar.”

“It sounds tacky when you put it like that baby,” Genevieve said, “For the record it was a very classy bar.”

“We had a couple mutual friends,” Carol explained, “They introduced us.”

The other blonde shook her head, “No. I introduced myself, don’t you remember? My friends were annoyed because I practically ditched them to spend the rest of the night with you.”

“Right, under different circumstances I would have thought that you were a bit of a stalker,” Carol laughed. 

Genevieve looked at Therese, “And then it took a year to convince her to marry me.”

Carol rolled her eyes playfully, “A year is a very reasonable amount of time, I will say.”

Genevieve leaned over and brushed some hair out of Carol’s face, “If it had been up to me we would have been married after a month.”

“And that specifically is why I made you wait.”

“Are you seeing anyone Therese?” Genevieve asked. 

The question was casual and innocent enough, but Therese knew better than to take it as so. Genevieve’s eyes burned into hers and a slightly malicious smile spread across her lips. She had thrown out bait and was expecting her to take it. The woman wanted to hear that she was unavailable to reassure herself and her jealousy. 

“No, I’m not,” she said flatly. 

“Really? That’s hard to believe, a pretty young thing like you being single and living in a big city,” Genevieve mused with a slightly condescending tone. 

Therese saw Carol’s mouth form into a hard line, her brow narrow. She suddenly then felt her pulse quicken. She clutched the napkin in her lap as a desperate attempt to calm herself. An all too familiar feeling washed over her, her anxiety was building. She was about to lose any sense of control and calm she had previously. 

“I had a boyfriend. We broke up about a year ago,” Therese replied. 

“There’s no one who has caught your eye during that time?”

Therese knew that her face was probably completely flushed. She couldn’t help it. A warmth had spread throughout her and it was only time before she broke out into a sweat. Her thoughts started to race. 

“Is there someone?” Genevieve pressed.

“Gen, that’s enough,” Carol said quietly. 

“It’s just a question Carol, calm down.”

“You’re clearly making her uncomfortable.”

“She can handle it. She’s not a child.”

“That’s funny because you’re treating her like one,” Carol’s words were clear. 

Therese began to shake, beginning with her hands. She bit her lip fiercely when it started to wobble. She tried to focus her vision and concentrate on one thing, but she had become dizzy. She closed her eyes briefly. 

“I should go,” she said abruptly. 

Genevieve looked satisfied, Carol extremely concerned. 

“We haven’t even finished dinner yet,” the blonde protested. 

Therese used the remaining strength she had to stand up, “It was wonderful, thank you. I just need to go.”

Therese hurried over to the foyer and clumsily put her shoes on. She hadn’t realized that Carol had followed her until a soft hand made contact with her elbow. Therese turned to face her. 

“Therese are you alright?” Carol’s blue eyes were full of worry. 

Therese could feel hot tears building in her eyes. She looked behind Carol and saw Genevieve standing there, giving her the strongest look ever. A warning. 

“Carol I need to go, I’m sorry. I just can’t do this.” 

She pressed the button to call the elevator and got in. The last thing she saw was a flash of blonde hair before the tears started flooding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question for you all: Do you like when a whole chapter is from one perspective or do you prefer when it switches within?


	10. Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get heated between Genevieve and Carol

Carol watched as Therese disappeared behind the gold plated doors of the elevator. She had looked almost the same as she did the day that they met, terrified and small. Carol felt her heart ache as she realized she had partially brought this on. She shouldn’t have let Therese come over tonight, but who was she to dominate the woman’s decisions? Therese came of her own accord with the knowledge of what might happen, but this still didn’t do anything to comfort Carol any further. She was disappointed in herself, worried for Therese and beyond frustrated with Genevieve. No, she was furious with Genevieve. 

“I think it's hypocritical of you to tell me not to lie when it’s clear that you’re the one keeping secrets,” Genevieve said behind her. 

Carol turned around, “What are you talking about?”

Her wife looked just as furious as Carol felt on the inside. Had Carol missed something? Did Genevieve have a leg to stand on considering her behaviour tonight? 

Genevieve laughed, but it was a bitter and short sound, “I knew that Therese had feelings for you, that much was clear. I didn’t know, however, that those feelings were reciprocated.” 

Carol was incredulous, “What?!”

Genevieve pinched the bridge of her nose, “I’m so stupid. All the signs were there. You’ve been cheating on me Carol.”

Carol moved closer to her wife, “I have not, what a ridiculous accusation.”

Genevieve threw her hands up, “Do you hear yourself right now? You’re in complete denial!”

“Therese is a friend,” Carol said, almost to herself. 

“Well tonight it seemed like she was your wife, not me.”

“You were the one attacking her! I was just making sure she was alright.”

“I wasn’t attacking her, stop being so dramatic,” Genevieve said, “I was trying to get her to confess your feelings for you.”

“Do you think she would have actually confided in you about that? You sent her into a panic attack!”

“You’re making this all about me. This is about you Carol.”

“What do you want me to say?!”

“I want you to tell me the truth for once!”

“I am!”

“Jesus Christ, we sound like teenagers. I would have never pegged you to be the dishonest one,” Genevieve said through burning eyes. 

“When did this become about my character?” 

“When you started sneaking around! Being evasive about where you’re going, who you’re seeing. I’m not completely oblivious. You leave our bed regularly to go make calls, send text messages. I didn’t think anything of it in the moment, because you’re you. You would never harm a fly, so this is so out of character.”

Carol knew that Genevieve was right about everything she had said. Her wife had read her like a book and Carol was behaving immaturely and unfairly. She didn’t like being put on the spot, being targeted in such a way that made her face her actions and insecurities head on. By admitting vocally what was going on inside her and with Therese, Carol was confirming it all. She wanted to stay within her bubble of ignorance and obliviousness for as long as she could. 

“You just don’t like not being the center of my attention,” she said. 

“I’m your wife Carol. I love you, I’m in love with you, so yes this is a concern of mine. I don’t think my reaction is unwarranted.”

Carol looked at Genevieve directly, “Do you love me? Or do you like being in control of me?”

Genevieve’s eyes widened, “Has all of this been brewing inside your head? Why haven’t you talked to me about it?”

Carol faltered, “I don’t know.”

“You’re a good listener and very understanding, but you need to start taking the advice you give and implement it in your own life.”

“I could say the same about you.”

Genevieve shook her head and sat down again at the dining table. 

“What can I say Carol? It’s like everything I do is wrong no matter what, you villainize me constantly.”

Carol was taken aback. It surprised her, seeing Genevieve so defeated like this. In their past arguments it was typical for her to get fired up and angry while Carol got melancholic and more sad. This change in behaviour was off putting for her, Genevieve may be mad, but above all she was hurt. 

Carol sat down next to her wife and looked at her hands. There was no point denying it anymore. Genevieve had made a point to say the things that Carol was too afraid to. The things she had suppressed for so long. 

“I do have feelings for Therese, you were absolutely right when you said that. It didn’t start out that way though, we were just friends. It feels like we’re still just friends.”

“You haven’t talked about it with her at all?”

“No.”

Genevieve swallowed, “And you haven’t… kissed? Had sex?”

“No. Nothing has ever gotten physical.”

“But you want to,” Genevieve suggested. 

Carol paused, her hesitation was enough to reveal how she was thinking. She could tell that Genevieve was trying to contain herself, was trying to be calm and open minded for once. 

“Are you in love with her?”

There was a deafening silence between them. 

“Be honest,” Genevieve added. 

“I think it’s headed in that direction, yes.”

The muscles in Genevieve’s neck flexed and tightened, “I see.”

Seeing her wife’s reaction made Carol feel immensely guilty as the weight of her actions settled in. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t think it would get to this point.”

“Just because it wasn’t your intention doesn’t mean your responsibility is erased. You have to take ownership,” Genevieve said flatly, “Do you even want to stay in this marriage? Is this over?”

Carol hadn’t considered this and the weight of Genevieve’s question hit her. Why was she staying if she was so often unhappy? What were the positives and negatives? Despite the hardship she had so much history with Genevieve. Eight years. Could she really walk away from all of that? Did she even want to? How certain and solid were her feelings about Therese, did the young woman even want to explore a relationship with her? Carol had so many questions, everything was unclear. 

Looking at Genevieve now she saw many things. Sure they had their struggles just like any married couple, but was there truly nothing left in the relationship for Carol? Was she no longer in love with the woman? By leaving her would she just be abandoning something good because of her unwillingness to make it work? Tonight Genevieve had shown her a side of herself that Carol hadn’t yet seen, she was more perceptive and intuitive than Carol believed. She also expressed that she had not wavered. She loved Carol, was in love with Carol. And perhaps that security and safety was what Carol needed most. As independent as she was she wanted to be desired, to be loved. Her profession didn’t subsequently mean that she had her life together, or had great mental health, she was just as lost and lonely as everyone else in the world. 

Carol moved closer and grabbed Genevieve’s hand, “I don’t want to end this. Us.”

Genevieve looked relieved, she squeezed Carol’s hand, “You know this isn’t going to work if you keep on seeing Therese.”

Typically Carol would have been turned off at the mention of an ultimatum, but these were different circumstances, “I know.”

“We need to communicate better,” Genevieve pleaded, “I don’t want to be in a relationship or marriage with someone who doesn’t want to be there. I want to be your wife, not your jailer.”

“Yes of course, I agree.”

“Alright. Shall we clean up?” Genevieve said looking at their half eaten dinner, “Or are you still hungry?”

Carol was no longer hungry but there was a void inside her that needed to be filled. She felt desperate to cling onto something, have something tangible to latch onto. She was vulnerable after feeling so exposed tonight and wanted to occupy her mind and body with something else. Or someone else. It was intensely selfish and Carol knew deep down that her motives weren’t in the right place, but this didn’t stop herself from launching herself into her wife’s arms and desperately pressing her lips against hers. 

For once, Genevieve didn’t react instantly. She didn’t move at all and Carol wondered whether she picked up on where her mind was at, what need she was trying to have fulfilled. If the woman did, she didn’t make it known as Carol soon found her wife, eagerly reciprocating the intimate contact. Carol properly climbed onto Genevieve’s lap and slipped her hands into the woman’s hair, tugging slightly. Genevieve’s breath was warm and her tongue was hot as it caressed the cavern of Carol’s mouth. During those first moments Carol could tell that Genevieve had tried to be gentle, tender even, but gentleness was never her wife’s strong suit. 

Soon enough, Carol found her front being pressed up against one of their bedroom walls. Genevieve’s teeth scraped at her neck while her hands made their way down Carol’s body, removing her clothing. Carol was naked before she knew it and was instantly made aware of the wetness slipping down her inner thigh. She moved her hand behind to try and make contact with Genevieve or attain some kind of friction, but the woman pinned her arms above her head in a fierce hold. The other woman found the place between Carol’s neck and shoulder and started to leave bruising kisses that Carol felt directly in her core. 

Carol squirmed in her position, desperate for a release, “Gen, stop teasing.”

“I’m only getting started, baby.”

Genevieve’s free hand moved to Carol’s front and started to massage her breasts. Carol groaned at the contact, but it wasn’t what she was seeking. 

“Gen,” she said again. 

“What is it Carol?” Genevieve purred, “Are you wet?” she asked through her teeth as her hand moved from Carol’s breasts down between her legs. 

Carol’s whole body shook when she felt her wife’s fingers brush across her sex, “Fuck!”

Genevieve’s hand continued to roam, not making any direct contact, “How much do you want it?”

Carol was trembling, “Gen… please.”

“Please what?”

“Jesus Christ, just fuck me!”

“Oh, I like it when you’re needy,” Genevieve said as she slipped two fingers into Carol, who then let out a loud cry.

Genevieve sucked on the skin behind Carol’s ear as she started to move her hand in and out of her. Carol was so aroused that the movements inside her felt like silk rubbing against itself. 

“Faster,” she pleaded after some time. 

“You really want it, don’t you?” Genevieve slipped in a third finger and sped up her pace. 

Her wife released her hands so she could hold her hips and Carol braced herself against the wall. 

“You feel amazing,” Genevieve said in a breathless voice, “You’re not going to be able to walk after I’m done with you.”

And Carol didn’t care, she was in a complete frenzy, at the height of her lust and arousal. All that mattered to her was her impending release. She needed to feel something larger than herself and larger than the overwhelming emotions and feelings from that night. 

When she climaxed, it was explosive and fast spreading throughout her whole body. Most of her legs were slick with a combination of her wetness and perspiration and felt soft and jelly like. When she gathered the strength she turned around and pulled her wife into another fierce kiss. They moved backwards and tumbled into their bed, with Carol on top. Carol moved upwards to cover the length of Genevieve’s body with her own, breasts against breasts, legs entwined. She pressed a thigh between Genevieve’s leg which was immediately covered by the woman’s arousal. Before Carol was able to react, Genevieve flipped them over. An elegant hand moved up to caress her neck as Carol looked up at her wife. 

“Do you always have to be in control?”

Genevieve smirked and tightened her hold slightly around Carol’s neck, “You like it, don’t deny it.”

“I wasn’t.”

Genevieve leaned down and continued her ministrations on Carol’s body, eventually bringing her to another mind blowing climax. The entire time during it, Carol’s mind was elsewhere. While what Carol had said to Genevieve previously had been true, she was still distraught about what had happened with Therese, and her relationship with the young woman in general. Genevieve was right, if their marriage was to work successfully she would have to give Therese up. Continuing a so-called friendship with her would only result in heightened feelings and attachment seeing where they were headed. She had chosen her marriage tonight and all that came with that, however, that didn’t mean the choice wasn’t going to continue to haunt her for nights and weeks to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carol is getting VERY messy...


	11. Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love on the last chapter, I'm so glad that so many of you are enjoying this story! :)

It had been a month since Therese had heard from Carol and she quickly found herself slipping back into old tendencies, her mental illness becoming all consuming once again. While she hadn’t necessarily been cured over these three months that Therese had known Carol, she had definitely felt better, more relaxed and safe, more herself again. Now it felt like she was a shadow, slowly wilting away. When the first week passed since the dinner with no contact from Carol, Therese had tried her best not to worry, not to overthink. Carol was a busy woman, she had a whole operation to oversee and took pride in her work. Therese also knew, however, that Carol was incredibly considerate and sensitive towards others. She understood Therese and knew that she suffered with anxiety and being trapped within her head. She so often chose to reassure Therese and encourage her of her own accord, it never felt like the attention was coming out of obligation or pity. The radio silence that soon stretched over weeks then seemed to be deliberate. Carol didn’t want to speak to Therese and was making no effort to entertain contact with her. Thinking about it now made Therese’s chest constrict and her eyes sting. Carol, the woman that she had been so honest with, that she had trusted implicitly, no longer wanted anything to do with her. Or that was how it seemed at least. Therese questioned what she did to turn the woman away and was constantly confronted by her largest fear, that she as a person was off putting, that no one as beautiful and kind as Carol Ross would actually want to be her friend. 

It was late afternoon one day when Therese came home to her apartment after work. Her sense of loneliness hit her like an oncoming train then, the feeling embodied in her entire being. The world had gone back to being colourless and dull. There was no more excitement or spontaneity in her life without Carol. She was back to floating, just barely existing within the monotonous routine that her life had become. She had no motivation to create, to experiment with her art. The materials and tools sat untouched, dust slowly collecting on them. She’d had to cover up the work inspired by Carol as it confronted her on the daily and gave her nightmares. Now there was no remaining trace of the woman in her life, like she had never been there or they’d never met at all. There were some times when Therese wished that she could do it all over again. To spend that time with Carol and hear her talk, see her smile. There were some times that Therese was afraid that the woman’s face would disappear from her mind. There were some times that Therese’s heart ached as she realized she might never hear the woman’s glorious laugh again. As much as Therese wanted to not think about the blonde and attempt to move on, the woman was constantly occupying her thoughts. She had left an everlasting imprint on Therese and disappeared into thin air. 

When Therese had answered her phone to be greeted by Abby Gerhard on the other line, she wasn’t sure whether to feel hope or dread. She knew that the woman was Carol’s oldest and closest friend and that they were no doubt in close communication. Had Carol enlisted Abby to send Therese a message? Countless scenarios and possibilities were running through Therese’s head so she was completely taken aback when Abby asked if they could meet up for a coffee. When Therese arrived at the chosen spot, she was a fit of nerves. The only time she left her apartment now was to go to work, her anxiety around public places and crowds had grown immensely over this time. She was determined to see the woman, however, and discover what was in store for her. She spotted Abby immediately when she entered the cafe, despite having only encountered her once. The woman was no doubt striking in her own accord with her contagious smile and mischievous eyes. Her face had an interesting nature to it in the way that it was simultaneously serious and joyful. 

“Therese,” Abby greeted her, “I’m glad you came.”

Therese sat down and immediately shoved her hands in her lap, gripping onto the hem of her sweater. She hated to look so insecure and self contained, but she didn’t have the time to be self critical. She came here for answers, for clarity. 

“I was surprised to hear from you,” she admitted. 

“Carol didn’t tell me to contact you. I hope you know that,” Abby assured her. 

Therese paused, “Then why did you?”

Abby sat back in her chair, “Because I wanted to. I thought you might need a friend right now.”

“So you do know what has happened?”

Abby bowed her head, “Of course.”

“And that’s all you’re going to say?”

“I don’t really think it's my place to inform you of what Carol is going through. But I can tell you this, she doesn’t look much better than you right now.”

That was hard for Therese to believe. Carol was struggling? 

“Is that hard for you to believe?” Abby asked, echoing her own thoughts. 

Therese swallowed, “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s Carol.”

Abby’s eyebrows narrowed slightly, “It’s an old saying, but people aren’t automatically happy just because their lives look perfect.”

“Carol isn’t happy?”

Abby shook her head. 

“Why?”

Abby gave her an even look which caused Therese to shake her own head. 

“It can’t be because of me. She’s the one who stopped the communication.”

Abby leaned forward, “Have you thought about why that was?”

“I assumed it was because of me. She wants nothing to do with me anymore,” Therese said quietly. 

“Why do you have such a poor opinion of yourself?”

“Because there’s not many people in my life to tell me otherwise.”

“She likes you Therese. She really cares about you,” Abby said plainly. 

“Then why haven’t I heard from her in a month?”

“Her life is complicated. Just like everyone’s. I’m not saying I approve of her choices, but hey, she’s a grown woman.”

“Is this because of Genevieve?” Therese asked.

Abby was silent, she suddenly looked uncomfortable or annoyed, Therese couldn’t quite tell. 

“It is,” Therese said. 

Abby took a sip of her drink, “Between you and me I wasn’t a fan of the dame from the beginning.”

Therese scoffed, “No. She doesn’t leave the best first impression.”

“But she loves Carol,” Abby said, “She really loves her and she’s not going to give her up easily.”

“I just don’t understand.”

“Don’t understand what?”

“Why they ended up together. They’re so different.”

“Well they do say opposites attract.”

“I suppose. It’s just that, whenever Carol’s with her she looks… trapped.”

Abby took a deep breath, “As I said before, I’m not a fan.”

A silence fell between them, “Do you think I should wait for her?” Therese eventually asked. 

“Do you want to?”

Therese registered the question and deliberated internally, “I just don’t know if I have reason to. If there is even a chance of anything happening.”

“I guess that’s something you have to decide for yourself. If it’s all worth it or not. If Carol is what you really want.”

\- - - - 

Therese was walking back to her apartment after her meeting with Abby. The woman had given her a lot to think about and seemed to understand where Therese’s head was at, and understood that she had feelings for Carol that she was unable to express. She had accepted these things about Therese without judgement, without criticism. Therese secretly wondered whether Abby believed she was better for Carol than Genevieve was, but she didn’t want to get ahead of herself. In what universe would that be the case? People like Genevieve would always have the upper hand, would always get whatever or whoever they wanted. And people like Therese would continue to get hurt, always. 

Therese hadn’t meant to walk past Juvenescence on her route home, but perhaps her thoughts of Carol had led here there subconsciously. It was strange how the exterior of a building was able to evoke such emotion in her. It was like she was seeing Carol without actually seeing her, if that made sense. Therese stopped in front of the establishment and took a moment to breathe. She wasn’t sure why she was reacting this way, it wasn’t like her and Carol had actually been dating. But why did it feel like she was suffering through a tremendous break up? She had experienced a huge emotional blow that had taken so much energy, emotionally and mentally, out of her. She was scared that she had been completely in over her head the entire time, that she had blown the situation out of proportion and had misread Carol’s intentions and behaviour towards her. But there had been something between them, hadn’t there been? Now it just all seemed blurred, like Therese was watching some film she had seen long ago and didn’t remember all the details. She just wanted to turn her brain off, to stop the intruding thoughts that never seemed to quiet. 

It was because of being in this mindset that Therese thought she had hallucinated Carol. Suddenly the woman had appeared before her eyes at the entrance of Juvenescence. After closing and reopening her eyes many times as well as several deep breaths, Therese realized that it was not an illusion. Carol was here, right in front of her. And Genevieve was with her. Therese felt like she’d had taken her first sip of water after being in a drought for so long, there was something about seeing Carol that made her come alive again. Even from a distance, Therese could tell that the woman looked beautiful as always. Her excitement was short lived, however, when she watched Carol interact with her wife. They were both all smiles and holding hands. They looked happier than Therese had ever seen them, they looked like a proper established couple, a married couple. A sense of dread and sadness filled Therese as she watched them from far away. Genevieve tucked a piece of hair behind Carol’s ear and the blonde pulled her wife in closer for a romantic kiss. Therese had to look away, this was all too much for her to stomach. When Carol turned to head into the building, her head turned in Therese’s direction. Therese immediately turned around and started almost racing down the street. Her eyes had started to sting again and she couldn’t prevent the tears from falling fast. She felt like she couldn’t breathe and her chest was heavy. Abby had lied. Carol seemed to be doing just fine without Therese.

Therese acted like a zombie for the next couple days. She was barely conscious and present in her day to day routine, paralyzed by her own emotions and feelings. Everyone around her seemed to notice, but refrained from making comments. After a couple of days Dannie sat her down and asked if there was anything he could do. It was a kind offer, but there was nothing anyone could do that would help Therese. It was sometime after that when she realized she had to help herself. Do what was right and make her health a priority for once. She made an appointment to reevaluate her prescriptions and found a counsellor in the city whose charges weren’t completely outrageous. It was terrifying doing all of this, asking for help and not letting everything reside inside her for once. But she knew that it was right, that she had put it off for too long. She didn’t want her anxiety and depression to control her or her life anymore, she didn’t want it to define her. These illnesses may be something she had to live with, but they didn’t embody who she was as a person, she was more than them. 

While she knew she wasn’t going to get better instantly, she was comforted knowing that she had done something about it, and had reached out. Her first meeting with her counsellor had been immensely difficult and frightening, but had gone better than she expected. They weren’t there to judge her or scrutinize, they were there to listen. Therese talked at length about her parents, how she was bullied at school, the countless boyfriends and Richard being the last. Once she started talking it seemed like she couldn’t stop, all she wanted now was to get it off her chest. To have someone know what was going on besides herself. The counsellor listened attentively and asked questions sparingly. When Therese had finished, a silence fell over them that made Therese nervous. 

“What brought you here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you make this appointment? Was there a specific reason or event that brought this on?”

Therese swallowed slowly, “Well I met this woman a couple months ago. Her name is Carol...”


	12. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *** TRIGGER WARNING SPECIFIC TO THIS CHAPTER ONLY: Dubious Consent, Implied Sexual Harassment ***

From an outsider’s perspective, some might think that Carol’s life had become better after she ceased communication with Therese. Genevieve had started to put in a real effort and their marriage in many ways was flourishing. They were communicating better, spending more time together while also giving each other their own space. Their sexual relationship was also thriving, though that was an element of their connection that had never faltered. It was like they were newlyweds again, in that peak of their honeymoon days. Business at Juvenescence was booming and Carol was seeing the positive change they were leaving on those who came to the centre and participated in counselling or their workshops. Through her work she could see a future in which mental health was a bigger priority in people's lives as well as in discussions and youth education. The dreams she had when she was younger and in university were starting to feel reachable and attainable, she was starting to see the systemic and social shifts in the communities around her and the one she fostered at Juvenescence. All these components in her life were excelling, but Carol was at her worst mentally. 

These past weeks she felt like a fraud, like an actress. The person she was projecting and being with Genevieve and at work was all a false pretense. During the day she was pleasant and happy and kind, but at night she was sitting in the shower crying, her sadness and loneliness consuming her. For once in her life she understood from first hand experience, how many of the people she talked to felt. It was hard to describe her mental space as the shift had happened so gradually over time that it had warped her sense of reality and perception. It made her want to retreat into herself. To lock the door and throw the key away. She tried so hard to push the feelings down that when she allowed herself to feel, it was excruciating and overwhelming. Carol truly felt alone, that none of the people in her life truly knew who she was or what she was going through. That she was in this all on her own. 

Therese was no question or mystery to what had brought on this wave of depression. Therese had been such a surprise, a breath of fresh air in her life that was now gone and because of her. Carol had willingly pushed her away, one of the only good things in her life. She thought that it would make things better. That Therese had been a blissful distraction and an excuse for her to neglect the struggling parts of her life. It turned out that Therese had been one of the few things keeping her sanity together, keeping Carol afloat. During these weeks Carol felt the young woman’s absence more than ever and truly recognized the impact and place that Therese had held in her life. She cared more deeply about Therese than she knew or had cared to admit to herself. Whether it was love or not, Carol was unsure, all she knew was that she had made a mistake and was deeply paying for it now.

Carol had arrived at her apartment building after a long day of work and was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. All she was craving was a long shower or hot bath and to dive in her bed and to sleep right after. When she arrived at their floor, however, she realized that Genevieve and her were meeting Abby out for dinner. She was not in the mood to put on a brave face and be social, but she knew there was no getting out of this. At least it was an opportunity for her to get out and see Abby as well. The doors opened and Carol stepped into the penthouse. 

“Gen?” she called out.

“Hi! I’m getting dressed,” her wife called from their bedroom. 

Carol took off her shoes and put down her bag. She went into their bedroom to find Genevieve getting into a beautiful black midi dress with a low back. Carol helped her zip up the last portion of the garment and kissed her. 

“How was your day, baby?” Genevieve asked. 

“Long,” Carol admitted. 

Genevieve gently grabbed Carol’s chin and looked at her, “You look tired. Are you sure you want to go tonight?”

A couple weeks ago, Genevieve definitely would not have provided Carol with an out. Her wife had truly come a long way in being a more considerate and sensitive partner. 

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to cancel on Abby and we’re supposed to be there soon anyways.”

Genevieve wasn’t entirely convinced, “Alright. We can leave whenever you want to, okay?”

“Okay. Do you want to pick out something for me to wear?”

Genevieve’s whole face lit up, “Really?”

Carol smiled weakly, “Sure. Go ahead.”

Soon enough Genevieve and Carol had arrived at the restaurant where they were meeting Abby. Genevieve had chosen her red suit for her to wear with a black shirt underneath and her hair down in its natural wave. In these clothes, Carol felt like she was putting on another more superficial level of performance. She wanted so badly to be the woman that Genevieve wanted her to be, the extroverted and glamorous socialite to compliment her, but she just wasn’t. They found their table where Abby was already sitting and sat down. Carol kissed the woman’s cheek and settled into her seat. 

“This is quite a bold outfit for you,” Abby commented. 

Genevieve grabbed her hand and glowed proudly, “I picked it out.”

“Ah, I should have known.”

A waiter came and took their drink orders, promptly returning with three martinis. Carol immediately took a swig of hers, grateful for the distraction. This did not go unnoticed, however, by Abby who looked at her with a concerned expression from across the table. Carol caught her eye and gave the most imperceptible shake of her head. We’ll discuss later, is what the action said subliminally. 

“What are you up to these days Abby?” Genevieve asked, “Any new lady in your life?”

“There is this redhead, but we’ll see where it goes. You know how I am, monogamy isn’t essential for me to be happy.”

Genevieve grinned, “Of course, that would be far too conventional for Abby Gerhard.”

Abby shrugged and took a sip of her drink. She looked at Carol over the rim of her glass, who averted her eyes. Her best friend had a habit of reading her like a book and she wasn’t in the mood for a lecture or wake up call. 

“How’s everything at work going?” Abby asked Carol.

“Oh it’s fine, a lot busier than usual. I’ve been having tons of meetings with administrators and educators wondering how to implement discussions around mental health into school curriculums.”

“Carol that’s amazing! You could have a real impact.”

Genevieve squeezed her hand supportively and Carol cracked a smile, “Yes it is rather exciting.”

The waiter returned and took their orders. Shortly after, Genevieve excused herself to go to the bathroom. Part of Carol dreaded this since she knew the minute her wife was gone, she would experience an interrogation from Abby. 

Her worries were confirmed the minute Genevieve was out of sight, “Carol, you look like shit.”

Carol squirmed in her seat, “Thanks Abby, I can always count on you to cheer me up.”

“You know that’s not what I mean. You look like you haven’t slept in days, there’s bags under your eyes, your skin is pale. You’re going to waste away to nothing.”

Carol put an elbow on the table and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I know, I know. Everything has just gotten away from me recently. I haven’t been taking care of myself.”

“Well that’s how I know it’s bad. Carol you aren’t going to be able to help people if you don’t help yourself,” Abby reached across the table and covered her hand with her own.

Carol could feel tears coming on and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, “Every day gets harder and harder Abby,” she whispered. 

Abby looked immensely worried, “Have you talked to Genevieve about this?”

“God no. Things are finally good between us for once.”

Abby’s mouth formed a hard line, “Carol I’m really concerned.”

“I don’t want to make a fuss. Let’s stop talking about this.”

“What would you say if one of those kids you talk to tried to invalidate how they were feeling?”

“Abby…”

“You would tell them that how they are feeling is valid. You would tell them that they are not alone and that they don’t have to keep it all in. So why do you expect yourself to do that?” 

“I just… everyday she’s not there. I don’t hear from her. I come home to what? To this?” Carol gestured to the emotion showing on her face. 

“Who? Therese?”

Carol took a shaky breath, “Yes, Therese.”

\- - - - 

It was later that evening and Genevieve and Carol were back from their dinner with Abby. Carol’s conversation with her best friend had been cut short when Genevieve returned from her trip to the restroom. Carol had to compose herself and managed to get through the rest of the dinner without any problem. On the inside, however, she felt empty. It was like her body was there and present, but her mind and soul were elsewhere. She was now in bed and dressed in her night clothes with her face freshly washed. Genevieve was in the bathroom washing up still. Carol wondered if it was all in her head, that her wife had actually noticed her change in behaviour and mood. She wondered if Genevieve also felt like she was sleeping next to a stranger at night, like Carol did. If the other woman also felt as alone as Carol felt, despite being in the company of someone else. This was what was running through her head when her wife slipped into bed next to her and slid her arms around her. Genevieve kissed the nape of her neck then started to leave lingering kisses on her cheek and throat. Carol entertained the contact for a little while, but soon found herself being rolled over onto her back. Genevieve kissed her on the lips and Carol kissed her back, but her heart wasn’t in it. It was when Genevieve’s hand moved up her shirt that Carol stopped her. 

“Sorry Gen, I’m just exhausted. Can we go to bed?” she asked. 

Genevieve pouted, “Come on, Carol.”

“I’m just not in the mood.”

“Well I can make you,” Genevieve purred. 

“Gen-”

“-Carol.”

Carol looked directly in her wife’s eyes, “I said no, okay?”

“Please?” Genevieve’s hand continued up her shirt and palmed her breast, “For me, baby?” her wife asked, whispering in her ear. 

And in that moment was when Carol did something she thought she’d never do. Something that she had only heard about in books and movies and unfortunately in the people’s experiences who confided in her. She let herself go and relinquished the autonomy and control of her body to her wife, completely. 

\- - - - 

The next morning when Carol woke up, she was disoriented and confused. She felt like how one felt after a fever induced sleep or nap, slightly groggy and nauseous. Her memories were slow to come back to her, but the soreness that she felt throughout her entire body instantly reminded her of the previous night's events. A wave of guilt and shame washed over her as she remembered what had happened, what she had allowed to happen. She quietly snuck out of bed and retreated into the bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror, she didn’t appear drastically different, however, she felt like she was looking at someone she didn’t know. 

She couldn’t help but cry as she took in her reflection. Abby was right, she was a shell, a skin of her previous self. Her skin had lost its healthy colour and the bags beneath her eyes seemed to have taken up permanent residence. And in addition to all these aspects now, were several bruises of purple and green colouring. One on her neck, one below her breast and several on her inner thighs. Typically this wouldn’t be a shocking sight to Carol, but what was alarming was that she could barely recall how these formed, what kind of sexual physicality she had engaged in with Genevieve last night. She was incredibly sore and swollen between her legs and not in a pleasurable way, but in a way that was raw and uncomfortable. 

Carol jumped when she heard the alarm go off in their bedroom. She heard some movement and the rustling of bedsheets, “Carol?” Genevieve called out. 

Carol felt her throat constrict, “Just getting into the shower!” she called back. 

She quickly turned the shower on and got in under the streaming water. Once the water started to cascade over her body, she couldn’t help herself as she started to sob, her hand covering her mouth. 

\- - - - 

It was later that day when Carol saw her. Genevieve had walked her to work and was saying goodbye, when Carol just barely got a glimpse of a petite brunette. Even from a distance Carol recognized Therese’s wide and almost alarmed eyes. She only saw her face for a split second, before she was able to properly register the sight Therese had turned in the opposite direction and had disappeared. It was only a glimpse and barely that even, but it had caused Carol to pause and her breath to catch in her throat. It was like the sun finally coming out after days and days of cloud and rain. Carol realized how desperately she missed her. She wanted to know how she was doing, if she was creating anything. Was she thinking of Carol too? In that moment it was like she’d had a glimpse into a possibility, into an alternate life. 

What would it be like to be with Therese? Would it be as difficult and painful as it was with Genevieve? Somehow Carol knew that it wouldn’t be. That Therese would never care about how she looked, that she would find her beautiful no matter what. Therese would support her in her career, and would understand that her goals with her career were to reach people and connect, not to make money. Therese would give her space and not suffocate her, would not be possessive or get jealous. Most of all she knew that what had happened last night, would never occur with the young woman. Therese would always ask and she would always listen.

Carol then walked into work and continued her day, with a newfound energy and sense of purpose. Seeing Therese had completely turned around her mindset from where it was last night and early this morning. She knew now and was confident in her feelings. Therese was what she wanted. Who she wanted. She had made a complete mess out of all of this and was determined to fix it. She had to or before she knew it she would fade away, overtaken by her sadness and this abject loneliness that she was essentially composed of now. She didn’t want to feel alone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be a big exhale, I promise.


	13. Confess

A couple more weeks had passed and over that time Therese had several more appointments with her counsellor as well as more coffee dates with Abby. Happy wouldn’t necessarily be the word to describe how she was feeling. She was fine, in all senses of the word. Things were cautiously looking up, her days were starting to seem less bleak and her head had started to clear. She was in a position where she no longer dreaded waking up in the morning or finding something to do with her time, her life had stabled in a sense. She was at neither drastic end of the spectrum, she was in the middle and that was okay with her. 

The counselling was hard and emotionally draining, but Therese always left the sessions feeling better than she was going in. She had discovered things about herself through these conversations, things that perhaps had always been there that she had either been oblivious to or neglected. She was getting better at recognizing behaviours and patterns in her thinking, what triggers she had that would send her into a spiral. While the counsellor wasn’t focused on removing the emotional aspect of her struggles, looking at her thought process and experience through a more analytical and objective lens helped her immensely. What she so often struggled with was being too inside herself, having too many loud voices and what the counsellor helped her with was to learn to reflect and put much of what she was feeling in past tense to be able to understand it more accurately. When she wasn’t at work, or with her counsellor, or with Abby, Therese was researching and reading everything she could about anxiety and depression and mental illness in general. Having so many resources and being able to talk about it made her realize that she wasn’t the only one experiencing it, that there were other people out there who thought like her too. It was almost alarming for her to read things that she thought in the exact same words, it made her feel seen and less isolated. It made her feel less alone. 

While she wasn’t feeling quite motivated to make anything yet, her regular visits with Abby had injected some sort of normalcy and variation in her days and weeks. At first Therese felt like the other woman felt obligated, that she was some sort of enlisted babysitter, but she quickly discovered that they got along quite well. Abby was a very genuine and honest person, she was a good listener, but also hilarious and very personable. She brought out a more relaxed and silly side in Therese that she didn’t allow to come forth often. All in all Abby had been a great friend to her and Therese couldn’t deny that by seeing her, she felt somehow connected to Carol still. 

The blonde no longer was a repetitive figure in her nightmares and the constant centre of her thoughts. Of course Therese still thought about her, wondered how she was doing, what she was up to, but she didn’t feel as consumed by her anymore. Like it was mentioned before, she was fine. And that meant being fine without Carol as well. As the days went by Therese looked back on it all with a fresher and more clearer perspective, she wondered if she had needed Carol too much back then. She was also slightly terrified because as time went one she realized that the only person she needed was herself and that she had to depend on who she was as a person and not anyone else. She was going to be the only constant thing in her life and she wanted to be okay with that and at peace with the notion. 

It was a Sunday and Therese was cleaning her apartment when her phone rang. She picked it up and smiled when she saw Abby’s name show up on the caller identification. 

“Hello Abby,” she said, answering the call. 

“Hi, so I have something to tell you.”

Therese was amused, “You always get right to it, don’t you? There’s never any beating around the bush.” 

“Well it’s more of a warning actually.”

Therese paused, “What are you talking about?”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to freak you out. I just wanted to call before she got there, to give you a heads up.”

Therese was beyond confused, “Before who gets here?”

“Carol.”

Therese thought she misheard the other woman, “Sorry?”

Abby sounded slightly nervous or panicked, “Carol. I just talked to her and she’s heading over to yours. Are you home?”

Therese clutched her phone, “Yes, I am. Abby, are you serious right now?”

“Yes I just got off the phone with her and she seemed set on it.”

Therese had gone silent. She was trying her best to process this all, but she wasn’t even sure how to begin. She also didn’t have that much time, as Abby said, Carol would be here soon. Therese would see Carol face to face and she couldn’t figure out whether the feeling in her stomach was anxiety or excitement. Perhaps it was a combination of both. Was she prepared or ready for this interaction? Was this meeting going to be her ultimate evaluation of how much she had learned and grown over this time? She felt like she had been given an exam without knowing what material was going to be on it and therefore was going to fail miserably. She did notice, however, that her breathing pattern hadn’t changed and her mind hadn’t immediately started to race. That was an improvement at least.

She wasn’t sure how long had passed, when she heard Abby’s voice again, “Therese? Are you there?”

“Yes. Thank you for telling me, I should probably go.”

“Okay. Will you be alright?”

“I hope so. No, I’ll be fine. Bye, Abby,” Therese ended the call. 

Therese put her phone down and looked around her apartment. She finished the last bit of tidying and checked her appearance in her bathroom to ensure she wasn’t looking too distressed. Her hair was a wavy mess as always, but her clothes were clean and simple, it would have to do. She tried to keep herself and her hands busy, if she stopped she knew it would give her too much time to think, or overthink really. This coping mechanism was helping to prevent a descent into a pit of anxiety, however, Therese knew she would have to face these feelings, and Carol in only a matter of time. 

When she heard a soft knock at her door, her heart stopped and it was like her hearing failed. Was the woman actually here? It was like the blonde had become some strange enigma in her thoughts and memories, like she didn’t actually exist in the living world. Therese held her breath and listened to the sound of another knock. She quietly padded over to the door and reached out, her hand only inches away from the handle. That was when she heard it. Carol’s voice. 

“Therese? Are you there?”

Therese had to prevent herself from collapsing at the sound of Carol’s voice. It was just how she remembered, soft yet warm and comforting. She made contact with the door handle then after taking a deep breath, opened it to be confronted with Carol on the other side. 

It was like she had been blinded the moment she looked into Carol’s face. Her beauty, and the sheer force of her gaze was too much for Therese to handle, it took her several moments to fully register the sight of the woman in front of her. When she did, however, Therese couldn’t help but feel a sense of safety and relief wash over her. A lapse of time may have passed between them, but standing in front of Carol, Therese felt like nothing had changed in regards to their connection and emotional bond. 

What she did notice that was different though, was the transparent sadness across Carol’s face, but that resided predominantly in her deep blue eyes. It was startling for Therese to see and made her heart feel heavy, what had happened to impact Carol in this way? It was an alarming sight, but what was more disconcerting perhaps was that it was an emotion and look that Therese recognized instantly. It was exactly what she saw when she looked in the mirror most days. 

Carol seemed to be having a similar reaction to Therese, as the two women were speechless for a moment. Therese’s hand was still on the door, holding it ajar. Therese attempted to compose herself and stood aside slightly so Carol could enter. The blonde smiled weakly and walked in. Therese got a strong whiff of the woman’s bergamot scented perfume as she passed and closed the door with a slightly shaking hand. This interaction was already going to be difficult, but being in such close proximity to the woman in her tiny apartment was going to provide a further challenge. 

Therese turned around and was immediately confronted by Carol’s stare once again. It was gentle, but also hesitant and… afraid? She didn’t know how to act or what to say, she was waiting for Carol to make the first move, although she wished she was assertive enough to conduct the interaction herself. 

“You don’t look entirely surprised to see me,” Carol observed. 

“Abby called.”

Carol shook her head, “I should have known. She told me that you two had gotten closer.”

“How much does she tell you?” Therese asked. 

Carol paused, “Not much. She wants to keep her position separate.”

“Why did you come here Carol? I haven’t heard from you in over a month and you show up here out of the blue,” Therese said. 

Carol looked down, “I had to see you.”

Therese was determined to not let her resolve crumble as she could already feel herself becoming unhinged just by the sight of the other woman. All of this seemed random and unjustified, what had caused the sudden change? 

“I missed you,” Carol said quietly. 

That was it. Those three words were just enough to make Therese’s knees shake. She moved over to the couch and sat down before she collapsed in a heap. Carol hesitated for a moment then sat down next to Therese at a safe distance. Therese clasped her hands together in an effort to stop them from trembling. 

“Why did you stop talking to me? After dinner that night all of it just… stopped,” Therese said. 

Carol’s mouth pressed into a hard line, “I thought it was what was best. For everyone involved. I thought I was protecting you and myself, but I just made a mess of everything.”

“Protecting me from what?” 

“From me. From Genevieve, from all of it.”

“Carol I don’t need your protection. I can take care of myself,” Therese said defensively. 

“Yes I see that now. It was never my decision to make. It wasn’t fair for me to ice you out like that.”

“So why are you here now?” Therese was desperately confused and wanted some clarity. A partially healed wound was being reopened and it was too painful for her to bear. 

Carol’s blue eyes were wide and pleading, “Therese I desperately want to go back to how things were. I want to connect again.”

It was everything Therese wanted to hear, had dreamed of hearing, but the timing was all wrong. While she had learned to be fine without Carol, her feelings for the woman hadn’t completely diminished. She wasn’t sure if she could embark on a second phase of friendship with the woman being aware of such emotion brewing within her. The first time she had been confused, uncertain, but now she was confident in what she was feeling. It would be difficult, emotionally exhausting and above all, inappropriate. Carol was married and Therese didn’t want to put her in a compromising situation. 

“Carol I can’t be friends with you,” Therese said, “I want to, I desperately want to, but I can’t. It hurts too much.”

Therese took a shaky breath then continued, “I’ve developed feelings for you and I know how wrong that is, I know that you’re married. Those feelings aren’t going to automatically go away, I thought they would over this time apart but they just grew stronger.”

Therese couldn’t bear to look at Carol, to see her reaction, to see the shock and mortification. She wiped at her damp eyes with the back of her hand and felt a headache coming on. 

“Therese,” Carol said gently. 

Therese forced herself to look up, “What?”

The tightness and rigidness in Carol’s shoulders and body language disappeared, “Don’t you understand? You were never just a friend to me.”

The impending headache vanished, “What?” Therese repeated. 

Carol moved slightly closer on the couch, “I have feelings for you too, Therese.”

Therese felt as if her head was exploding, had she actually just heard those words emerge from Carol’s mouth? Was this actually happening? Was this what she had wanted to hear? Shouldn’t she feel guilty that she had interfered in a marriage? When she looked at Carol though, it all made sense. All those looks and loaded questions and heavy silences that they had shared. They did mean something more, it hadn’t just been Therese overthinking and being presumptuous. Carol felt similarly, Carol liked her too. 

Therese looked at the other woman who gave her a small smile, almost apologetic and shy. 

“So,” Carol cleared her throat, “What now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What now?


	14. Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My apologies this chapter does not contain that kiss that so many of you seem to be waiting for!

Carol woke up a couple days after getting that glimpse of Therese and decided that she was tired, that she had exhausted her efforts with her marriage and that it wasn’t bringing her any happiness anymore. It was a revelation and conclusion that she knew she’d had for a while, but was finally admitting it to herself. This didn’t make the situation at all easier though.

Genevieive wept for days and days and begged her to reconsider. She made countless promises that she would do better, that they could make it work. Carol also knew that the woman felt very remorseful about what had transpired between them the night Carol had been taken advantage of. While Carol was glad that Genevieve was able to take responsibility, it didn’t make her feel any better. Over the next couple weeks they continued to have the same conversation over and over again, it wasn’t necessarily an argument now just endless questions, pleading and tears on behalf of both women. Carol wondered sometimes if Genevieve actually believed in the things she was saying or if she thought it was what Carol wanted to hear? It was hard for Carol to understand what was going on, it felt like Genevieve was a completely different person than the woman she married seven years ago. Carol had started to sleep in the guest room and she could hear Genevieve crying in the other bedroom every night. 

The situation wasn’t ideal and throughout it, Carol wondered if she had made the right decision. Did she want to hurt someone else on her journey to find her own happiness? Was the cost worth it to her? She spent this duration of time feeling immensely guilty and selfish, the worst version of herself. What did this say about her character, that she so willingly had decided to leave her wife and her marriage of seven years? Did it say that she wasn’t so understanding and compassionate as she had hoped? For so long Carol had villainized Genevieve, like her wife had suggested and now she wondered if she was the true antagonist. This was how she felt at least. 

While things weren’t necessarily good, after some time Genevieve had started to accept Carol’s decision, sort of. They had countless meetings with lawyers to oversee the divorce process which was just at its beginning. It wouldn’t be finalized for a while at least, especially considering Carol and Genevieve both had substantial financial endeavours that needed to be taken into account. They were only at the start and Carol could already foresee that the process was going to be long, tedious and exhausting. There were so many legal matters to consider, things to sign, conversations to be had. It almost made her want to forget the whole thing, but she knew she couldn’t. She loved Genevieve but she was no longer in love with her and it wasn’t fair to stay in a marriage knowing that she no longer was giving herself fully to it. Things between her and her wife hadn’t been good for a while and they both knew it, this was bound to happen sooner or later. With the introduction of Therese into her life or not. 

Therese. Carol remembered the day that she had flown over to the young woman’s apartment like a mad woman. She had been talking to Abby about the divorce and something had just clicked in her, she needed to see the brunette and didn’t want to make excuses for herself any longer. She remembered the way Therese had looked when she had opened the door, the wide eyed expression and uncertainty. When she had confessed her feelings to Carol there on her sofa, Carol remembered the way her heart had hammered inside her chest. The other woman had been so afraid of her reaction, of her possible rejection of her. There was nothing more that Carol wanted to do in that moment then pull the girl into her arms and hold her tightly, however, given both of their experiences and emotional traumas, she restrained herself. The last thing she wanted to do was coerce Therese into physical contact or intimacy that she wasn’t yet ready for. She knew how it felt and how easy it was to be convinced into something without desiring it. Their interaction had ended rather strangely and uncertain. They had expressed their feelings for each other yes, but what the next steps should be were unclear. All that mattered to Carol, however, was that Therese reciprocated how she was feeling. The rest they would figure out together, with time. 

\- - - - 

It was a few days after Carol and Therese had been reunited. Carol was at her apartment boxing up some of her things to go into storage. She would be packing a suitcase with the essentials and staying with Abby until she could find a place of her own. She didn’t have much in the way of possessions, it was mostly clothes and books. They’d already agreed that Genevieve would keep the apartment and its furnishings as part of the settlement. Carol wasn’t bitter about that, Genevieve had found the apartment and had immediately fallen in love with it. The penthouse was more suited to her tastes and Carol would feel strange about living there without her. A fresh start was what she needed and it was both exhilarating and terrifying to think about. She felt like she was at the anticlimactic end of a chapter in her life and hoping that Therese was going to be at the center of her next one. 

Carol manhandled a cardboard box as she attempted to seal it shut with a tape gun. The angle at which she held the box was awkward and tape guns in general were a nuisance so she was struggling. She finally secured several strips of tape along the box’s length and collapsed on top of it, exhausted from her efforts. It was the last one she had to pack, full of things that would wait to be unpacked in her new place. All she had left now were her clothes, which were sparse. Abby had invited her to come stay without any suggestion on Carol’s part and she was grateful, but still felt like she was being an inconvenience to her friend. Hopefully she would find a new place soon, but she didn’t want to rush the process, she wanted to find something that was right. She even debated looking outside of Manhattan, she felt like she had countless options and autonomy now. Thank god for Abby, Carol thought as she pushed the recently sealed box towards the elevator, where several others had been placed. The elevator doors opened then and Genevieve walked into their penthouse to see Carol packing. Her eyes were unreadable but her full mouth had formed a permanent line. 

“I’m not kicking you out Carol, you know you don’t have to leave immediately.”

“I just don’t really think it’s appropriate that I stay given what’s going on. Some space would be preferable during this process,” Carol said. 

“Well I don’t want any space at all,” Genevieve said stubbornly. 

Carol rubbed her temples, “I thought you had started to accept this.”

Genevieve’s eyes were ablaze, “Do you expect me to just drop everything and agree with you the minute you say that you want a divorce?”

“Things haven’t been good between us for a while Gen, you know that. We’ve talked to lawyers and started making agreements, this has become more than just an idea of conversation.” 

“A part of me really thought that you would change your mind during it,” Genevieve admitted.

“I can tell,” Carol said quietly, “But it’s not going to waver. All of this is going into storage and I’m going to stay with Abby until I can find a place.”

A muscle flexed in Genevieve’s neck, “You just can’t wait to get away from me, can you?”

Carol sighed, “Can we please not get into this again?”

Genevieve walked closer to Carol and the blonde instinctively flinched, but deeply regretted it after seeing her soon to be ex-wife’s reaction. 

“Sorry,” Carol muttered. 

“You’re going to hold that night over my head for the rest of my life, huh?” Genevieve asked in a low voice. 

“You can’t do that.”

“What?”

“Gas light me into feeling bad, when you’re the one who caused the pain,” Carol explained. 

“I don’t see it that way.”

Carol brushed her hands off on her jeans, “Of course you don’t,” she went into their bedroom and closed the door behind her. 

\- - - - 

“Thank you so much again for this Abby.”

“It’s my pleasure. We finally get to have that extra long sleepover we always dreamed about when we were kids!”

“Haha, that’s a good way to look at it.”

Carol hugged her legs closer to her as she lounged on Abby’s sofa in her apartment in Soho. It was a couple hours later and she was officially moved out of the penthouse that she used to share with Genevieve. 

“Was it weird leaving the apartment today? Was Genevieve there?”

“Yes, we had a bit of a spat before I left. Not all that surprising though. She wanted to make me believe that she supported my choice, but she really doesn’t.” 

“She’s clearly in denial. About this all.”

Carol shook her head, “I’d hoped that this would be a peaceful and painless divorce, but I guess I should have known. When do you ever hear about couples that split and are on good terms after?”

“Was she truly that blindsided? She can’t have possibly thought that everything was all fine between you two,” Abby said. 

Carol shrugged, “You know how she is. It’s all about control for her at the end of the day.”

“Does Therese know?”

Carol paused, “No. I should have told her when I saw her, but it didn’t seem right. It was a short conversation in general.”

“Did you kiss her?”

“No, I’ve already cheated on Genevieve emotionally, I don’t want to do it physically too.”

A slightly mischievous smile spread across Abby’s face, “You want to kiss her though right?”

Carol groaned, “More than anything Abby.”

“When are you seeing her next?”

“In the next couple of days hopefully. Is it inappropriate that I’m seeing her while the divorce is going on?”

“I don’t think it will make anything harder for you. It’s not like you have a child to consider as well.”

“Thank goodness. This is hard enough already. Can you imagine?”

“You as a parent? God no,” Abby cracked a smile.

Carol laughed, “Very funny. I think I’m going to turn in for the night.”

“The guest room is all made up. Try not to ruin it will you?” Abby asked as Carol got up. 

“Between the two of us, you’re the messy one Abigail.”

\- - - - 

Carol was just settling into bed when her phone vibrated on the nightstand table. She picked it up and glanced at the screen to see Therese’s name. Smiling to herself, she picked up the device and slid deeper under the covers. 

“When can I see you?” Therese’s text read. 

Carol stilled for a moment then wrote back, “Whenever you want.”

A moment’s pause then, “Tomorrow?” Therese had replied.

Carol’s smile grew even wider, “I’ll be there,” she typed. 

There was a long silence and Carol started to think that Therese had fallen asleep, but her phone vibrated one more time. 

“I can’t wait to see you,” the message read. 

Carol felt something within her flutter. She turned off her phone and put it back on the nightstand table. She reached for the lamp beside her and turned it off, cloaking the guest room in darkness. As Carol got even more comfortable in bed and tried to relax, she found that she was unable to go to sleep. She wasn’t tired. There was an unfamiliar feeling brewing deep within her, that made her heart race, but in a thrilling kind of way. She was excited for what felt like the first time in a long time. She had no idea what was to come with the divorce and Therese, but she was ready for something new and to enter what seemed like the next phase in her life. For once, the uncertainty and openness of what lay ahead of her, was comforting instead of terrifying. The last thing she thought of before sleep washed over her was kissing Therese. What it would feel like to have the young woman’s lips against hers.


	15. Wait

Therese had barely been able to sleep last night, not as a result from nightmares, but because she was beyond excited to see Carol the next day. Their encounter the other day had left Therese eager for more time with the woman after having spent so long apart. Not seeing Carol regularly had almost made her forget how magnetic and kind the woman was, truly a breath of fresh air in a world filled with such pollution. Nothing had changed and yet everything had. Both women had clearly been through their respective hardships during those weeks, they had changed in their own ways, however, something still connected to them. Still brought them together as if their souls had met somewhere in the universe after spending lifetimes away from each other. Somehow Therese knew with Carol that she would continue to grow. That the woman would not hold her back or desire her only as a specific version of herself, like Richard had. 

Thinking this way made Therese want to chastise herself. As always she was getting ahead of herself, making plans for an indefinite future. It was what made her feel less anxious and also what she did when she got excited, when she felt a sense of hope. Carol was still married and while Therese did not know the whole situation, she knew it was more complicated than to be expected. She would be surprised if it were as simple as Carol cheating on her wife with Therese, Carol was too kind for such poison. Also Therese wasn’t sure how she felt about that possibility, would she allow herself to be a part of such a predicament? Perhaps a while ago, but now she knew she wouldn’t stand for it. She wanted to be with Carol and only Carol, to have the woman’s undivided attention and care. It seemed that Carol wanted the same, but Therese was unsure. Behind the blonde’s blue eyes something was always brewing deep within, a cloud that covered the sunshine. Therese knew that it was unrealistic and unfair to assume that Carol had a perfect life, everyone had their own darkness and demons. 

Therese woke up in the morning and saw that she had a new message from Carol. It contained the address to a restaurant followed by, “Lunch? 1pm?” 

She typed back instantly, “Yes and yes.”

She glanced at the time on her phone, it was eight ‘o’ clock. Five hours to wait. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t that much time, but Therese knew it was going to feel like ages. She spent her morning tidying up her, already clean, apartment and picking out something to wear. As a result of her financial situation she didn’t have heaps of clothes, but also didn’t have a desire to own lots of things, she liked to keep her life small in a sense and uncluttered. Simplicity did wonders for her stress and anxiety, she didn’t like to feel overstimulated by too much choice or things in general, whether it be clothes or not. It was things like this, her coping mechanisms and behaviour that sometimes made her feel isolated and strange. Did others think like this? Get concerned over the same sorts of things? At least through the counselling and continued research, she had started to become more aware of things like this. She was able to point them out and give them a name. This overall made her feel more comfortable, that the things she did and the way she thought was normal in a different kind of way. She could see her progress in a tangible, physical way and for once the only person’s approval she seeked or desired was her own. 

Soon enough, it was nearing one in the afternoon and Therese had set off to go meet Carol. It was a beautiful spring day and the light wind was only slightly chilly. Therese had dressed in her favorite corduroy pants, a short sleeved turtleneck and mid length, plain leather jacket. Her unruly hair she put up for once, into a neat ponytail. She was happy with how she looked and it gave her an additional level of confidence as she made her way through the streets and towards the restaurant. 

When she arrived she could already see Carol through the window, seated at one of the tables. Therese smiled to herself and walked into the restaurant, she was more at ease than she typically would be in a lively environment like this. Carol immediately raised an arm and waved her over. When Therese arrived at the table Carol actually stood and there was an awkward moment between them. Therese knew that Carol was hesitant about initiating anything, so she leaned forward and boldly gave the woman a hug. Therese held her breath at first, but relaxed when she felt Carol’s hand immediately tighten around her waist. Being in an embrace with Carol was unlike anything Therese had ever experienced. Something so simple, so platonic even suddenly made the ends of her nerves tingle and heightened her senses. Therese’s body opened up into Carol’s and she never wanted it to end. The woman’s blonde curls tickled Therese’s nose and she suddenly felt the impulse to tuck her face into the crook of Carol’s neck. 

Both women pulled back at the same time and shared a somewhat secretive smile, as if they had just engaged in something naughty. Therese sat down, took her jacket off and draped it over the back of the chair. 

“You look very fine,” Carol said appreciatively, “I like your hair like this.”

Therese hoped that her entire face didn’t turn red then, because she felt a warmth spread throughout her entire body. She subtly wiped her palms on her shins. 

“I’m glad that you were free to meet today.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Carol’s words were genuine. 

A waiter came by with water for them and took their orders. It was when they left that Therese noticed Carol looked nervous. 

“Is everything okay?” she asked. 

“It’s been an interesting past couple of days,” Carol admitted, “Lot’s of change.”

Therese hesitated, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Carol met her eyes, “Genevieve and I are divorcing.”

Therese felt her pulse start to quicken like a motor had just been started within her, “I’m sorry,” she said quietly even though her thoughts had started to race. Carol was getting divorced? 

“Don’t be.”

“It seems so sudden,” Therese said, trying to make sense of what Carol had told her. 

“I suppose so. When I think about it, however, a divorce has been long due. We haven’t been happy for a long time.”

“Why? Sorry that’s none of my business,” Therese quickly felt embarrassed. 

“It’s okay,” Carol reassured her, “For many reasons really, but they’ve all been escalating recently. Our main form of communication as of late is arguing.”

That wasn’t entirely surprising to Therese, it was obvious that Genevieve had a headstrong and assertive streak in her. Of course she would take advantage of Carol’s understanding and compassionate nature. 

“She doesn’t want it though. If it was up to her we would stay together,” Carol explained. 

“And you don’t want to make it work?”

“I’ve been trying to make it work for seven years. Also, you’re the one I want Therese,” Carol said meaningfully. 

Therese almost felt like crying then. A feeling washed over her that she couldn’t quite place, it was unfamiliar and strange yet wonderful and all consuming. It was something she had never felt before. 

“Really?” she dared to ask, almost giving Carol the opportunity to take her words back. 

Carol smiled wide, “Really,” she confirmed. 

Therese was unsure of what to say. Doubtful if there were any words she could conjure that would accurately describe how she was feeling or that would validate Carol’s words. 

“I want to be with you too,” she said at last. 

Carol gave her an even expression, dark blue eyes twinkling. A common understanding passed between them, they were on equal footing now. The waiter returned with their lunch and put the plates down in front of them. It was after both women had taken a couple bites of food that Carol spoke again. 

“The divorce proceedings are already underway, but it’s still going to take some time. Probably a couple of weeks, hopefully not longer than a month.”

“It sounds complicated.”

“It is.”

Therese tried her best to be understanding, “Are we not supposed to see each other during it? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“No, of course not. I don’t think I would be able to handle not speaking to you for that long again anyways,” Carol looked down. 

“Then what is it?”

Carol chose her words carefully, “I already feel like I’ve gone behind Genevieve’s back and betrayed her emotionally. I don’t want to… extend that any further in regards to other things,” Carol said slowly. 

The warmth from before radiated throughout Therese. Was Carol talking about sex? More importantly, sex with her? The thought made subtle perspiration produce on Therese’s brow, while also sending a surprising thrill to her core. 

“I wouldn’t feel right about it, given the circumstances. I just wanted to tell you in case you were… looking forward to anything,” Carol said shyly, a flush of colour appearing across her cheeks. 

“That’s alright Carol,” Therese reassured her, “I’m not expecting anything from you. You don’t owe me anything,” she promised. 

Carol looked touched, “It’s not that I don’t want to,” she quickly added. 

It was Therese’s turn to be amused and endeared as she took in Carol’s flustered behaviour. The other woman was clearly concerned with offending her or sending the wrong impression. 

“I can wait, Carol. We can wait. All that matters to me is that I get to see you.”

This seemed to satisfy Carol, who looked genuinely touched. The two women went back to eating their lunch. The subject did not come up again.  
\- - - - 

It was nighttime and Therese had just tucked herself into her bed. Her lunch with Carol had ended up being a long one, the women had spent hours talking long after their food was consumed, just happy to be in each other’s company. Carol had noticeably gotten more comfortable after confiding in Therese about the divorce and her concerns about the introduction of physicality into their relationship. It had been an understandable worry, but it had taken Therese by surprise. 

Sex had never been a big part of her life or a deep need of hers, so the thought had never really crossed her mind. Her experiences were extremely limited and restricted to her relationship with Richard. As a result, she did not have the best or most healthy relationship with her sexuality and thoughts around it. Sex with Richard was always passionless and rushed. Richard never cared to ask what she wanted and often only seeked his own pleasure and climax. He was clumsy and rough and there was rarely any foreplay when they got down to it. All of it just left a bitter and unpleasant taste in Therese’s mouth and mind, she overall felt indifferent and uninterested in sex in general. She often wondered if it was something that just didn’t bring her excitement like others, if she resided somewhere on the asexuality spectrum. Near the end of their relationship when Richard tried to force himself on her, that was when Therese completely shut herself off to the idea of ever engaging in something as intimate as sex with anyone ever again. It only brought back painful and traumatic memories. Something so natural and beautiful had been tarnished for her. 

When Carol had brought up the subject today, however, it had caused Therese to think. She’d had an immediate reaction to the other woman’s words and it had shocked her. Her body had not responded to anyone or even herself in such a way for years. Therese had hardly touched herself since breaking it off with Richard and didn’t have any desire to, it was often an unsuccessful venture and incredibly disappointing. Carol had barely even said the words explicitly, but somehow made Therese’s body and mind come alive. While Therese had been completely honest when she said that she wasn’t expecting anything and could wait, she started to wonder about what sex would be like with Carol? Surely the experience wouldn’t be accurately defined by that word, making love would be more apt. Carol was older than her and also experienced in relationships with other women, how would she make Therese feel? She would be the opposite of Richard, surely. She would be tender and soft and patient. She would ask Therese what she needed and she wouldn’t push or take advantage of her. 

It would be different with Carol, of that Therese was confident. She also knew that the blonde was prepared and okay with waiting, regardless of the divorce. She would never ask something of Therese that she was not ready to give. She would not expect it of her like Richard, as if she were giving something that wasn’t hers to begin with. Therese closed her eyes and remembered what it was like to hold Carol in her arms today. It would be something like that, she decided. Intimate and warm and safe, yet exhilarating. Considering the impact left on Therese from merely a hug with Carol, she could only imagine what it would be like to be with the woman uninhibited. And she couldn’t deny that she was intrigued to find out.


	16. Release

Carol nervously adjusted her blazer, she was uncomfortable in the seat she was sitting in and her clothes felt restrictive and tight. It was most likely because of the cold sweats that had started to come on, she got like that when she was agitated. Across from her, Genevieve’s arms were crossed and she could hear the woman’s heeled foot tapping against the ground. Carol chanced a look at the other blonde, but looked away when they met eyes. It was a couple weeks later and they were at the final divorce proceeding with their lawyers which seemed like it was lasting for ages. In the grand scheme of things the process had been a lot faster than usual because the people involved and working for them were high profile, despite this though Carol could not wait for this to all be over, to finally be released. 

As this meeting had grown closer, the communication with Genevieve had almost completely ceased. The only times they were actually in contact was through the lawyers, they were slowly becoming strangers to one another. Carol did not interpret this silence as compliance, however, she knew Genevieve too well for that, and knew that the woman was no doubt waiting to burst. Genevieve was angry and hated to lose, she liked being in control of a situation at all times. Carol wondered if that was her biggest emotion in all of this, despair that she was losing at a game she’d thought she won. It confirmed that idea at the back of Carol’s head, that Genevieve was so intrigued with what she couldn’t have, what or who involved a bit of a chase and in this case Carol was exactly that. Carol knew that regardless of the divorce, Genevieve wouldn’t go down without a fight and would only accept this change on her own terms. That the legal conditions meant nothing to her in a way. 

Fred, Carol’s lawyer, cleared his throat and brought both Carol and Genevieve back to the present and out of their thoughts. 

“I think everything has been settled on our end. This whole process was made easier considering that you both agreed not to split your combined assets. And that agreement still stands?”

“Yes,” Carol replied. 

Genevieve nodded her head at Fred. 

Fred turned to Genevieve’s lawyer, “Is there anything else you’d like to go over Jerry?”

Jerry made eye contact with Genevieve and the two seemed to communicate something to each other non verbally in this moment. Jerry adjusted his tie and looked at both Fred and Carol. 

“There was something that Ms. Cantrell and I had discussed that we were concerned about.”

“Oh?” Fred asked. 

“It has come to our understanding that Ms. Ross has entered into a new relationship with one Ms. Belivet,” Jerry began. 

“I don’t know why this is relevant Jerry,” Fred said, “This isn’t a custody case.”

“It’s going to impact Ms. Cantrell’s career. She’s very well regarded in the media marketing business and this information be used to build a case against her.”

Fred looked tired, “What kind of case?”

“A divorce is one thing, but when the public finds out that Ms. Ross is now with someone else, someone much younger I might add, it will be all over social media.”

“I don’t understand why this is something to be concerned with on our end. On a legal end,” Fred said. 

Jerry leaned forward, “Ms. Cantrell’s career relies on her reputation and to be respected by professionals. All the unwanted attention on Ms. Ross’s new dalliance would cause a scandal and possibly discredit her capabilities and achievements.”

Fred shook his head, “Jerry, this is ridiculous. What are you trying to say?”

Jerry glanced over at Genevieve who gave him a sharp look to continue. The lawyer reached into his briefcase and brought out what looked to be a lengthy contract. Carol’s eyes widened and she looked at Genevieve, but the woman refused to meet her gaze. 

“What is this?” Fred asked, gesturing to the contract. 

“An agreement that Ms. Ross will not be seen with Ms. Belivet in public and cause unwanted attention,” Jerry explained flatly. 

“Absolutely not,” Fred said, “Why would we agree to this?”

“Because Ms. Ross’s reputation is at stake too. What would people think about a woman who works regularly with the youth entertaining a romance with a woman so young?”

Carol almost stood up, “That’s absurd!” she exclaimed. 

Fred gently placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her, “Ms. Belivet is twenty-five and a legal adult. Your claim holds no substance. It is clear that your client just wants to prevent Ms. Ross from getting involved with someone else.”

“You shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss it Fred. People would have a fair reason to be worried about youth getting… preyed on,” Jerry warned. 

“You’re making some very bold claims here,” Fred’s eyes narrowed. 

“Think about it,” Jerry urged, “You don’t have to decide now.”

“I would hope not,” Fred huffed, “Are we done here?”

“Yes.”

“Ms. Ross and Ms. Cantrell, your marriage has officially been dissolved,” Fred said. 

Carol breathed for what felt like the first time in ten minutes, on the inside, however, she was still raging mad. How dare Genevieve threaten her with such claims and lies? Where had the respect they used to share gone? Genevieve and Jerry quietly got up and left the meeting room that they were in. Genevieve did not look at Carol even once on her way out. When she left, Carol slumped back into her chair and rubbed her temples. 

“Fred, what are we going to do?”

“It’s just an agreement Carol, they can’t make us sign it.”

“But I’m afraid about what they’ll do if we don’t. What they were saying sounded like a threat to me.”

Fred looked her directly in the eye, “You’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to worry about. Just leave it up to me okay?”

“Okay.”

\- - - - 

“He said what?!”

“I know.”

“Carol, I’m so sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

It was later in the day and Carol was at Therese's apartment. She had come over after the proceeding and brought some take out for the both of them. The two women were now eating their dinner on Therese’s couch and Carol had caught the woman up on what had happened earlier. The brunette’s eyes had widened like saucers when Carol told her about Genevieve blindsiding her with the contract. 

“But isn’t this all because of me?”

“No, of course not.”

Therese was silent and continued to push her food around in its container with her fork, her eyes down. Carol sighed and moved a bit closer to the woman. 

“Therese, look at me.”

The brunette reluctantly looked at Carol, green eyes meeting the blue. 

“This has nothing to do with you,” she reassured her, “It’s Genevieve punishing me, that’s all. It doesn’t change how I think or feel about you.”

“Okay, I believe you,” Therese said honestly. 

“Also, there’s better things to focus on,” Carol added.

“Like what?”

“The fact that I’m a free woman now!”

Therese grinned then raised an eyebrow, “Well, not completely free…”

Carol looked endearingly at the other woman, “No, you’re right.”

“So we can be together now? Officially?” Therese was hopeful.

“Yes of course. There’s nothing that I want more.”

The two finished their dinner and spent the next several hours just talking and spending time together. A newfound relaxation and comfortability washed over them. The pressure of Carol’s marital status was obviously not looming over their heads anymore and they were able to be with each other without guilt or worry. It felt normal and how it should be at the start of a new relationship or romance. Carol obviously had a lot of feelings about the divorce and what was going on with Geneveive, but those were overtaken by her pure excitement about Therese. 

Everyday the woman seemed to establish a more deep and permanent place in Carol’s heart and the blonde felt an overwhelming sense of happiness when she was with her. It was something that she hadn’t felt genuinely in so long and that she had taken for granted. She appreciated how comfortable she felt with Therese and how she didn’t feel the need to put on any sort of performance or persona. She could be herself completely and authentically and it was an incredibly refreshing feeling. 

The sun was long gone and the city could be seen glittering outside of Therese’s window. The brunette had limited lighting in her apartment, so part of Therese’s face was cast in shadows. A splash of light fell across her cheekbone and one eye as well as her lips. Carol felt like she was looking at a piece of art, one of Therese’s unseen paintings. A silence fell between them and Carol could hear the sound of her own breathing, of her thudding heart. Therese’s hand found its way into Carol’s and gave her a comforting and reassuring squeeze. Carol’s thumb started to move methodically over Therese’s knuckles, tracing them. Carol felt herself start to melt, release and relax. It was an uncontrollable feeling that mimicked the sensation of falling or flying through air. The surface of her skin increased in warmth and she was sure that Therese had also noticed. 

“It’s late,” Carol murmured, “I should go.”

“Do you want to go?” Therese’s voice was barely audible. 

Carol pressed her forehead against the other woman’s and inhaled deeply, “No.”

Several moments passed between them and Carol couldn’t tell if she was hearing her own breathing or Therese’s. A question lingered in the air that remained from being asked or answered. 

“Kiss me,” Therese breathed. 

Carol held Therese’s hand in both of her own, “Are you sure? I don’t want to rush you.”

“You’re not,” Therese assured her, “Carol, kiss me.”

Carol searched Therese’s eyes for any hesitation or worry and found neither. She gently raised her hands to cup the brunette’s face gently, leaned forward and pressed her lips against Therese’s. The woman’s lips were impossibly soft and warm, she felt heavenly. Therese sighed into Carol’s mouth and the blonde felt herself swoon. She stroked Therese’s cheekbone and parted her lips slightly, tasting the other woman. Therese’s hands found their way into Carol’s hair and pulled her even closer. 

Kissing Therese was unlike anything Carol had ever experienced. With Genevieve intimacy had always been replaced by something more animalistic, more physical and driven by lust. In only a kiss, Carol found herself sinking into the other woman and she had no desire to get herself out. A kiss had the power to conjure so much emotion in Carol, emotion that had been absent in her marriage and life in general. 

Eventually the two women came up for air and a tingling sensation remained across Carol’s lips. She painfully noticed the lack of warmth without Therese’s mouth against hers and she wondered how she’d ever survived without it to begin with. In front of her, Therese looked completely dazed, her eyes slightly blown and lips starting to become swollen. She looked absolutely beautiful and all Carol wanted to do was to pull the woman into another passionate embrace. 

“What are you thinking?” she asked Therese. 

“It’s never been like that for me. I’ve never felt that way,” Therese confessed. 

“Felt like what?”

Therese didn’t answer. A mischievous and delighted grin spread across her lips instead as she wrapped a hand around Carol’s neck and pulled her in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is MUCH more of a slow burn than some of my others I've realized... I hope you're still enjoying and hanging in there with me!


	17. Leap

“So I have something to tell you, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

“Dannie, you’re already off to a rough start,” Therese smiled at her boss while she cleaned the counters. It was almost the end of her shift and nearing closing hours for the store. 

“You’re right that sounded horrible,” Dannie cleared his throat, “So I was talking to my good friend Phil the other day, he owns a couple galleries in the city.”

Therese continued to clean, “Okay…?”

“He was talking to me about starting this new apprenticeship program. Setting up a large studio for aspiring artists to come work and experiment and meet other like minded people. He wants to find new talent and help them learn and hopefully help them make connections.”

“That sounds like a great opportunity,” Therese said.

“I thought so too,” Dannie agreed, “For you.”

Therese stilled, “What? I’m not sure, Dannie.”

“Therese if you don’t quit this job and take this offer… wow I bet you never thought you would hear an employer say that,” Dannie said with a laugh. 

“I don’t know if it’s right for me,” Therese said. 

“You are the most talented person who works here, yes I’m picking favorites. You’re so young and your art could take you so far, you don’t even realize it.”

Therese sighed, “Would this be a full time thing? I can’t afford to not work.”

“Phil is loaded,” Dannie assured her, “He understands how hard it is for artists to do what they want full time. He’s basically going to pay you to come and make things all day, everyday.”

“Well what does he get out of it?”

“The satisfaction of seeing fresh talent thrive. Also getting to claim that he was the one to find the next Banksy,” Dannie said, “He has enough other business ventures to supply his very generous income.”

A smile creeped across Therese’s face, “I have to say it does sound pretty amazing.”

Dannie looked satisfied, “So you’ll think about it?”

“Does he have a website or anything where I can read more?”

“Yes I’ll email you the link. Also I may or may have not already told him about you and gave him your information so expect a call or email in the coming days.”

“Dannie, what?!”

Dannie had a sneaky expression like a child about to do something bad, “He will probably want a portfolio so put some things together.”

“I can’t tell whether I feel mad or grateful right now,” Therese said through a dramatic scowl. 

Dannie drummed his hands on the counter, “You’ll thank me later Belivet!”

\- - - - 

It was later that night and Therese had dug out all her supplies and art things after weeks of them being put away or covered. When she had arrived home she’d gotten an email from Phil, like Dannie had said. It was brief, but included an introduction and an explanation about the apprenticeship. The man seemed excited to meet her and intrigued about her work. Going through all her things now was like taking a trip down memory lane or meeting an old friend after years apart. Therese felt that familiar tingle and itch in her hands that had been absent for so long, she wanted to create and make things. It was what she had always wanted to do and felt like she couldn’t as a result of external and financial factors. It was so often seen as a hobby by others but it was truly her passion, she cared about her work so much that it often terrified her and she knew this was a marker of a true artist. Making and creating art, wasn’t easy, she didn’t believe it should be, but this didn’t stop her from wanting to. Now faced with this opportunity, a world where she could get paid to do what she loved, she knew she couldn’t give it up no matter how scared she was. Her art had been one of the only constant things in her life and had brought her such happiness and peace during those dark and confusing times. 

Therese pulled out all the things she had made. All the paintings, drawings, ceramics, textiles, embroidery and photographs. She took pictures of all the pieces she was most proud of, making sure to emphasize the diversity of her work and ability. It was when she came across the paintings inspired by Carol, that she paused. They were undoubtedly some of the most beautiful and well crafted things she had made, she would be a fool not to include them in her portfolio. There was something so personal about them, however, even more so than her other creations. They were a part of Therese and she would be completely exposed and vulnerable by showing them to someone else. Screw it, she thought. She took pictures of the several pictures and included them in her response back to Phil. She pressed, “Send” before she lost her nerve. 

She continued with the rest of her night as normal, but felt excitement brewing deep within her. She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but this felt like the start of something big and important for her. This felt like she was on the right track, that this was what she was supposed to do. She genuinely thought that she wouldn’t hear back from Phil for days, that was how these things usually worked. This was why she was so alarmed when she received a reply right before she went to bed. With shaking hands she opened the email and read the message, it was brief and clear. 

“Those blue and gold paintings are absolutely magnificent! You’re in Therese Belivet and I definitely have my eye on you now. Cheers, Phil.”

\- - - - 

The next evening Therese had arrived at Abby’s apartment for what was hopefully to be a better dinner than her one at Carol’s old place with Genevieve. To be fair, she had no worries about the night. She was excited to see Abby, excited to see Carol and excited to tell both women about her new opportunity with Phil. She rang the doorbell and heard the best friend’s playful banter inside. 

“Really Abby? She’s my girlfriend!”

“And this is my apartment, Ross. Just deal with it!”

“You’re so infuriating sometimes.”

“And I’m being generous in letting you live here, so you better be nice to me.”

The door soon opened and Abby greeted her with one of her classic smiles, “Come in, Therese,” she said warmly. 

Therese grinned, “Thanks Abby. Were you two arguing over who should open the door?”

“Yes and I won,” Abby said, shooting a smug look over Therese’s head at Carol. 

Carol moved to stand by Therese, “It’s like I’m back in college again with an irritating roommate,” the blonde said in fake annoyance. 

“Well good news, soon we’ll be out of each other’s hair,” Abby said.

Therese looked at Carol, “You’re moving?”

Carol looked excited, “I think I may have found the perfect place for me. I’ll show you pictures later.”

“I’m going to go make sure the food isn’t burning,” Abby said suddenly and disappeared further into the apartment. 

Carol checked around the corner to make sure her friend was gone then looked at Therese, “Can I kiss you?” she asked. 

Therese smiled, “Of course.”

Carol moved closer and kissed Therese’s cheek before covering her lips with her own. They had kissed many times since that night on Therese’s couch, however, Therese still felt like every kiss they shared was their first one. The other woman was always so gentle and caring with her, Therese was always wonderfully overwhelmed by the intimate contact, but also by Carol’s kindness and considerate nature in general. After getting reacquainted with each other intimately, Therese got excited and gently pushed Carol against the wall by the door. The blonde let out a delighted gasp and threaded her hand through Therese’s hair. 

“I’m not going to be able to make it through dinner if you keep that up darling,” Carol murmured in between kisses. 

Therese flushed at the term of endearment and pulled back, “You’re right, we should go join Abby.”

Carol kissed her nose then took her hand. The couple joined Abby in the dining room where she was just setting down the plates. She poured a glass of water for them all and some wine for her and Carol. 

“This looks wonderful Abby,” Therese said as she sat down. 

“I’ve been seeing this redhead who owns a steakhouse outside of Paramus, so I’ve been trying to brush up on my cooking skills,” Abby said. 

“Well you haven’t burnt it so that’s a start,” Carol teased her friend. 

“Therese I don’t know how you put up with her,” Abby rolled her eyes playfully. 

The three all got settled into their seats. Carol draped her napkin across her lip and picked up the silverware, “Bon appetit!”

“What have you been up to Therese?” Abby asked as she cut into her food. 

“Oh, just work as usual,” Therese took a sip of her water, “But I did get some rather good news.”

“Do tell,” Abby encouraged her to go on. 

“My boss Dannie reached out to his friend who is very well regarded in the art industry, he owns several galleries across the city. Anyways he’s starting this apprenticeship program where he’s paying artists to come and learn and create. He wants to create connections and opportunities for up and coming talent.”

Carol was beyond proud, “Therese that’s amazing!”

Abby nodded, “It really is, are you going to contact him?”

“Well he actually already contacted me, yesterday . I sent him some pictures of my work and he said that he wants me to join.”

Both women looked overjoyed and incredibly supportive, “That sounds like a dream,” Abby said. 

“And you’ll be doing what you love and actually getting paid for it,” Carol added, “You must be ecstatic.”

Therese exhaled, “And also terrified, but mostly excited, yes.”

The three finished their dinner and migrated to Abby’s living room where Carol showed pictures of the place she was looking at. It was a brownstone in Brooklyn, surprisingly, but incredibly beautiful and historic in a neighbourhood full of sunshine and greenery. It was an unexpected choice, but seemed to fit Carol perfectly. It was like it was meant for her all the time, Therese could tell how excited the woman was about the move and fresh start. 

“Oh Carol it’s lovely,” Therese said as she thumbed through the pictures, “You’re going to have so much fun decorating it.”

“I’ll be sad that you’re not living in Manhattan anymore though,” Abby added. 

“You’re not getting rid of me that quickly,” Carol said, “Besides, it’s such an easy commute to get in and out of the city. Also I’m ready for a change of pace.”

“Have you put an offer in yet?” Therese asked. 

“My realtor has started to move in on it, the place is still fresh on the market so I’m hopeful!”

“It’s strange, you’ll be living alone for the first time in what, seven years?” Abby pointed out. 

“I know, it’s barely sunk in yet,” Carol observed, “But I’m feeling good. I don’t think I’m going to have a mid life crisis or anything.”

“That’s also because you’re nowhere near middle aged,” Therese said through a laugh. 

Carol gave her a grateful look, “Well it’s definitely how I feel sometimes.”

Abby gave her friend a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, “You’ve got a twenty-five year old lover so I think you’re fine in that department.”

Laughter erupted among the three women. 

\- - - - 

It was later that evening and Therese was just about to leave and head home. Abby had said her farewells and had silently slipped away into her bedroom leaving Carol and Therese some privacy. The couple were lingering in the doorway, hand in hand. Carol brought their intertwined hands to her lips and kissed Therese’s. 

“I’m so, so proud of you. I hope you are too,” the blonde said warmly. 

“Thank you Carol, it means a lot to me especially considering that you haven’t seen any of my work.”

“I don’t need to. If your art represents anything of your mind and spirit then I know it’s spectacular.” 

Therese felt like crying, she’d never had someone so unconditionally loving and supportive in her life like Carol. She felt incredibly lucky and grateful to have her. 

“I will show you one day, it’s just really hard not to be self critical sometimes.”

Carol squeezed her hand, “I would love to see it, but there’s no rush at all. You don’t owe me anything,” she reminded her. 

“I should go, it's late. You’ll call me?” Therese asked hopefully. 

“Of course. Let me know when you get home okay?”

Therese leaned forward and Carol met her in the middle with a kiss. They broke apart and Therese stepped into the hallway. 

“Goodnight darling,” Carol said before closing the apartment door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up!


	18. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready...

Only a couple weeks later Carol’s offer on her new place had been accepted and she was all moved in. Since Genevieve had kept all the furniture at her place Carol was starting from scratch in terms of her possessions and decorating, however, she didn’t mind. She felt powerful with this newfound autonomy in her life, she could make her own decisions for once about how she lived and in what condition. In between work and seeing Therese, she was visiting thousands of furniture stores and decor stores around the city. Genevieve had always had a taste for modern and clean design, but Carol wanted something different to fit the persona of her new place. The brownstone was warm and comforting with its high ceilings and beautiful detailing. She settled on an aesthetic that was strongly influenced by mid century modern decor, simple but interesting with lots of character. Soon enough the home was full of beautiful teak and oak pieces as well as a running theme of mustard and sage green. It was far from being finished but she was hopeful and excited about the direction it was headed in. 

It was a beautiful sunny day with summer just nearing the corner. Carol was sitting on her stoop with a cup of tea watching the morning activity in her new neighbourhood with a sense of peace and contentment. There were walkers, bikers, people with their dogs or in their cars. There was enough going on to provide casual entertainment without the street being loud or crowded. While Brooklyn undoubtedly was a thriving part of the city in its own respect, it still felt like a reprieve for Carol from the suffocating nature of Manhattan. Her own little oasis in the middle of the concrete jungle, the best of both worlds. 

Carol retrieved her cell phone from her pocket and dialed Therese’s number. The line rang twice then was picked up. 

“Hello?” the brunette’s voice greeted her. 

Carol smiled, “Are you free tonight?”

“For you? Of course.”

Carol could tell even without seeing Therese that the young woman that her eyes held that mischievous glint that Carol loved so much. She was delighted that over time the other woman had become more comfortable in the relationship and with her, she flirted with Carol openly and unashamedly now. 

“Would you like to come over then? The place is finally in a half decent state for guests.”

“I would love to.”

Carol fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, “You should probably bring an overnight bag too, I would hate to think about you commuting back to the city at night.”

There was an unspoken question in the offer and Carol hoped that Therese would pick up on it. Did the young woman understand what she was implying? She must, Carol thought, Therese was an intelligent woman, however, Carol didn’t want her to feel pressured or obligated to anything she wasn’t yet ready for. A pregnant pause hung over the line as Carol waited for an answer. 

There was a moment’s silence on Therese’s end before she spoke again, “Sounds good. I can’t wait to see you.”

The line went dead and Carol noticed that her breathing had noticeably increased in pace. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t excited about exploring a more physical relationship with Therese. Ever since they had started getting more intimate, Carol imagined what it would be like to make love to the young woman. She had never felt so emotionally connected to someone like she was with Therese and wondered how that sense of trust and understanding would extend to their sex life. She was under no time constraint and unlike some people, did not need sexual pleasure to feel her happiest or most whole, however, she was interested in introducing the subject matter with Therese. She wanted to know more about her experiences and what she was comfortable with in regards to exploring her sexuality with Carol. From what she understood, Therese had never been in a relationship with another woman and this undoubtedly brought up other possible concerns or insecurities on Therese’s side of things. 

Carol truly believed that conversation and communication made a relationship stronger in any area, but especially in regards to sex. The amount of times she would want to talk to Genevieve before they engaged in anything, but the woman was too demanding and impatient. People may call it, “boring” but Carol understood the importance of setting boundaries and safe words and understanding what your significant other actually wanted. Why have sex if you’re not going to enjoy it? If there was the opportunity to ensure the ultimate amount of pleasure for each person, why not have that conversation? Perhaps it was the social work and psychology parts of Carol’s mind at work here, but she didn’t care. This was a strong philosophy of hers that she extended towards the youth she talked to and that was severely lacking from her relationship with Genevieve. Sure their sex life had always been active and intense, but Geneveive rarely asked Carol what she wanted and only seeked her own pleasure. If Carol was to embark on that with Therese she wanted to make sure that they were both on the same page and that they had a safe space to discuss their worries and desires. 

Carol spent the remainder of her day setting more things up in her place and cleaning up a bit. By the time evening came around, the kitchen and living room were pretty much complete. She got dressed into a cropped pair of jeans and a simple sleeveless blouse and tied her hair up as usual. She came down to the kitchen and was just getting out the ingredients for dinner when her doorbell rang. She walked towards the door and pulled it open to reveal Therese on the other side, looking as lovely as ever in a pale green dress that was long with short sleeves as well as buttons running down the length of it. Therese’s dimples were on show and when she crossed the threshold she immediately walked into Carol’s arms and buried her face into the crook of Carol’s neck. 

“I missed you,” she heard the brunette murmur. 

Carol chuckled, “It’s only been a couple of days,” she said as she ran her fingers through Therese’s long locks. 

“I know,” Therese lifted her head and grinned at Carol, “Can I kiss you?”

Carol returned the grin, “I thought you’d never ask.”

Therese moved her arms so they were locked loosely around Carol’s neck and shoulders then rose on the tips of her toes to pull the blonde into a kiss. Carol wrapped a hand around Therese’s waist and pulled the woman closer, tucking her body into the curve of her own. Carol would gladly let herself be taken away by the dance that ensued every time they kissed, the heartracing movements and tastes and sounds. It felt almost like a privilege to kiss her, the woman was like some sort of otherworldly creature in Carol’s hands, breathtaking and dazzling. She could barely get through one of their kisses without becoming breathless, how would she fare if they ventured even further? 

“I swear I didn’t come here just for this,” Therese said in between kisses, making Carol giggle.

“I wouldn’t be mad if you did darling.”

“I like it when you call me that,” Therese blushed.

Carol leaned back, “Do you?”

Therese’s eyes sparkled, “Yes.”

“Well,” Carol lowered her voice, “That’s that.”

Therese looked behind Carol into the kitchen, “Were you making dinner?”

“Was just about to start, would you like to help? Or I can give you a tour first?” Carol offered. 

“I can wait on the tour,” Therese said, “It looks beautiful though, from what I’ve seen.”

“Well I promise the rest of it is even more interesting than the doorway,” Carol winked at her, “Shall we?”

Therese put down her things then the two got to work in Carol’s kitchen making dinner. Carol put a record on her vinyl player and dug out aprons for the both of them. Therese’s was too big for her and the young woman looked irresistible, Carol thought as she helped to prepare the food, her face a picture of focus. It was things like this, moments like this that filled Carol with so much happiness and gratitude. The casual intimacy and sense of ease as well as how such a simple ritual of preparing food took on a higher meaning when it was shared with those you loved. Carol loved how Therese and her could be seemingly doing nothing, but that it was always enjoyable and exciting. They didn’t need spectacle or extravagance to entertain them or keep them fulfilled, they truly just enjoyed each other’s company and being together in general. It was because of this, that Carol knew Therese was right for her, that they were compatible in so many ways. 

“Here, try the sauce,” Carol said, holding out a spoonful towards Therese, her hand hovering underneath to catch any spillage. 

Therese’s mouth closed delicately around the spoon as she tasted the sauce, “Oh, it’s delicious!”

Carol was pleased, but noticed that there was a bit that remained on the corner of Therese’s mouth. 

“You have some…” She leaned forward and wiped it off with her thumb. 

Therese blushed, “Thank you.”

Carol turned slightly and licked off the remnants, unaware that Therese’s eyes were on her the entire time, alert, curious and slightly scandalized.

They plated their food and sat down to what was Carol’s first proper dinner in her new home. Music was playing, the evening light was gorgeous coming through the bay windows, Therese was here, Carol couldn’t be happier. 

“Are you excited for your apprenticeship to start?” Carol asked after they had started eating. 

“Oh yes,” Therese gushed, “My last shift at the art store is in a couple of days.”

“Dannie is surely going to mourn your loss.”

“Yes, I’ll miss him. He’s been a good friend,” Therese reflected. 

“During these studio hours are you free to do whatever you want? Do you have to stick to one medium or work towards creating something cohesive?” Carol asked. 

“Phil has been in contact with all of us and it looks like he’s wanting to put whatever we’ve made into a show at one of his galleries at the end of the summer. As a showcase of sorts. So we do have something to work towards but I don’t think he’s going to micromanage our choices, he’s there as a mentor and to encourage us.”

“Your face lights up when you talk about it,” Carol observed, “It’s like the sun coming out.”

Therese blushed and continued to eat her food. Carol felt almost proud that she had such an effect on the young woman. She liked catching her off guard pleasantly and making her smile, in the end she was always the one to reap the benefits. She didn’t care what she did as long as Therese’s dimples were always on show for the world to see. 

It was after dinner that Carol showed Therese the rest of her new place. The brunette voiced her thoughts about how the brownstone seemed to suit Carol more than her penthouse with Genevieve ever did. She observed how more at ease Carol seemed here and the blonde couldn’t agree more. The tour eventually came to a close as they reached the last room, Carol’s bedroom. 

There wasn’t much to Carol’s room so far, she had her bed set up, but no covers yet for her duvet or pillows which were plain white. There was a small seating area by the window and a modest ensuite attached. It was just a room, but given recent events, actions and conversations it stood for something bigger, something more significant. A thick kind of tension filled the space and air between them that wasn’t necessarily hostile or negative, but it was palpable and electric. Carol chanced a look at Therese and was surprised to see the apparent lust and desire that was splayed across the woman’s face. Any sense of hesitancy or nervousness was absent, this was the most confident and forthcoming Therese had ever appeared in front of her and Carol wasn’t sure how to feel. She was worried about rushing into something and ruining the moment, she wanted this to be special for Therese. 

The brunette moved closer to Carol who slowly swallowed, “Darling we should talk before… before anything happens.”

“Okay,” Therese moved over towards Carol’s bed and sat down. 

Carol followed and found a spot next to her. Therese took Carol’s hands in her own and held them in her lap. 

“We haven’t talked much about sex or our physical relationship. I think it’s important to share some of our experiences and what we are and are not comfortable with,” Carol explained. 

Therese appeared understanding and compliant, “What do you want to know?”

“When was the last time you had sex?” Carol asked simply. 

“It was with Richard, so over a year ago. I didn’t enjoy sex with him though, I always avoided it.”

“Do you want to tell me why?”

Therese took a deep breath, “He was really rough and aggressive. He never asked me what I wanted and assumed that if he liked it I would. He’s the only person I’ve been intimate with and I think my experience with him just turned be away from sex in general.”

Carol didn’t want the other woman to feel like she was being interviewed or interrogated, she wanted this to be a conversation, but she also found it worked better when questions were asked plainly, without ambiguity. 

“Do you ever pleasure yourself?”

She noticed that the heat of Therese’s hands increased, “No. I’ve tried multiple times since Richard and I broke up, but it’s usually… unsuccessful.” 

“Do you typically enjoy it?”

“Sometimes. I’ve never been super… experimental with my sexuality. I was never really curious about it growing up.”

“So this would be your first time with a woman?”

“Yes, but I’ve been attracted to women before,” Therese admitted. 

This surprised Carol, “Really?”

“Yeah, I don’t think I realized it at the time, but I have. You were the first one I’ve ever had actual feelings for though.”

Carol moved her hand to Therese’s cheek and stroked it gently, “I want you to feel safe with me, that you can say anything without fearing a negative reaction.”

Therese’s green eyes were open, honest, “I do feel safe with you Carol. I’ve never really had a strong desire for… for this. But with you it’s different.”

“What can I do to make sure you’re comfortable? Is there anything specific that might bring up a bad memory or anything traumatic?” Carol wanted to cover all her bases.

Therese contemplated for a moment, “I can’t think of anything now, it’s been so long, but I’ll tell you in the moment if there is. I promise.”

A silence fell over them, thick with yearning and question. Carol was trying to process everything and there was something, she wasn’t sure what, that was holding her back. Preventing her from being fully in the moment and present with Therese. A reassuring and grounding squeeze from Therese’s hands brought her back and out of her thoughts. 

“Carol, are you nervous?” Therese asked softly, “What are you thinking?”

It was the question that they continued to ask each other in turn, “I just want this to be special, I want you to enjoy it, no, more than enjoy it.”

Therese’s face held so much empathy, “Carol, what about you? Are you going to enjoy it?”

Carol felt a single tear slip onto her cheek and Therese quickly wiped it away with her hand. 

“You’ve been so good about asking me all these questions and making sure I’m comfortable, but I get a feeling that no one has asked you this before,” Therese said. 

Carol felt a realization hit her in the chest like a bullet to the heart. It was piercing and alarming and confronting. Therese had forced her to confront feelings and emotions and fears and insecurities that were buried deep within her, that she didn’t want to face. That she refused to face. She started to laugh through her tears as she felt a weight lift off her and a lightness re enter her chest. 

“I guess I’ve never been that great at taking my own advice,” she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, “I need to start setting a better example for the people I talk to.”

“You’re human, Carol. No one expects you to be perfect. Just because you’re emotionally intelligent and aware doesn’t mean that you’re expected to have a hold on everything in your life,” Therese said. 

Carol held Therese’s face in both of her hands, “You know you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met right?”

“I could say the same about you.”

“Carol, what do you want? What is it you need?” Therese asked her, honestly. 

Carol looked into Therese’s eyes and fell into the woman’s gaze, “I want you, Therese.”  
Therese leaned forward and kissed her, really kissed her. It was a kiss that Carol felt throughout her entire body, in every nerve and every cell. It was a kiss that held such affection and care that Carol wanted to start crying again. 

“Carol?” Therese breathed against her lips. 

“Yes darling?”

“Take me to bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in the next chapter, don't worry ;)


	19. Expose

“Carol?”

“Yes darling?”

“Take me to bed.”

Carol didn’t hesitate this time. Therese had made her motive clear and the blonde complied. Carol gently pushed her back onto the bed so Therese was fully lying down, her head cushioned by the pillows. Carol continued to kiss her, she’d kiss her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids, her neck and throat. The woman’s lips were sumptuous and soft, her breath warm and sweet tasting. It was like Therese was melting, her body becoming actual liquid under Carol’s touch. Carol wasn’t frantic or clumsy, she moved with purpose and care, she was tender and passionate in her attention. Therese felt her everywhere, but it still wasn’t enough. She wanted more. 

Her own hands found the buttons on her dress and started to make their way down, swiftly undoing the front of it. Carol’s eyes started to darken, the already deep blue hue becoming richer like the ocean. The blonde halted her movements until Therese had finished and shrugged herself out of the dress. She wasn’t wearing a bra, there was only modest underwear underneath. Therese held her breath as Carol’s hand found her ribcage and softly stroked the skin there. 

“I never looked like that,” Carol murmured through hazy eyes. 

Therese’s hands made their way into Carol’s hair and pulled the woman back down to her. Carol’s tongue probed at Therese’s lips and she parted them, allowing the woman entrance. Once Carol had access her tongue started to conduct a series of marvelous and sensuous movements that Therese felt deep within her core. Carol’s confidence and experience made Therese feel safe and less insecure, Carol knew what to do, she would take care of her. 

“I want to see you too,” Therese whispered looking at Carol’s still clothed body. 

An emotion passed over Carol’s eyes before her hands found the hem of her blouse and pulled it over her head gracefully. She sat up on the bed and undid her pants, sliding them off her legs before returning to Therese. Therese reached up and reached behind Carol, her hands hovering over the clasp of her bra. 

“May I?” she asked. 

“Please,” Carol encouraged her, obviously eager to have the offending material removed. 

Therese released the clasp and let Carol’s bra fall to the floor. She actually had to prevent her jaw from dropping as she took in Carol exposed for her. Was this woman actually real? She looked nothing like Therese had ever seen, or had ever looked like herself. The curves and dips in her body were pronounced and alluring. The only word Therese had to describe her collarbone and neck was elegant and the woman’s shoulders and arms held a delicate strength. Her breasts were full and had a mature weight to them, the nipples a delicate rose colour. Carol was beautiful and all Therese could think of was how much she wanted to paint her, to commit the image of her to something physical forever. 

“You’re magnificent,” Therese said. 

Carol took one of Therese’s hands and placed it on her breast. Therese gasped with pleasure as she felt the woman so intimately. She thought Carol’s lips were soft, but all of her was. Carol let out a breathy moan at the contact and all Therese wanted in that moment was to continue to bring the woman pleasure. 

“What do you want, Therese?” Carol asked her in a low voice. 

“Touch me,” Therese pleaded. 

Carol gave her another numbing kiss then moved down Therese’s body. Her lips grazed her jawline, her throat and collarbone. Her eyes flitted back up to Therese’s periodically, watching her reaction and checking for permission and consent. When her lips were hovering just inches over Therese’s breasts, Carol looked up at her. 

Therese nodded emphatically at her, “Yes.”

Carol captured one of Therese’s breasts in her mouth and Therese’s hand found the sheets beneath her and gripped firmly. A moan escaped Therese’s mouth and she subconsciously clapped a hand over her mouth, feeling embarrassed. 

The blonde noticed and smiled at Therese, “You can be vocal darling,” the woman’s warm hands were still tenderly massaging Therese’s breasts.   
“Richard never liked it,” Therese muttered. 

Carol cocked an eyebrow, “Well I do,” she moved up and gave Therese a kiss, “It actually turns me on,” she said hotly in Therese’s ear. 

Therese was pleasantly flustered and a salacious grin spread across Carol’s mouth. She returned her attention to Therese’s body and made her way down her torso. She kissed Therese’s stomach repeatedly and lovingly held onto her hips. The contact was wonderful, but Therese was made aware of the slickness that had appeared between her thighs. She couldn’t remember the last time her body had responded in this way, as she felt some wetness slide down the inside of her leg. Carol had also noticed and Therese saw the woman’s chest start to heave. Therese hooked a finger under her underwear and pulled it off, throwing it off the bed. She was slightly nervous about exposing herself to Carol in this way, but she knew she had nothing to fear. The woman was looking at her and her body with such appreciation and care that it warmed Therese’s heart, she felt safe. 

Therese bent her legs slightly, her knees touching. Carol’s hands slowly slid from Therese’s hips and up her thighs to her knees. She kissed the skin there and continued to maintain eye contact with Therese, her eyes searching. 

“Is this okay?” Carol asked. 

Therese had started to squirm, her patience starting to dissipate. She needed Carol. 

“Carol… please.”

Carol parted Therese’s legs with her hands and Therese saw the blonde head disappear between them. Therese’s eyes widened, Richard had never done this for her before, not that she had ever asked him to, she was always too frightened. Just the thought of Carol’s experienced mouth on her sex, made her start to perspire, her eagerness heightened. Carol’s hands found a resting spot near where her thighs ended and her bum protruded and squeezed. 

Therese was about to tell Carol that she couldn’t wait anymore when she felt a warm, wet tongue graze her inner thigh. Therese felt her body start to shake as the the blonde made her way up towards Therese’s sex, leaving a hot trail with her tongue. When Carol finally made contact with Therese’s folds, Therese began to tremble, a delicious wave of pleasure washing over her. 

“You’re trembling,” Carol said from between Therese’s legs. 

“Please don’t stop,” Therese was barely able to get the words out, her body succumbing to Carol’s ministrations. 

“Christ, Therese, you taste amazing,” Carol said in a husky voice which made Therese shiver.   
The woman continued with her intimate attention and exploration of Therese’s body. Any reservations or nervousness that Therese felt before had disappeared, all she could concentrate on was the all consuming feeling that was running through the course of her being. She had never felt like this before, not with Richard, not even on her own. When Carol entered her with her tongue, Therese threw an arm back to brace herself on the bed’s headboard. Her hip’s lifted up abruptly and Carol’s tender hold was the only thing keeping her grounded and somewhat stationary. When Therese climaxed for her first time with Carol, it was like she was floating, or glowing. A wonderful tingling sensation fell over her both internally and externally and she felt a tightness release from her chest and core. Carol continued to taste and probe until she had made sure Therese was down from her high. Afterwards she crawled back up the length of Therese’s body and kissed her deeply. Therese could taste her own aroma across Carol’s face and it was strangely satisfying. 

“That was incredible,” Therese said, obviously breathless, “No one’s ever done that for me.”

“Then they don’t know what they’re missing,” Carol hummed. She brushed some of Therese’s hair out of her face. 

“Is it always like that?” Therese inquired. 

Carol smiled, “When it’s right, yes. It’s always good when you’re with someone you trust.”

Therese threw her arms around Carol’s neck and pulled her down, leaving kisses all over her face. 

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Carol chuckled, “Do you want more?”

Therese felt herself wet again at Carol’s words. The blonde looked down and saw that her thigh was glistening from Therese’s arousal. 

The blonde smirked and pressed her body against Therese’s, “I guess that’s a yes then,” she rolled her hips into Therese’s and made her moan, “What would you like, darling?”

Therese grabbed Carol’s wrist and guided her hand between her legs. Carol’s eyes never left her face, “Are you sure?”

Therese nodded, “Just go slow.”

Carol kissed her then slowly eased a finger in, carefully watching Therese’s expression. Therese exhaled when the blonde was fully inside and allowed herself a moment to adjust. After she got used to the unfamiliar presence she started to move, roll her hips in smooth motions, Carol maintaining the rhythm with her. Her eyes fluttered closed as she felt her pleasure start to build and momentarily thought of Richard, how roughly he used to enter her like she was his property. When she opened her eyes, however, Richard was not above her, but Carol.   
The older woman looked like her thoughts were racing, “I’m here Therese, you’re safe,” she pressed her forehead to Therese’s. 

Carol continued to kiss her forehead and cheeks. After some time Therese grabbed Carol’s wrist again and the woman stilled. 

“Two,” Therese requested, clearly. 

Carol complied and slid another finger inside her. Therese gasped and leaned up to kiss Carol, moaning into her mouth. The blonde slowly increased her pace, her other arm wrapped around Therese’s shoulders. 

“Therese… you feel… oh my god I can’t even describe how you feel,” Carol said in between multiple kisses. 

“Carol, I’m-”

“-Come for me darling.”

\- - - - 

Therese didn’t remember falling asleep, but sometime later her eyes were squinting open to see sun creeping into Carol’s bedroom, casting rays over the bed. Therese felt a delicious soreness across most of her body, but especially between her legs serving as a pleasant reminder of last night’s activities. Therese couldn’t help but smile as she recalled it all, when had she ever felt this free, this truly happy? Carol’s arms were draped loosely around her, their legs intertwined. Therese managed to twist in the woman’s hold and look at her face, partly covered by locks of golden hair. She looked beautiful as always, but even more so with the sun across her face. 

She wondered if the woman was truly asleep, her question quickly answered when Carol’s hold around her tightened and she hummed at the back of her throat. 

“I can tell that you’re staring,” Carol said with her eyes still closed, but her mouth had turned up at the corners. 

“It’s hard not to stare,” Therese admitted, “I can’t say I’ve ever woken up in bed with such a beautiful woman before.”

Carol’s gaze was magnetic and mysterious as always, “You’re an angel, you know that?”

“Thank you,” Therese said gratefully, “For last night.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Therese.”

“No, I do,” Therese held Carol’s hand in her own, “It meant a lot to me. I never thought I would feel comfortable again to expose myself like that to someone again. But I feel so safe with you Carol, truly.”

Carol’s eyes were shiny, “I’m so glad.”

Therese rolled over so she was lying on top of Carol. She folded her hands and placed them on Carol’s chest, smiling at the other woman. 

“You’ve done me in, Therese.”

It was early afternoon when Therese was on her way back home. Carol and her had spent most of their morning in bed then Carol had made her a late breakfast. It had been a wonderful time and Therese was on cloud nine, things couldn’t be any better. She felt like they had connected on a level deeper than just sex or physical pleasure. Another, more permanent degree of trust had formed between them and it was after last night that Therese knew that Carol really respected her. She dared to wonder if this was it, if Carol was the one for her. 

Perhaps it was because of this fantastic mood, however, that she had been so unprepared. When she got back to her apartment and walked up the stairs to her floor and saw a woman standing by her door, she was taken aback. At first she thought they were waiting for someone else, or that they were at the wrong unit, but when the woman turned she knew that she was wrong. 

“Hello Therese,” Genevieve greeted her.


	20. Truth

“Hello Therese.”

Genevieve’s voice was cold as ice and her eyes held no signs of friendliness or politeness. She was here with a mission, a predator determined to stalk and kill their prey. She was dressed immaculately as always, not a piece of white blonde hair out of place. Therese knew that her dress was likely creased and her hair was messy, it was almost impossible not to compare herself. Therese couldn’t lie, she was terrified of the woman in general and this was emphasized by the fact that she was alone, however, the times had changed. It was like she had been working to this interaction through her sessions in therapy and her continued research into her self growth. She refocused her mindset and tried to relax her body, she didn’t want Genevieve to have the upper hand with her, she wanted to hold her ground with the woman. 

“Genevieve, this is a surprise.”

The woman inclined her head towards the door, “Can I come in?”

Therese was blunt, “No.”

If Genevieve was surprised or taken aback, it didn’t show across her face, “Fine, this won’t take long anyways.”

“Why are you here?” Therese wanted to cut to the chase, she didn’t want to have to entertain this conversation for longer than she had to. 

A rather condescending glint appeared in Genevieve’s eye, “I didn’t expect such a hostile reaction from you.”

“Well I can’t say that you’ve been overly kind to me in the times we’ve seen each other.”

“I would apologize, but I’m not sorry. If you were in my position you would understand.”

Therese wanted to laugh, “I really don’t think I would.”

Genevieve was obviously annoyed at how well Therese was handling all of this, “Anyways. I want you to stay away from Carol.”

“Carol isn’t married anymore Genevieve, she can do whatever she wants to.”

“I could care less about the fact we’re divorced, that doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change how I feel about her.”

Therese crossed her arms, “And how do you feel about her exactly? Because from the outside everything you do seems to be a power grab. You want control, to control her.”

Therese saw that Genevieve’s hands had clenched into fists, “You know nothing about me and you know nothing about my relationship with Carol. We have eight years of history behind us,” she warned. 

“Carol’s told me enough.”

Genevieve threw her head back and laughed, but it was a bitter sound, “Oh she has? You do realize that you’re just a pitstop, only a moment in her life. This isn’t going to last.”

“If you are so concerned about losing Carol you would have treated her better when you actually had her,” Therese said underneath my breath. 

“Christ,” Genevieve came closer, “You know you’ve got some fucking nerve to be saying stuff like that.”

Therese took a couple steps back, “If you lay a hand on me I’ll scream, the walls in this apartment building are very thin.”

“I’m not going to attack you, Therese.”

“I wouldn’t have been surprised if you did.”

Genevieve cocked her head, “What has Carol told you exactly?”

“That you didn’t just hurt her emotionally.”

This struck a nerve within the woman, “I want you to leave her immediately. I don’t want you to contact her.”

“Why would I do that, you’ve given me absolutely no reason,” Therese countered. 

“I will make sure that Carol’s career and reputation is ruined. She won’t be able to go anywhere without being painted as a predator,” Genevieve threatened. 

“You wouldn’t actually do that.”

“I would.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to prove a point.”

Therese took a deep breath, “And that’s where you and I are different. Why will we will never understand each other.”

This wasn’t the response Genevieve had expected, “What do you mean?”

“If you actually loved Carol you would understand how much that would crush her, she would never under any circumstances forgive you. Any respect she holds for you still would be gone.”

Genevieve was speechless for once, trying to compose herself and gather her words, “So you’re saying that you love her?” she sounded doubtful. 

It was a question that Therese hadn’t been prepared for, however, now that it had arrived she was confident in her answer and didn’t have to think about it, “Yes, I do love her. And if you do, like you say you do, you’ll leave her alone.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Genevieve admitted. 

Before Therese was able to respond, the woman walked past her and down the stairs. Therese could hear her heels clack against the steps, but any evidence of Genevieve Cantrell was gone in moments. Therese threw an arm out to brace herself against the wall as she caught her breath, chest heaving like she had just run a marathon. She felt shocked and overwhelmed, however, none of the usual physical or mental symptoms took over. Therese didn’t feel herself falling into a panic attack for once, she had held her ground and taken control over the situation as well as her own body and emotions. She didn’t even allow herself the time to congratulate herself or celebrate as she had already pulled out her phone and dialed Carol’s number. 

\- - - - 

[Carol]

Shortly after Therese had left in the afternoon, Abby arrived on Carol’s doorstep for a catch up. Carol had barely gotten herself together in regards to her appearance, her hair was unbrushed and there were probably several hickeys all over her neck, but she could care less. She did change out of her robe, however, into a long pair of denim shorts and a t- shirt so she looked somewhat presentable, knowing that Abby would tease her anyways. 

When she opened the door to find her best friend on the other side, Abby gave her one look over before breaking into a giant grin, “Someone looks like they’ve been laid,” she said smugly before stepping into Carol’s home. 

“I can always count on you to speak the elephant in the room Abigail,” Carol said, closing the door. 

Abby made herself comfortable on Carol’s couch and patted the seat next to her, “Tell me all about it.”

“You know it may surprise you, but some people actually like to maintain some privacy in their lives,” Carol teased her as she sat down. 

“Carol, I’ve known you for what? Twenty, thirty years? Spill. You’re not getting out of this one.”

“Oh Abby,” Carol relaxed into her couch, “It was wonderful. It was everything I’d hoped it would be.”

“Was she nervous?”

“I think I was more nervous than she was. I’d put so much pressure on myself to make it special for her.”

Abby looked sympathetic, “That girl is head over heels for you, you know that right? I’m sure it would have been special for her no matter what.”

“She seemed like she enjoyed it,” Carol admitted, “It was her first time with a woman.”

“And with Carol Ross of all women.”

“You nitwit.”

Abby laughed, “In all seriousness Carol, I’m really happy for you. You look happy, that’s what's most important.”

Carol smiled, “I do feel happy, I feel great actually.”

Abby tilted her head and looked at her, almost as if she was trying to figure something out. 

“What?” Carol asked, almost self consciously. 

“Are you in love with her?” Abby asked. 

“I feel put on the spot,” Carol said through a nervous laugh. 

Abby’s eyes widened, “Your face says it all.”

“I am, I can’t even deny it,” Carol shook her head, “I’m completely in love with her.”

Abby looked genuinely excited for her, “Have you told her?!”

“No,” Carol said quickly, “I debated telling her last night, but I didn’t want her to think I said it just because we had sex.”

Abby shrugged, “That’s understandable, but I feel like that step was one of the last for you both. You’ve already been through so much emotionally and with Gen already.”

“That is true,” Carol agreed, “We’ve only known each other for a couple of months, but it feels like it’s been years.”

“Maybe that’s a sign,” Abby pointed out, “That it’s meant to be.”

“Perhaps, it’s a contrast to how it was with Gen because despite the fact we’d known each other for years it often felt like we were strangers.”

“You’re just so relaxed,” Abby said it like she was in shock, “I mean look at you! You’re practically glowing.”

“Is it bad that a part of me thinks that something horrible is going to happen soon?”

“I never pegged you to be a cynic.”

“I’m not, but I’m just constantly worried that there’s something around the corner, waiting to pounce or something.”

“That’s just your paranoia, that’s perfectly normal. You’re finally divorced and with the woman you want to be with, you probably think you’re going to wake up one day to discover it was all a dream.”

“As always, you know exactly what I’m thinking, Abby,” Carol said endearingly, “How’s everything going with you and that redhead of yours?”

The conversation changed gears and Abby launched into telling Carol about her recent escapades with Jeanette, her new fixation. In history, Abby had been content with casual dating and open relationships, not set on settling down with one person. Jeanette, however, had seemed to turn that around for her, Abby was truly smitten and Carol was overjoyed for her friend. Their romance was only at its beginning, but it was still an exciting and thrilling time for the both of them. 

Carol wasn’t sure how much time had passed while they sat in her living room talking, but she was suddenly made aware of her phone which was incessantly vibrating. She picked it up and saw Therese’s name displayed across it, a feeling of worry sinking in her immediately. 

“It’s Therese,” she told Abby before answering the call. 

“Is everything okay, darling?” she asked. 

There was a pause on the other line and Carol heard Therese slowly swallow, “Everything’s okay, well not really.”

Carol grew even more concerned, “What happened?”

“I got back to my building and Genevieve was waiting for me. We had a lovely, civil chat and I wouldn’t be surprised if she showed up on your doorstep soon too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to take a bit of a break before I come back and post the last few chapters, should be all up before the holidays! Stay safe you lot xo


	21. Past

Therese’s warning to Carol became a reality only a couple days later. Carol genuinely thought that her ex wife would seek her out immediately following her conversation with Therese, but perhaps she was taken aback, angry or scared. When Therese had recounted their interaction to her, Carol wasn’t surprised in the slightest about Genevieve’s behaviour, the woman always had a competitive and jealous streak in her that was coming forth even more as a result of the divorce. She was incredibly touched, however, by Therese’s reaction and overall handling of the unfortunate situation, she was truly improving and making great strides in regards to her mental health and Carol felt extremely grateful that the young woman had defended her honour then. 

Carol had just been leaving Juvenescence after a normal day of work, when she saw the platinum blonde waiting for her just outside the entrance. The few weeks separation had already left an impact on Carol as it felt like she was encountering her ex wife for the first time. Carol wasn’t the star stunned, impressionable twenty-seven year old anymore though. It was like Genevieve was a completely different person to who she was in their long relationship, or perhaps Carol just had a wider perspective now. She looked immaculate as always, in a long red dress and black heels, her hair perfectly straight. The aesthetic charm worked against her, however, as all Carol could see or focus on was her intense intimidation and controlling nature that overshadowed her strategic beauty. 

“We need to talk,” Genevieve said when Carol approached her. 

“Where do you want to go?”

“I have a place in mind,” Genevieve immediately started to walk away, almost assuming that Carol would follow. 

The walk was brief, but it felt much longer because of the tense silence between the two women. Carol was never one to resort to passive aggressiveness or sharp words, she was typically fairly level headed, however, she had no desire to make small talk or engage in niceties with Genevieve, she was ready for this charade to end for good. 

She was surprised when they eventually arrived at their destination, the bar where they met those many years ago. It seemed too sentimental a choice for Genevieve’s tastes, but perhaps she was hoping that the nostalgia and ingrained history would influence Carol. They sat down at a booth in the back, that was removed from the activity and chatter. Genevieve ordered a drink for herself, but Carol just requested water, she needed a clear head for this. 

“I saw Therese the other day-”

“-I know.”

“Of course,” Genevieve scoffed, “That girl is obsessed with you.”

“I would prefer if we didn’t discuss Therese right now,” Carol said, “Or is that all you wanted to talk about?”

“I want to talk about us,” Genevieve emphasized. 

Carol sighed, “Genevieve we’re divorced, what more do you want to talk about? I doubt that you’re here to say that you want to be friends. I need closure, we can’t keep on doing this.”

Genevieve reached across the table, most likely in hopes to grab her hand, but Carol slid hers off the table and put it in her lap. 

The other blonde took a deep breath, “I will drop this Carol, I promise I’ll move on, if you can tell me that you absolutely don’t have any feelings for me anymore,” Geneveive said in a low voice. 

That wasn’t what Carol was expecting, “Gen, are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not a fair question.”

“Not fair, or not easy for you to answer?” Genevieve countered. 

“You know what my answer is going to be and you’re going to make your own assumptions about it regardless,” Carol pointed out. 

“You’re avoiding it Carol, just be honest with yourself. You’re still in love with me,” Genevieve said plainly.

Carol couldn’t believe what she was hearing, the woman was clearly delusional, “I’m not in love with you Gen, that’s just what you want to hear. I’ll always care for you given our history, but I don’t have romantic feelings for you anymore,” she said gently. 

The other woman looked genuinely crushed, Carol couldn’t quite tell whether her ex wife was about to start shouting or burst into tears. Carol had single handedly demolished what little hope remained inside Genevieve and she wondered if now, the woman would actually start to accept their situation and move on. 

“Were you ever in love with me?” Genevieve asked quietly. 

Carol was taken aback, she had never seen the woman so small, so defeated before, “Of course I was.”

“You’ve never cared for me like you care for Therese.”

This time Carol reached across the table and took Genevieve’s in her own, “Gen, it’s completely different, there’s no use in making comparisons.”

A tear actually slipped from Genevieve’s eye this time, Carol couldn’t remember the last time she saw the woman cry. Had she ever seen her cry at all? The stony facade had cracked and revealed the vulnerability and insecurity that Genevieve actually deeply held. The feelings and emotions that she so often was afraid of letting come forth. 

“It’ll be no surprise to you that I’ve been in denial through all of this, not just the divorce, long before that,” Genevieve admitted, “I knew from the beginning that something was going on with you. I didn’t know what, but you were distracted constantly, your mind elsewhere. It made me insanely jealous to know that someone else held your attention over me. I wasn’t even that mad at the start, I thought perhaps the further you got you would become more guilty then leave it. That you would come back to me.”

Genevieve took a shaky breath, “I know that our relationship and marriage hasn’t been ideal always, or what you had imagined. I just knew the moment I met you that I had to have you. You’re the kindest person I know and have ever known Carol and I knew it was only a matter of time before someone else met you and swept you off your feet. My biggest fear was always that one day you would wake up and realize that I’m not good enough for you, that you deserve so much more.”

Carol felt her heart breaking, “Oh Gen…”

“And you do deserve better Carol. Someone unselfish and understanding, someone… well someone like Therese,” Genevieve said through a watery smile. 

“Gen, those years weren’t a waste of time to me. Yes we should have had this conversation sooner, but I don’t have any regrets. Maybe we were always meant to be just a moment in each other’s lives,” Carol explained. 

“It’s terrible that you don’t realize how much something or someone means to you until they’re gone,” Genevieve said, “I’m going to move on and leave you alone Carol, I want you to be happy, but I’m sure I’ll be spending a while kicking myself over all the things I did.”

Carol squeezed Genevieve’s hand, “It wasn’t just you, we both could have done better, could have communicated more. But it’s in the past now and there’s no use in digging it all back up again. And maybe one day, a while from now we could be friends?”

Genevieve’s eyes met Carol’s and for once she felt like there was a genuine feeling of understanding and respect between them. She wondered if this was one of the first productive and honest conversations they’d ever had. 

Genevieve smiled, “I’d like that.”

\- - - - 

“Well this is a surprise.”

“A good one, I hope.”

“It always is, when I get to see you.”

“Let me in before you start flirting with me, darling.”

Therese giggled and pulled Carol into her apartment from the hallway before shutting the door behind them. Carol put her jacket and coat down before turning around to see Therese looking at her expectantly, green eyes wide. 

“Kiss me,” Therese said. 

Carol’s hands found their way around the brunette’s waist and she kissed her softly, slowly. Therese’s breath was always so incredibly warm and sweet tasting, her tongue soft. Their intimacy was familiar and safe, but also heart racing and breathtaking to Carol. She doubted the possibility of them ever tiring of each other, every encounter felt like the first with the same electricity and excitement and not only in regards to their sex life. 

“How was your last day at work?” Carol asked when they finally pulled away from each other. 

“Strangely gratifying. Dannie said he’d never seen me smile so much during a shift,” Therese said through a laugh. 

“Moving onto something new,” Carol mused, “It must be so exciting.”

Therese looked concerned, “Are you alright? You look like you have something on your mind.”

“Genevieve was waiting for me after work,” Carol explained, “I just came from having a conversion with her.”

Therese led Carol over to her couch and the two women sat down, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was actually quite civil. She was upset, I think everything had started to sink in, finally.”

“I guess I can’t really blame her,” Therese confessed, “I would be pretty shattered to lose you too.”

“She asked me if I still had feelings for her.”

Therese paused, “Do you?”

“In some way or another, yes, but I’m not in love with her. I think it’s hard not to have some sort of connection to past relationships, whether it's romantic or not.”

Therese deliberated, “I think I understand what you mean. It makes sense given how much time you were together too.”

“We talked about the concept of wasted time and regrets and I don’t have any, but I want to ensure that I continue to not have any,” Carol continued. 

Therese tilted her head, “What do you mean?”

“I love you Therese,” Carol said meaningfully, “I’ve known that and been sure of it for a while now, but I wasn’t sure how to express that given everything that was going on. I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to tell you that during the divorce and I didn’t want to tell you right after we had sex, but I’m telling you now. I want you to know that I love you, so much.”

Therese looked stunned for a moment, but then a beautiful smile spread across her face, “I love you too, Carol.”

Carol felt like she blacked out for a moment, “Really?”

Therese’s bell-like laughter filled her ears, “There’s no need to look so surprised.”

“I guess I just didn’t expect a response, I wanted to tell you regardless.”

Therese moved closer on the couch, “Well, I love you Carol Ross and I’m unafraid to tell you that.”

Carol didn’t know why, perhaps it was a result from the emotional build up over these past weeks, but she burst into tears. 

“Carol, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, darling. Everything’s fine. Everything’s great actually,” Carol said as she clutched Therese’s hand.

“I’m just so happy,” Carol said through shining tears, “It feels like everything’s at peace for once. Everything just feels right, like it’s meant to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back hehe


	22. Purpose

It was Therese’s first day at her apprenticeship with Phil and things were already well underway. The studio space that had been set aside for them to work in was vast and equipped with any and every art supply or tool that they could ever think of. Therese was just one of the ten artists that had been recruited and she felt both incredibly gratefully and lucky to be among the few. The first couple hours had been spent acquainting themselves with each other and Phil while discussing the loose structure of the apprenticeship. Therese was glad to learn that there wasn’t any sense of competition or ego among the other artists. They were there to learn and create and make connections, just like Therese was. For the rest of the day Phil assigned them to be innovative with their resources and explore something they’ve always wanted to, to be uninhibited in their options and possibilities. 

It almost felt as though Therese and the other artists were children let loose in a toy store. The playful willingness to experiment had seemed to return to them all and there was a kinetic energy and excitement throughout the space. Therese, never having the funds financially to have such nice quality materials, immediately headed towards the paints and drawing materials. She compiled an armful of things and brought them back to a station near the window with lots of light. She tied her hair up and put a fresh canvas on her easel before digging out a fresh notebook and conducting a quick sketch beforehand. 

“That better be a larger version of that painting you sent me,” Phil said from behind her. 

Therese looked over her shoulder and smiled, “You were really taken with that one huh?”

“It’s genuinely one of the best things I’ve seen,” Phil admitted, “I’m surprised it’s not hanging in a gallery somewhere, but part of me is also happy that it’s not.”

“I’ve never showcased my work anywhere,” Therese explained, “Only at small events while I was in college, now I just keep my work to myself.”

“Well that’s going to change now,” Phil said warmly, “May I ask what influenced you to make that piece?”

Therese paused, but she felt intuitively that Phil meant no harm, “A woman, she’s my girlfriend now.”

Phil let out a low whistle, “Must be a special woman to inspire something like that.”

Therese grinned, “She is.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. I’m excited to see whatever you decide to make,” Phil said then left to check on some of the others. 

Phil had given Therese a lot to think about. What did she want to create? Was there something in her arsenal or at the back of her mind that was itching, burning to come out through her art? What story did she want to tell, what emotions did she want to evoke? For Therese, her art had always been her outlet, it was what she had always fuelled all her anxiety and depression into. It was never something strategic or planned for her, it just came and she allowed it to. Now that she had the space and opportunity and carved out time to work and create she had to ask herself, why was she doing this? What purpose did she have? 

Therese reflected on her life and more specifically, the past few months and all the changes she had experienced. What was something she had learned or wanted to focus specifically on now? What was at the centre of her life? All Therese could think of was her growth over this past while and the newfound love she held for herself and her life. The joy that she genuinely felt now, that she no longer had to fake. And there was Carol of course. Carol, the sunshine in her life, the woman that she loved and that she could truly trust. Love, she decided was the strongest emotion and common theme in her life right now. She wrote the word at the top of her notebook and began to brainstorm. 

Soon enough, splashes of colour had appeared across her canvas and her painting had started to take form. Therese’s brow narrowed as she concentrated, she bit her lip as she tried to perfect a particular brush stroke. She quickly and easily got lost in her work, seamlessly falling into the dance of painting. 

By the end of the day when Therese was cleaning up her station, her canvas held the same colour palette of cobalt and gold, however, a couple other colours had joined in the mix. Red and green. 

\- - - - 

“What was your first impression when you met me?”

“You’re full of surprises.”

“Please think, I want to know.”

“I don’t have to think darling. I remember that day like it was yesterday.”

It was later that evening and the couple had planned for Therese to sleep over at Carol’s. They’d cooked a lovely romantic dinner together and Therese had filled Carol in on her first day at the apprenticeship. The blonde had unsurprisingly been nothing but supportive and excited for her, however, Therese had relented to tell her specifics about what she was creating. Part of her wanted it to be a surprise.  
They were lounging in Carol’s living room, on the couch in front of the large bay window. The evening sunlight was streaming in and cast an orange and purple hue over them and throughout Carol’s home. Each woman was positioned on either end of the couch, their legs intertwined. The light fell on Carol’s face in such a beautiful way, Therese was trying to commit the image to memory so she could paint it later. But it always felt that way to her, Carol without trying or caring always had some sort of ethereal beauty to her that was also inherently natural and effortless. Therese also knew that the woman’s innate kindness and compassion contributed to this physical beauty and extended it even further. Carol was one of the most personable and accessible people Therese had ever met, but also rare and other worldly. She didn’t think she would ever be able to fully figure the woman out and she didn’t want to. 

“So?” Therese asked through a sly smile, “Or do I not want to know?”

“No of course not. Besides my obvious concern and worry that I was feeling at that moment, I remember looking at you and wondering how a woman so young had eyes that carried so much life, so much experience. You looked like you’d lived many lives and maybe not here, elsewhere.”

Therese cocked an eyebrow, “In space?”

“Well you are an angel, so.”

Therese rolled her eyes playfully. 

“Your turn,” Carol said, gently pushing her foot against Therese’s thigh. 

“Hm?”

“What was your first impression of me?”

Therese deliberated, “It wasn’t really an impression it was more so… a feeling.”

“Of disgust?” Carol joked, “Or confusion at why some random old woman was barging into your bathroom stall?”

“Shush,” Therese threw the woman a playful glare, “I felt safe,” she said seriously. 

Carol stilled, her dark blue eyes had grown misty, “Oh Therese.”

“I mean it,” Therese continued, “You were a complete stranger to me, but it felt like we’d known each other for years. I knew that I could trust you.”

Carol leaned forward so her legs were bent and laced her fingers in Therese’s, “I’m glad that you feel safe with me.”

Therese smiled, “Did my answer surprise you?”

“Oh I don’t know, I just don’t like to be presumptuous,” Carol said as she looked down, “You can never really know how people are thinking or feeling.”

“Carol I’m completely infatuated by you,” Therese said lovingly, “You don’t ever have to question that.”

“I know and you always remind me,” Carol said through a small smile, “I guess I just have a tendency to not always believe people. So often the actions do not compliment the words.”

“Well I’m not one to say something for the sake of it. Words have power to me.”

Carol gave her a long look, “I would so love to be inside your head. I bet there’s all sorts of beautiful thoughts rattling around in there.”

“Not all the time.”

Carol gave her hand a squeeze, “How have you been feeling lately? Mentally, I mean.”

“A lot better. It’s still hard some days, but I find there’s more good ones now. Makes it easier to get through the rough of it.”

“You seem happier,” Carol observed.

“It’s hard not to be when I’ve got you,” Therese kissed Carol’s hand. 

“Stop, you’ll inflate my ego,” Carol threw her head back dramatically. 

“Come here and kiss me Ross,” Therese said through a laugh. 

\- - - - 

It was nighttime and Therese was in Carol’s ensuite washing up, the blonde watching from her spot in bed. Therese washed her face then started to brush her teeth. She could feel Carol’s eyes on her without looking at the other woman directly. 

“I can feel you staring,” she said, toothbrush still in mouth. 

Carol hummed, “Do you blame me? Look how beautiful you are.”

Therese spat into the sink and wiped her mouth, “Now I know you’re fibbing.”

“The mirror is right there Therese, it doesn’t lie.”

Therese turned off the bathroom light and walked towards Carol, “I think you’re a bit biased.”

Carol propped her head up on her hand, “Do you not think you’re attractive? Perhaps I need to tell you more.”

“It’s just hard to have any kind of self awareness when you exist,” Therese said pointing at her girlfriend.

Carol was amused, “Me?” she asked in disbelief. 

Therese lifted up the covers and got into bed with the blonde, “Carol you’re this gorgeous creature. When we’re together I don’t even appear to be the same species as you.”

Carol laughed, “I’m old Therese.”

“You’re thirty-five,” Therese scoffed, “That’s hardly old.”

“Says the twenty-five year old with absolutely no lines on her face.”

“I’m not going to win this am I?”

The blonde paused, “I guess I felt similarly to you when I was with Genevieve,” Carol reflected, “But I don’t want you to feel like that. We’re equals in my eyes.”

“Don’t worry, I feel that way too,” Therese said quietly, she reached behind her head to let her hair down, but Carol stopped her. 

“Wait, leave it up,” Carol requested, “I like when your hair is like this.”

Therese smirked, “Why?”

“Because I can see all of your face. Your hair always covers your eyes.”

“Carol?”

“Yes, darling?”

Therese took a breath, “About what you were saying before, I am really happy. Truly.”

Carol smiled and pressed her forehead to Therese’s, “I’m so glad to hear that. I am too.”


	23. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters left!

A couple weeks had passed and the heat of summer had arrived in the city. Carol and Therese had established a new rhythm and routine as their days were both filled with work and things to focus on, their passions to pursue and tend to. While the summer had been busy so far, the days were longer and they found themselves spending lots of time together in the evenings and on the weekends. Carol would stay over at Therese’s or Therese would come over to Carol’s. They would stay in and cook or venture into the city to romantic restaurants or interesting events. There was something about being in love in New York in the summer, anything seemed possible and everything was exciting and felt new. They had both settled into a new chapter of their lives as well as their relationship and all was good, Carol had no complaints or worries hanging over her head for once, however, she had made a recent change in her life that she had believed was for the better. 

She had started going to therapy regularly again. She had been several times in her life, for several different reasons, obviously some personal, but she also believed it important given the field she was in and that she was a counsellor herself. She spent the sessions focusing on recent events and most specifically, her marriage. She knew that her years with Geneveive had left an impact on her and she wanted to sort through them, reflect and not experience similar conflicts or struggles with Therese in their relationship. She found it difficult at first to get back into the swing of it and being so vulnerable with another person, but was quickly reminded of how valuable the process was and how much she learned about herself during it. 

Through these first weeks of summer, Carol really felt connected to herself, which was something she had lost during her marriage. She felt so much pressure to be a certain way and be a certain kind of person for Genevieve, to try to live up to her expectations. Being with Therese and going to therapy had given her the opportunity to find herself again, to confront her demons and also embrace who she really was and she couldn’t be happier. Therese’s sessions with her own therapist were also still regular and Carol believed that the continued emotional education and reflection influenced the strength of their relationship. They were able to communicate better with each other in a more open and honest way. 

She had left work a couple hours early and was waiting for her appointment to begin with her therapist. She was sitting outside the office on her phone reading text messages from Therese, the young woman had apparently planned a date for them tonight and had sent Carol the address of the place along with the dress code. Carol was just about to respond when the door opened and her therapist poked her head out.

“I’m ready for you, Carol.”

Carol tucked her phone into her bag and walked into her therapist’s office. 

“How are you doing today?” her therapist asked after they had sat down. 

“I’m good, my girlfriend was just texting me. We’re going out tonight.”

“Therese, right?”

Carol smiled, “Yes, Therese.”

Her therapist tilted her head, “You always light up when you talk about her. Things are serious between you two?”

“Yes, we’ve only been together for a little while, but we’ve known each other for just over six months at this point. It feels like time has just flown by.”

Her therapist leaned back in her chair, “How different is this relationship than the one with your ex wife?”

Carol chuckled, “It’s different in every possible way. It has everything that my marriage with Genevieve was missing.”

“And what is that, exactly?”

“She’s warm and sensitive. She doesn’t have any standards for me and doesn’t expect anything or demand anything really. We have similar values and outlook on life.”

“She seems the opposite to Genevieve.”

“That’s what it seems like, or perhaps that’s how I’ve built it all up in my head. For a while Therese was certainly my escape from my marriage, but that didn’t invalidate my feelings for her. Those were there from the beginning,” Carol explained. 

“It feels like your marriage definitely left a strong impact on you. How do you feel now, after having a bit of space to reflect on it?”

Carol deliberated, “I feel less angry and confused for sure. At the time I was just so upset and definitely could have made more of an effort at communication. I think it’s still going to take time to move on from it, but it doesn’t feel part of the present now, it feels part of the past.”

“What has been your biggest conclusion from that experience?”

Carol took a few moments to ponder the question, “I think that I had more power than I thought I did. For so long I thought I was stuck and trapped, that none of the situation was in my control. And this mindset absolutely factored the outcome of what happened, I could have left much earlier or tried to fix what was damaged much earlier. It was more like I was watching it all unfold instead of living in it myself. Like a car crash that you can’t pull your eyes away from, you just want to watch for some strange reason. I didn’t understand how things had gotten that bad and I was overwhelmed at how to start to fix it. I thought that was just what my life was going to be for the rest of my life.”

Her therapist nodded thoughtfully, “And how are you going to apply this to your new relationship and your life now?”

“I guess to try and not let things get away from me. If I want something to go after it and put it into action instead of letting my autonomy slip away.”

“Is there anything that you really want right now?”

It was like the question and unblocked a dam. A flood of emotion filled Carol that was all consuming and purposeful. She suddenly felt an impulse to leave the office and flee towards Therese.

“Yes,” she answered. 

\- - - - 

After her appointment, Carol rushed home and quickly got ready to go and meet Therese. She felt like how she assumed artists did when they had a sudden inspiring idea or revelation, she was buzzing with excitement. She took her hair out of its messy bun and ran a brush through it before throwing on a blue jumpsuit and some strappy sandals. She sprayed some perfume on her wrists and neck, grabbed her purse then was out the door and into the evening sunlight. 

She walked to meet Therese and reached her final destination in just under half an hour. The brunette had chosen a beautiful Italian restaurant that had outdoor seating that was covered in lights and greenery. It was beyond romantic, but also casual and fitting for this summer evening. Carol spotted her girlfriend waiting outside, dressed charmingly in a long flowing skirt and sleeveless shirt. As she approached the young woman, Carol appreciated how her tanned skin brought out the green in her eyes. Therese was beautiful no matter what, but Carol had noticed how her growth mentally had made her more confident, how her new happiness made her radiate. 

Therese hadn’t noticed her coming towards her yet and it gave Carol more time to quietly observe her girlfriend. She wasn’t glued to her phone while she waited for Carol, her eyes were up looking around, looking at the world. Therese was so inherently perceptive and observant, it was no doubt what contributed to her skill as an artist. Carol could only imagine what her work was like, what kind of detail and emotion the brunette evoked in her paintings and drawings. She was desperate to see some pieces, but she knew that Therese would show her them in her own time. Her work was intensely personal and a piece of her, to show Carol would be to show her at her most vulnerable. 

“Hi beautiful,” Carol said warmly.

Therese turned towards Carol and her eyes lit up. She made her way over and threw her arms around Carol’s neck. Carol’s hand slid around Therese’s waist and she closed her eyes as she felt Therese’s warm cheek against her neck. 

“The restaurant looks beautiful darling,” Carol said when they pulled apart, “You spoil me.”

“No, actually you spoil me,” Therese grinned, “And I wanted a change of pace for once.”

Carol looped her arm through the brunette’s, “Let’s go sit down shall we?”

After they had been shown to their seats underneath the canopy of vines and twinkling lights, Carol realized that Therese was eyeing her intently, the green eyes full of admiration. 

“What?” Carol asked through a smirk.

Therese reached across the table and held her hand, “I just love being out with you. Doing things together as a couple, it just reminds me that this is all real. It’s not something I only dreamed of.”

Carol kissed her hand, “This is too wonderful to just be a dream, although I do feel like I’m in heaven whenever I’m with you.”

Therese cocked an eyebrow playfully, “Heaven, huh?”

“Oh shush, you know the effect you have on me.”

“Yes, however, it always surprises me,” Therese admitted, “You look excited, did something happen today?”

“Actually there was something I wanted to talk to you about,” Carol said, “I was bursting with it on the way here and I’m not sure if I can wait.”

Therese paused, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, better than okay.”

“Alright,” Therese rubbed Carol’s knuckles with her thumb, “What is it?”

“Well I had an appointment with my therapist today and we were talking about perception and how a person holds more power and control over their life than they think they do.”

“Sounds very interesting.”

“Yes and well it made me think about us and how time is so precious. I don’t want to wait around when I could be acting on something that would make me even happier.”

Therese looked slightly lost, “What do you want Carol?”

Carol took a deep breath, “I want to live together Therese. I understand if you’re not ready yet and I don’t want to rush you, but I wanted you to know where my head is at. That I’m fully in and committed to this. To us.” 

Therese looked genuinely shocked, “You want to live together? Would I move in with you?”

“If you’d like. We would obviously talk it through, discuss our options.”

“You just moved into your place, I wouldn’t want you to pack up again,” Therese said quickly, “Also I have grown rather fond of it myself.”

Carol leaned forward, “Is that a yes? Would you like to?”

Therese smiled, “Yes, yes I would.”

Carol rose from her chair and walked around the table to gather Therese in a hug, “I can’t express how happy I am to hear that, darling. Are you surprised? You looked surprised.”

“I shouldn’t be, I suppose it’s a natural step for a couple. I’ve just gotten so used to being on my own that I couldn’t picture living with anyone. But I would love to live with you Carol. It sounds almost too good to be true. To wake up next to you, share the same space,” Therese said thoughtfully. 

“This is my new goal,” Carol declared, “To make all those dreams and fantasies of ours a reality.”

“Well this positivity of yours is contagious,” Therese kissed her cheek, “I might explode from happiness.”

“Oh, I’m so excited! I suppose it won’t take long for you to pack, we could have you all moved over by next week.”

“Let’s order dinner first then finalize the details later,” Therese said through a laugh, “Also I think you’re going to have to take it up with my landlady. She might put up a fight.”

“Oh darling, she won’t stand a chance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A question for my lovely readers: Would any of you be interested in reading a sequel to either "Center Stage" or "The Florist & the Photographer" ? Let me know if you have a preference or if you would rather have a new story after this one instead :)


	24. Familiar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a long, but important one

“And I thought I was the minimalist, darling is this all you have?”

“Carol you’ve seen the size of my apartment, there’s barely enough room for a bed to fit in there.”

“Well at least I don’t have to purge my clothes. I think there’s plenty of room in the closet.”

“We just have to find a place for all my art stuff.”

“There is a spare bedroom that I hadn’t gotten around to doing anything with, it could be your home studio if you think you’d use it.”

“Oh Carol, that would be amazing, are you sure?”

“Of course, Therese. This is your home now too.”

Therese glowed at her girlfriend while she carefully hung her clothing in their newly shared wardrobe. Carol was lovingly unpacking the few boxes and bags that Therese had brought over just that morning. The slow transformation of seeing Therese’s belongings around and with Carol’s was strangely comforting. The brunette never thought that domestic bliss would feel so romantic or that it would fill her with so much contentment. It was only a week since Carol had proposed the idea to her, but tonight would be their official first night living together. 

“Is there anything you need to finish up at your old place?” Carol asked. 

“I told my landlady I’d meet her tomorrow and give her the keys. The place came furnished so there wasn’t much to be done.”

“Are you going to miss the independence of living alone?”

“I guess in some ways, but I feel like our relationship thrives off of giving each other our independence when needed,” Therese pointed out, “It was hard to live in that apartment when my depression and anxiety got bad, it was so suffocating and claustrophobic. I think it’ll be nice to have a bit of a break from Manhattan too.”

“We can commute to the city some days if you’d like.”

Therese smiled, “I would love that.”

Later in the evening Therese and Carol were draped over each other, the sheets of the bed haphazardly thrown over them. Carol was still writhing from the climax she had just experienced at the hands of Therese who was indulgently enjoying the feeling of the blonde’s hot skin against hers. Carol’s hair was a mess, her eyes blown out and chest heaving, but she was absolutely breathtaking, the sight incredibly erotic for Therese to witness. She recalled how nervous she had been the first time she had made love to Carol, how terrified she was of getting it wrong or not being able to bring pleasure to her girlfriend. Carol had unsurprisingly been incredibly patient and encouraging with her, showing Therese what she liked and vocalizing what she wanted. While Therese certainly had more confidence now in her abilities, she still marvelled at how she could cause such an effect on the other woman, it felt like a privilege to see Carol in a state as intimate as this. 

Therese leaned down and left several kisses all over Carol’s collarbone and breasts, her hand still gently stroking between the blonde’s legs. She could feel Carol’s innermost muscles contracting, squeezing and shaking and it was an utterly divine sensation. The woman’s breathy moans were loud in her ear and Therese wondered if it was possible to ever tire of this euphoria. She felt Carol place some sloppy kisses on her neck and made eye contact with her girlfriend. 

“You’ve gotten so good at that,” Carol said, still obviously breathless. 

Therese kissed her, Carol’s lips were warm and sweet, “I learnt from the best.”

A mischievous look crossed Carol’s face, “Now that we’re living together I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off you. I’m not sure if that is a positive or a negative…”

“A positive for sure,” Therese assured her, “At least we’ll have less laundry to do, if we’re making love all the time,” she giggled.

“Christ, I’ve made you just as insatiable as I am,” Carol said through a dramatic groan. 

“Can you blame me? It’s never been this good, not how I’ve experienced it at least,” Therese said, “I’m catching up for lost time now.”

“You’re twenty-five darling, you still have tons of time,” Carol was amused, “You make me sound like some sort of sex goddess, I’m deeply flattered.”

“Well in my eyes you are. It’s not just the sex Carol, it’s you, everything’s better with you. Everything’s better when you’re actually in love.”

Carol hummed, “I can’t argue with that.”

The other woman threw an arm around Therese and the two tucked themselves into the curves of each other’s bodies. Therese pulled the covers up and around them then rested her head on Carol’s chest, her hand around the woman’s waist. 

Carol kissed the crown of her head, “Welcome home, Therese.”

\- - - - 

The next morning Therese was on her way to her apartment for the last time to give her landlady the keys, as discussed. Carol had offered to come with, but Therese had politely declined. She wanted to have this moment alone, to reflect on these past few years of her life and the close of this significant chapter. She was feeling slightly nostalgic, but still incredibly hopeful and excited for what was to come with Carol and them living together. 

When she was only a couple blocks away, a familiar and uncomfortable feeling started to wash over her. She couldn’t place exactly what it was or what caused it, but it made her feel slightly anxious and on edge. She tried to put it out of her mind, but when she arrived at her building she realized she would have to confront it, whether she wanted to or not. 

A man was standing outside of her apartment building. Normally this would have been an occurrence that Therese wouldn’t have worried over. This was Manhattan, the streets were rarely not flooded with people hovering outside of establishments or on their way somewhere. This man, however, was significant. Therese only saw the back of his head, but she knew there was something inherently familiar about him. Something that recalled a plethora of emotions and memories within her. She felt like she was about to lose her nerve when she started to put the pieces together, it couldn’t be… was that…?

“Dad?” She called out. 

The man turned and Therese felt her heart sink to the bottom of her stomach as she was confronted with a set of green eyes that matched her own. The two stared at each other for a moment as if they were aliens, foreign and indescribable. 

“Therese, is that you?” the man asked. 

Sure enough, Therese’s father who she hadn’t seen in nearly twenty years was here and standing outside of what used to be her home. Therese swallowed slowly and walked towards him. She was so young when he had left so her memories were vague and blurry, but he looked similar to how she had remembered. He was tall, with dark hair and a kind face. He looked healthier than he did when she was a child, his skin had more colour to it and his eyes were no longer glossy from the alcohol. Therese wasn’t sure whether to feel overjoyed or confused. 

“Well look at you,” her father said through a small smile, “You’re all grown up.”

“I don’t know what to say,” she said truthfully, “How did you even find me?”

“It wasn’t without difficulty,” Mr. Belivet looked down, “I must say, the internet is a godsend though.”

“You don’t live in the city too, do you?”

“No, I took the train here from Chicago.”

“Chicago, wow.”

“I moved there after we… parted. I spent a couple years in rehab and therapy, but I have a job now. I’m a photojournalist.”

“You came here just to see me?” Therese was in disbelief. 

“Yes, I needed to see you Therese. I don’t know why I didn’t reach out sooner, I was ashamed, guilty I suppose. I didn’t know how to rebuild a relationship with you after being such an absent dad.”

Therese looked down, “I tried to find you too. After I graduated high school. When I couldn’t find anything I assumed that you didn’t want to be found. That you didn’t want me to contact you.”

“That was true at the beginning, but it wasn’t because of you. I wanted to be a father that you could be proud of and I wasn’t ready, emotionally or mentally. I realize now how that wasn’t fair to you though, I didn’t give you a choice in the matter at all. You deserved to have a parent growing up.”

Therese was trying her best not to cry, “I’ve done everything all my own. I got through those hellish foster homes on my own, through school and college. I moved here on my own, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t want you to be here. All I wanted was for you to be a part of my life, I’ve never had anyone consistent, friends or family.”

Mr. Belivet was clearly uncomfortable and emotional, he looked around at the street then up at Therese’s old building, “Can we go inside?”

Therese shook her head, “I don’t live here anymore. I moved in with my girlfriend.”

“You have a girlfriend?” her father looked at a loss for words, “I’ve missed so much.”

“I’m not the same, seven year old that I was when the Child Protective Services came,” Therese said defensively. 

“I know and it’s wrong of me to assume that I can just show up and that everything will be fine. I can only imagine what kind of hurt you’ve been through all these years,” Mr. Belivet said understandingly, “I just want you to know that I’m trying and that if you’re open to it, I would love to have a relationship with you again.”

Therese felt conflicted, “You’re going to have to give me time.”

“Of course.”

“How long are you going to be in the city for?”

“I took a month off, I’ve never been before so I thought I would just travel around. I’m staying with a friend,” her father explained, “Let me give you my phone number if you want to contact me.”

Mr. Belivet retrieved a business card from his pocket and handed it over. Therese felt unsure of how to process or even handle what was going on. She had been completely blindsided and unprepared. 

“I want to know. I think. I mean I want to ask you things, but I’m not sure if you want that,” she said. 

“Ask me things, please,” her father said clearly and honestly, “I’m around. I’m not going anywhere this time.”

Mr. Belivet turned to walk away, but before he did he smiled at her. It was a sad smile, “You look so much like your mother.”

\- - - - 

A couple weeks flew by in which Therese took a lot of time to reflect, and had several conversations with her therapist and Carol about her father and his reintroduction into her life. She eventually contacted him and the two ended up spending time together frequently. Therese showed him around the city and caught him up on the last eighteen years of her life. Their time together was difficult and often uncomfortable, it was getting to know someone again that you were supposed to be familiar with already. Like someone who just had a case of amnesia, trying to remember the significance of particular people. Not only had Therese and her father spent a great deal of time apart, Therese had been a child and had grown up in that time. She barely knew her father when she was younger and now was being called upon to form an adult relationship. Despite all the anxiety and unfamiliarity, however, Therese was internally grateful. She wanted to know her father and to have him in her life, in whatever capacity. He clearly reciprocated these feelings too as she had only been honest and candid with her. Entirely understanding and sympathetic to what she had told him. 

After having spent more time together Therese decided that it was important for him to meet Carol. The woman was undoubtedly the most important and significant person in her life and she wanted the two to be acquainted, to get to know each other. She also thought that it would bring her father comfort knowing that she was loved and was in good hands, with a partner who valued and respected her. 

The couple were preparing their home for her father’s arrival. They had cleaned and gone through the efforts of cooking dinner for the three of them. Therese was nervous, but she could tell that Carol was too. The older woman clearly wanted to be a steady support for her, but was unsure of how to feel with this sudden change in Therese’s life. This whole situation was still very fresh and raw, there was no charted territory for them to cross to make them feel safe. 

“It looks great Carol, don’t worry he’s a pretty low maintenance guy,” Therese reassured her as Carol put the finishing touches on the dining table. 

“I believe you darling, it’s just giving me something to do,” Carol admitted, “I’m more nervous than I would like to say.”

Therese gently placed her hand on Carol’s shoulder, causing the woman to turn to face her, “Shouldn’t I be the nervous one?” she said through a half smile. 

Carol sighed, “He’s your father Therese. I’d be anxious regardless of if you two had time apart or not.”

“Are you scared he’s not going to approve?”

Carol tucked Therese’s hair behind her ears, “It’s just hard to know what he’ll think. I’m older than you and recently divorced. He may think we’re not the right fit or question my motives.”

Therese kissed the blonde’s nose, “His opinion won’t influence mine Carol. He may be my father, but the parent-child relationship has hardly been established. Think of him as a friend. Anyways, nothing could make me not want to be with you, so don’t worry about that.”

“Thank you,” Carol said gratefully, “I’ll be good I promise, I think I just needed the reassurance.”

The doorbell suddenly rang and both women looked towards the door, “I’ll get it,” Therese said before giving Carol’s hand a squeeze.

“This is a beautiful street Therese,” her father said after Therese had opened the door and let him in, “Oh I brought these for you and Carol,” he said holding out a beautiful bouquet of summer wildflowers. 

“Those are lovely,” Carol came to stand by Therese, “Carol Ross,” she said holding out her hand which her father quickly shook.

“John Belivet. Thank you so much for having me over, it’s very kind of you.”

“It’s a pleasure, make yourself comfortable,” Carol said warmly. 

“How did you two meet?” John asked when the three were sitting down to dinner. 

Therese and Carol shared a brief glance, “We met at a cafe,” Therese answered, “It’s kind of a long story.”

John nodded understandingly, “And what is it you do Carol?”

“I run a youth centre in the city that specializes in education around mental health as well as counselling,” Carol said as she cut into her food, “I have a background in social work and psychology.”

“It sounds like very rewarding work. You must love what you do.”

Carol looked touched, “I do. Therese said that you are a photojournalist?”

“Yes, I’ve had an interest in photography since I was young and I just ended up lucking out. Actually there was something I wanted to give you,” John said as he reached into his coat pocket. 

Therese held her breath as he retrieved a photograph that he passed across the table to her. She almost broke down when she saw what it was, a picture of her as a newborn baby in the arms of her mother. Therese did indeed look like her mother and the brunette wondered if this was taken only moments before the woman passed away. 

“It’s the only one I have of the two of you,” John said sadly, “But I wanted you to have it.”

Therese angled the photograph so Carol could see, “Oh that’s beautiful,” the blonde cooed, “You look exactly like her.”

“I wish she was here to see what a wonderful person you grew up to be,” John said wistfully, “But I’m glad that I get to be here myself to witness it. To see you and this life you created for yourself.”

Therese was beyond overwhelmed but in a good way, “Thank you dad, I really appreciate it.”

\- - - - 

“He’s right you know.”

“Hm?”

It was nighttime and Therese’s father had left after what was an incredibly successful evening. The two women were in bed, both lying on their sides and facing each other, hands connected. Carol and John had gotten along swimmingly and Therese was overjoyed. She had nothing to worry about after all and was proud of how she had handled her anxiety and nervousness. 

“You are such a wonderful and beautiful person. I hope you know that,” Carol kissed her hand, “And look how far you’ve come. A night like tonight would have been a huge trigger and difficulty in the past.” 

Therese nodded, “I know, I was thinking about that too. I think time and therapy has just shown me that while it’s not always going to be easy, that it can get better, be better. A couple months ago I probably wouldn’t have reached out to my father. The card would have just sat in my closet somewhere, I would have been too scared, too stuck in the past to be open to anything.”

“Those are some very wise reflections darling,” Carol said, “Are you sure you don’t want my job?”

Therese laughed, “No thanks, I think I’ll stick to painting."


	25. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter

By the time Therese’s father was headed back to Chicago, the summer was almost at its close. It had been an eventful one full of changes for both women, but the decision to move in together turned out to only strengthen their relationship. It was almost as if every day was better than the next, each woman coming more and more into their own as well as into their love for each other. Carol wondered if this was always how it was supposed to be, if the end was never supposed to be in sight. With Therese it felt like things were only to improve instead of worsen, Carol thought she knew what love was, but wasn’t so sure anymore. Therese had transformed her life in countless ways that Carol would forever be grateful for. She couldn’t picture her life without the young woman and hoped that she would never have to. 

It was the middle of the night when Carol woke, aware of Therese shaking like a leaf in bed beside her. She was immediately alert and sat up in bed. Therese was curled up in a ball, holding her knees to her chest, obviously distressed as a result of a nightmare. Her eyes were closed and Carol could tell that she was conducting breathing exercises to calm herself. 

“Therese…” 

“I’m fine Carol, I’m just trying to calm down,” Therese said quietly. 

“Do you need anything? What can I do?” Carol asked softly. 

Therese paused, “Can you hold my hands?”

Carol silently slid her hands into Therese’s and gave them a reassuring squeeze. For the next couple of minutes the two women sat in silence, Carol noticing the gradual evening of Therese’s breathing. After some time Therese opened her eyes and looked at Carol. She looked exhausted, but not like the last time Carol had seen her after one of her nightmares. She looked in control, powerful in the knowledge that the dreams didn’t dominate her. 

“How do you feel?”

“Better.”

“What was it about?”

“Nothing specific. I think I’m just nervous about the showcase tomorrow.”

Carol leaned back in bed and held up the covers so Therese could crawl underneath. The younger woman tucked herself into Carol’s chest, her cheek against the blonde’s pulse. Carol casually ran a hand through Therese’s hair, across her back and down her arm. 

“It will be amazing, I promise,” she assured her. 

“It’s just some of the most personal work I’ve ever made. I’m so proud of it, but it’s so revealing which is terrifying,” Therese admitted. 

“Well I’m looking forward to seeing it. You’re not worried about what I’ll think, are you?”

“Not really,” Therese pondered, “Maybe, I’m not sure.”

Carol kissed her forehead then her cheek, “Try and sleep darling. You’re absolutely freezing, do you want me to turn up the heat?”

“No, I’ve got you to keep me warm,” Therese said in a sleepy voice, “I love you Carol.”

“I love you too.”

\- - - - 

It was evening the next day and Therese and Carol were getting ready for the showcase. Carol had tried her best to distract the brunette all day, taking her to do other things to get the event off of her mind, but she could tell that it was useless. Therese would be a bundle of nerves until her piece was seen regardless. Carol knew that this restlessness and paranoia was not necessarily an extension of the young woman’s anxiety, that the woman was genuinely worried about the idea of so many people seeing her work. Therese had vocalized how personal and private her art was, so this showcase was no doubt a big leap and step for her. Carol was of course curious as to what Therese had been working on during these weeks at the apprenticeship, but was trying her best to be supportive and patient. Tonight was a source of pressure for her girlfriend for various reasons and she wanted her presence to only be reassuring and comforting. 

Therese turned around, dressed in a beautiful green tailored suit with her hair curled in loose waves and red lipstick on, “How do I look?”

“Beautiful as always,” Carol said with a grin. 

“Thank you,” Therese came closer and kissed her cheek, “I know I’ve been a pain today.”

“No need to apologize,” Carol waved her hand, “It will all be worth it tonight.”

Therese checked the time, “Phil wants all of the artists to be there early so I should go. I’ll see you there?”

“Of course. Abby is meeting me and we’re going to head over together.”

“Great,” Therese gathered her things and headed out of their bedroom. 

Carol thought the brunette had left, but she popped her head back into the room, “Carol?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Would you mind doing me a favour?”

“Anything.”

Therese smiled, “Wear blue tonight.”

\- - - - 

“I’m so excited for this, it should be fun.”

“Me too, I’m worried about Therese though she was up all night.”

“Poor thing, I’m sure it’s just anticipatory jitters.”

“I hope so, she deserves to enjoy this and relax tonight.”

It was a little while later and Abby and Carol had arrived at the showcase, Therese was already there with Phil and the other artists. Carol could see through the windows of the gallery that the event had attracted a lot of interest. There was a sizeable crowd inside, all mingling with drinks and walking around. It looked like both industry members and the general public were there to partake in tonight, the new artists would no doubt be receiving a lot of attention and opportunities to make connections. 

Carol had worn blue like Therese had requested. She had found a cobalt coloured dress at the back of their closet that was short sleeved with a high neck. The skirt fell to about mid calf, with a slit on one side that revealed a bit of leg. It was simple and appropriate for tonight, but also made Carol feel confident. Her hair was in its low bun as usual and she had opted for a pair of strappy heels. She wondered what Therese’s reason was behind her wearing blue, or if the young woman just wanted her to feel beautiful and cloaked in a colour that she adored. 

Abby pulled open the heavy glass door and the two women disappeared inside. Neither of them spotted Therese at first so they each got a glass of champagne from the bar and walked around. Carol saw a back section to the gallery that was closed off, no doubt where all the new pieces were set up. She was just about to text Therese when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to face a young man with dark hair and a wide smile. 

“It’s Carol, right?”

“Yes, nice to see you again Dannie,” Carol smiled, “Abby, Dannie owns the art store where Therese used to work. He got her this apprenticeship,” she said as an aside.

“Hey, I just made a phone call. Therese’s talent is what got her in.”

“She’ll be so happy to see you,” Carol said, “Did she know that you were coming?”

“I mentioned it, but she’s been pretty busy lately. Wouldn’t blame her if she forgot,” Dannie shrugged. 

“Dannie!” Said a voice from behind Carol. 

Dannie held an arm up, “Hey Phil!”

“I need to go get things started I just wanted to say hi-” Phil said as he walked by the three of them. He smiled at Abby and Carol then did a double take when his eyes landed on Carol. 

“Wow, Therese wasn’t kidding,” he said in a surprised tone. 

Carol felt confused and slightly self conscious, “What?”

“You’ll see soon, I don’t think she would want me to ruin the surprise,” Phil said then disappeared into the crowd. 

Abby turned to her, “That was weird huh?”

“Very,” Carol nervously took a sip of her drink. What was in store for her tonight?

The gallery lights flickered momentarily, “We should go get a good spot,” Dannie said gesturing towards the back of the space. 

The crowd walked towards the rear of the gallery where Phil and all the artists were standing. Carol felt a swell of pride seeing Therese up there, looking beautiful and confident, and very much herself. She saw Therese scan the crowd and those green eyes fall on her. A rather knowing smile spread across the brunette’s lips. Carol winked at her then directed her attention to Phil. 

“Thank you all for coming tonight. I may own this gallery and have organized the event, but tonight is all about these ten extremely talented artists here,” he said gesturing beside him, “I’ve been in the art scene for a while, but have been wanting a refresh and some new voices. These artists have been working tirelessly all summer to create work that is representative of them and the kind of messages and emotions they want to evoke and express. I’m honestly so honoured to have the opportunity to present their work here and trust me when I say that this is not the last you’ve heard of them.”

Phil clapped his hands together, “So without further ado, please come in and look around. The artists are here if you want to talk to them about their work or other things, they’re all very impressive people. Have a good time and I know you won’t be disappointed.” 

There was polite applause and chatter among everyone as Phil and the artists opened up the back of the gallery and removed the coverings from all the pieces. Abby and Carol waited for some of the people to trickle in first before falling in step behind them. They made their way gradually throughout the space, taking time to observe each piece. There was a variety of mediums that the artists were working in and without knowing much about art itself, Carol could see the obvious talent that was shared among the group. The work shared similarities in how alarming and innovative it was. These pieces did not conform to traditional art rules, nothing in that space was something that could be overlooked. 

Carol saw Therese pass by several times, engaged in conversation with a guest or her fellow artists. Abby and Carol had decided to leave her piece for last and were skillfully ignoring it. Carol wasn’t sure if she was paranoid or overthinking, but she constantly felt eyes on her. She could have sworn that people kept on casting strange glances or glares at her. She felt like there was something that was going on that she wasn’t privy to. Something she didn’t understand.  
Finally a while later Therese broke through the crowd of people towards Carol and Abby with a large smile on her face, “How’s it going over here? Sorry I haven’t been able to say hi,” she said before kissing Carol on the cheek. 

Abby gave the young woman a hug, “Everything looks great Therese. I must say though, your work is what I’m most interested in seeing.”

From the outside it seemed that Therese’s previous nervousness had dissipated, “Then let me take you both to it.”

The three rounded a corner and Carol followed Therese’s eyeline to a larger than life painting on the wall. Carol stopped dead in her tracks. 

It was her, but also not. The first thing she noticed was the immense amounts of blue and gold that were incorporated into the painting. She understood why Phil had looked at her so quizzically, why she had caught so many of the other guests staring. Without being explicit in portraying a woman or herself outright, the colours evoked a feeling and persona that matched hers. The canvas wasn’t only covered in blue and gold, there was a combination of red and green that worked its way into it as well. These colours Carol strongly identified with Therese, and they were the hues that the young woman was sporting tonight. It all made sense in an all consuming and exhilarating way. The four colours mixed together in an elegant and exciting dance on the wall. 

It was hypnotizing and magnetic, Carol couldn’t pull her eyes away from it. She didn’t think she could conjure words that would be accurate or fitting enough to describe it. It was complex, difficult and messy. Parts of it clashed and collided while other parts were smooth and swirling. There were aspects of it that were comforting and relaxing, Carol couldn’t quite figure it out. She knew inherently though that it represented the both of them and largely Therese. It was not one thing and did not express itself in a clear or transparent way. It was a mystery and extremely evocative, much like the artist who created it. It was undoubtedly one of the best and most amazing things Carol had ever seen. It made her feel seen, recognized and appreciated in a way that she never had been before. 

\- - - - 

[Therese]

Therese held her breath as she studied Carol’s reaction as the woman took in her painting. As the night had gone on her anxiety had started to be slowly replaced by her excitement, but at the end of the day Carol’s opinion and perception was what she valued most. After all, this piece was largely inspired by her and Therese didn’t know what the blonde would make of it. Carol looked at the wall for a very long moment. She tilted her head various times and moved positions to get a different angle of it. Carol had never seen any of Therese’s work so for this to be the first one was quite daunting. 

Abby seemed equally transfixed and kept on giving Therese reassuring and excited glances. The two women patiently waited for Carol to express what she was thinking or feeling. 

Carol turned to face Therese and her eyes were full of emotion, her hand lightly over her mouth, “Therese it’s absolutely stunning. I have no words to describe it or how I’m feeling. It’s breathtaking.”

Therese felt a huge weight lifted off her shoulders, “Really?”

Carol was truly speechless, the woman seemed like she was grappling for words, “You’re so incredibly talented. I can’t believe that all of this skill and masterful emotion has been hiding away.”

Therese was relieved, “I’m so glad you like it. I thought it might upset you.”

“Upset me?” Carol looked shocked. 

“This is honestly the most romantic and flattering thing you could do for your significant other,” Abby gushed, “Hell, I would love someone to make a painting inspired by me.”

“Therese I love it, regardless of its sentimental meaning it’s just an amazing piece in general. It has more than enough to stand on its own without the personal context. You should be proud, darling.”

“I am proud,” Therese admitted confidently, “And Phil just told me that he wants to make it a permanent piece here at this gallery.”

Carol and Abby had a matching reaction, “What?! That’s amazing!” Carol exclaimed. 

Abby raised her glass, “To Therese Belivet, the world better watch out for you.”

About an hour later Therese and Carol were on their way home, walking out in the warm, evening air. The rest of the event had gone great and Therese had concluded the showcase with her head high and her confidence up. Tonight had shown her that she could really do this, that she could be a successful artist like she had always dreamed. The concept was in reach now when Therese thought it never would be. There was something about her elation and the atmosphere that evening that made it feel like anything was possible. Therese felt giddy like a child high off of too much sugar, a bubbling happiness brewing within her. As she walked down the street with Carol’s arm tucked in hers, the light was just fading from the sky and there was a fresh breeze that blew through her. The world couldn’t be anymore beautiful or perfect at that moment in her eyes. 

“What are you thinking?” Carol hummed. 

“I don’t know. Everything and nothing,” Therese answered, “It’s like the world makes sense all of a sudden, all the elements have fallen into place.”

“Everything comes full circle,” Carol said in accordance. 

“I’m pleased with how tonight went. I’m pleased about how everything went with my father while he was here. I’m beyond pleased with you, with our relationship and our life,” Therese explained, “Everything feels good and not in the gratuitous way that is dangerous in how it sets false expectations. Things don’t feel so fragile anymore, things might collapse and break, but they can always be mended. I think that was what was always missing from my viewpoint. You can’t have the good without the bad, but that doesn’t mean that the good will never come again.”

Therese finished speaking and realized that Carol was looking at her, “What?” she asked through a smile. 

Carol shook her head, “Flung out of space.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Oh it is darling, whole heartedly. I promise.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They continued their commute home in silence. They passed all sorts of people along the way. These individuals could have been strangers, acquaintances, friends, foes. Therese could have passed Genevieve or Richard even and she wouldn’t have cared or noticed, because she wasn’t looking. For once in her life she no longer felt like she was just a small part of the world, insignificant, lost and alone. Her perspective and internal narrative had changed about herself and her life. The world and this life weren’t here to confuse her, overwhelm her and consume her. They were here to challenge her, to give her the opportunity to find herself. 

And she had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've finally come to the close of this story and I hope you've enjoyed taking this very emotional and crazy ride with me and these interpretations of our beloved characters. I wanted this story to very much be based in reality and therefore have a more unconventional and less conclusive ending, it's open for your interpretation of what comes next. If I'm being honest this was the hardest story for me to write yet because of my personal connection to the subject matter. It was challenging and frustrating while simultaneously being rewarding and confronting. It makes me happy to know that my writing that was inspired by my own experiences has been able to have further reach and connect with others on a deeper level.
> 
> I’m taking some time off for the holidays, but will be back with a sequel to “Center Stage” (which received an overwhelming amount of requests). Stay safe all of you, xo easyliving.


End file.
